tell me a secret...i'll tell you mine (editing and rebranding)

chapter 18: the party (lucas)

     I was annoyed seeing Victor smile so honestly with Zac. Zac of all people.
I hate most people but I hate Zac a little more. My blood boils each time I see him and he's given me more reason to hate him. Hooking up with him was the worst mistake of my life and I have mad many mistakes.
He's laughing at a joke he said. He's never been this happy, fucking hypocrite.
Fuck this.
     I'm so mad I'm so close to drinking. Ok, maybe not that mad.  Alcohol and I do not mix. It ends badly for everyone and I mean everyone. It's not even the hangover I'm worried about. I wish it was the hangover I'd get to worry about.
Each time I drink something tragic always happen. Always.
     By the time everyone is wasted later in the night, my mood has turned from bad to worse and Zoey stuck with me like annoying glue. I would tell her off but I'm a gentleman or some shit like that so I keep quiet. If she gets her heart broken, that's on her. I have never for once led her on.
    He looks so good tonight. Of course, it's about him again.  In that almost cropped top and sexy as fuck jeans that show off his legs perfectly. Fuck, I'm not even ashamed to admit that he has me sporting a boner like a 13 year old who just discovered porn.
The next thing I notice is him pulling Zac to the dance floor.
He starts to sway his hips in time with the beat and fuck I have never seen a sexier sight.
Zac watches him and I've never want to bash anyone's head on something as I do now.
He’s mine, you fucker.
But then I realize virtually everyone is staring at him. And I want to bash their heads in.
But why wouldn't they? He's a brilliant dancer. He’s still mine. No, he's not and he's really not.
Still, I don't want anyone staring at my boy.
He's not your boy but go off.
Zoey slips her arm in mine.
What is she doing now?
Zoey doesn't like Victor, shocker.
"What's up with him? So shameless"
You have your arms in the arms of the king of shamelessness, I want to say but it’s not worth it.
"Slut," I hear her whisper.
My hands curl up into fists. The urge to yell in her face and tell her off is at its peak.
What is wrong with me? The boy in question doesn't even like me and I'm thinking of all the no so nice names I can call Zoey. I deserve to go to hell or jail.
    Speaking of the boy in question, Victor eyes meet mine for a second before turning to meet Zoey's.
Uh oh. Uh oh.
   He looks away and drags Zac closer to him before turning around.
What is he doing? What the hell is he doing?
He slowly starts to dance grinding his backside to Zac's  motherfucking crotch.
I try to control my anger as much as I can.  It's not a good look on me 'cause of my mental illness and all. Also bad things tend to happen when I lose my temper. But right now, I'm angry.
How dare he? How dare HE?
   That should be me. I should be dancing with him, not fucking Zac. I'm angry, jealous and desperately want to call out Zoey who still hasn't gotten the clue to fuck off. I turn to face them again as he holds his hips and moves with his the crowd cheering. Fucking hormonal college kids. Fucking queers, closeted or out.
I know Victor is going to feel like shit tomorrow as he should. That's a little mean but I'm angry as I should be. 
I hate parties. Parties ruined my life. What am I doing here?
     The music ends and everyone disperses not before cheering: fucking finally. I turn to face the two to see a sight that would further rip something in me. Zac turns him around and kisses him. He doesn't pull away.
For someone as angry as I am, I do have an annoying amount of patience. Because why am I still here?
Fuck this party. Fuck my feelings for Victor. It's not worth it.
"I'm leaving", I tell Zoey.
"What? No we just got here", she whines and it's grating and annoying.
"I am", just before I can turn and go, Jeremy arrives wasted as expected.
"Mate, come on we're about to play a game", he says staggering a little. He’s high on something obviously. Mixed with alcohol, if I sniff him, I'm sure I'll get high too.
   Once upon a time I used to get as high as he is. I mean weed does it's thing but never like this.
"No thanks I'm leaving"
"No the hell you're not, come on", he starts to pull me to others.
I could have pulled away but like I said, I've got an annoying amount of patience and it'll be the death of me.
   He pulls me Zoey following behind to another side of the room. The group are already gathered and of course Victor's there...with him.
Perfect.
   We seat cross legged in circles with the opposite gender sitting side by side. I'm 24 years old. I shouldn't be doing any of this juvenile shit.
"Raise a hand up cause it's Never Have I Ever ", Daisy says drinking from her cup.
Daisy is such a terrible drinker. I'm sometimes scared for her. Daisy is like my little sister and we go way way back. I've known her for over a decade. Feels like yesterday she was this little girl, now she's a grown woman. I'm proud of her.
Everyone raise their hand up.
Silly questions goes around. These fuckers are lucky I'm friends with them or else.
I can't keep my eyes off him. He's so beautiful, it’s sickening. Annoying but really beautiful.
All too soon it's my turn.
"Never have I cheated on someone"
What kind of question is that?
Oh well it's out in the open.
I make eye contact with him but he looks away immediately.
Stupid face. 
Another silly game starts. Can I just leave?
Tracy and Cam announce their exit. Oh so two lesbians are allowed to leave to shag but not me. Homophobia.
"Let's start"
Right silly game.  I can just leave. A certain little curly headed boy seems to be stopping me. 
   And there's kissing and kissing and kissing and fucking Zac intentionally dropping the piece of paper.
Fucking piece of shit. I hate him. I want to knock his teeth out so bad and smash his face on some metal.
I swear if Victor kisses him,
"Ooh. Make out mates come on. Do it", Daisy says excitedly. I take back what I said about her. She's a witch, a blood sucking witch.
I face him again and he meets my gaze.
His expression isn't given much away but his eyes hold so much mischief which suggests, 'if I kiss him, who’s gonna check me'
Do it and we'll find out?
He smirks and turns to face Zac.
Oh my god he's going to do it. He's going to kiss him. Fuck I can't watch.
   BHe grabs his cheeks and presses his lips to his.
The needy idiot kisses him like the fucking animal he is. 
He deserves better: someone like me, not some white kid who's looking for a good time.
I hate today, I really do. They continue kissing and it hurts so bad to see the boy I lo-li- kinda like being kissed by someone else.
I need some air.
I stand. Zoey stands too before I can.
Oh my god. Can she not?
"I just need some air, I'll be back"
"I'll come with"
"Don't bother. I need to be by myself"
I walk away hoping she listens.