I'll Never Let You Go (A Marina Story)

Chapter 12

The next day not much had changed.  Maya's numbers were still steady.  Not great, but steady.  It wasn't time for optimism yet. Charlotte had had a tough night so Carina spent some time with her in the middle of the night while Maya slept. It was midmorning and Carina was exhausted.  She hadn't slept in 40 hours, since she first heard about Maya's accident. 

 Carina sat next to Maya, not asleep, not awake but in that state just between the two.  She was aware of Maya's hand on hers and aware of the sounds of her breathing, but that was about it.  She let her mind drift to the 4 years of her life that she had with Maya. It wasn't enough.  A lifetime with Maya wouldn't be enough for Carina.  Who would have thought that the woman who could not survive in a relationship past 3 months would be happily settled with a wife?  Certainly not Carina.  But somehow, Maya completed her and made her better than who she was without Maya. As Carina's mind was drifting, she heard a buzz on her phone.

-hey. I'm leaving shift. Coming over to the hospital. Need anything- Carina needed maya to be ok but she couldn't text that to Andy so she wrote. -no I'm good.  can you check on Charlotte before you see Maya.  I haven't been up to her this morning. - Andy assured Carina she would check on Charlotte and Carina fell back into her not quite asleep state.

She must have drifted off because she woke up to Maya's beautiful blue eyes looking at her.  Maya's eyes were dull with pain, not the sparkling blue, Carina was used to. "Hey Bambina, you in pain." 

"I'm ok. I just missed your face." Carina knew that Maya was trying to sweet talk her to divert Carina from the pain.  

"Maya!" Carina was so tired of Maya's embrace the pain attitude. "If you're in pain tell me. Stop the bullshit." Carina was so tired and scared and sick of being tired and scared. She still wasn't sure Maya was going to pull through and Maya was making jokes. 

"Ok. Ok. I'm sorry.  You're right.  I'm in pain.  Can you call the nurse?" Maya hated to see Carina like this.  She hated that her job put her in this situation, but if push came to shove she would do it again.  She was a firefighter.   Maya looked up as the door opened and saw Meredith, Amelia and Maggie. "Carina, I just needed a nurse" Maya quickly stopped whining when Carina glared over at her. 

Meredith started.  "Maya you're numbers are holding their own." We are cautiously optimistic. Amelia jumped in and said. "you're brain looks good.. No worries there." Maggie started to speak and then stopped, started again.  

"Spit it out, Maggie. What's wrong with me." Maggie was making Maya very nervous.  She wasn't smiling like the other two and she couldn't seem to get her words out.

"I'm also cautiously  optimistic, Maya. I just want to caution you that your heart and lungs are weak.  Very weak. Your lung took some damage and your heart stopped multiple times. We have to keep you under observation and run tests often.  I don't want to miss anything. You are weak and you cannot overdo anything" With that the three of them walked off.

Carina looked over at Maya.  They didn't say anything for awhile.  "Carina tell me straight. No doctor speak. Am I going to survive this. Am I going to be able to meet them?" Maya began to weep as she looked at Carina's stomach.  

Carina didn't say anything right away.  Not because she was keeping anything from Maya, because she didn't know how to tell Maya what she had to say. This was the love of her life, the mother of her future children, the woman that knew her better than she knew herself.  This was Maya. "Bambina, Doctor's use cautiously optimistic to mean one thing." Carina took a long pause, held on to Maya's hand tightly. " The optimistic means that there is a good chance that you will survive this and recover 100%. There is also a chance, a decent chance, that you could die from a complication that's the cautiously." Carina could no longer look at Maya as both women had begun to cry in earnest. As she looked towards the open door she saw Beckett.

Carina stood up and wiped her tears quickly. "Get the fuck out of my wife's room" She yelled before Maya had even realized Beckett was here.  Beckett looked sheepeshly at Carina. "My wife may die because of you and your drinking. Why aren't you fucking locked up.   Se potessi ucciderti a mani nude lo farei." Maya knew that Carina had lost complete control of her anger when she began to make death threats in Italian.  

"Carina, breath. I'm alive, babe. Sit with me. I'm alive." Maya wished she could get out of bed to get Carina, but she hoped the sound of her voice would work.   Luckily it did, Carina turned toward her and slowly began to walk over to Maya.

As Beckett began to try to talk, he heard a loud ruckus behind him.  Any was running full force toward him, yelling.   "what the fuck are you doing here? Get the fuck away from her.  You've done enough damage." Jack was trying to hold her back, but couldn't. She was freakishly strong. He tried another  tactic and walked over to Beckett and quietly ushered him out telling him he needed to leave.