I'll Never Let You Go (A Marina Story)

Chapter 13

It had been a few days since Maya had woken up. She was doing remarkably well and seemed to have beaten the odds.  Her doctors had just left the room explaining to her that it would be a long recovery with Physical therapy and breathing therapy to get her lungs and body back to where she was, but she eventually would make a full recovery.  Maya and Andy, who was on one of the chairs in the room, both breathed a huge sigh of relief.  Carina, however looked as if she had heard completely different news. 

"I can't do this anymore, Maya." Carina said to her in a voice that could only be described as void of any feeling or life.  Both Maya and Andy were pretty shocked. Carina should be bouncing off the walls with joy.  She was not. "Wh..What can't you do?"

"This. Us." Carina took a deep breath. "I have spent the last few days with my heart breaking, sure that you were leaving me alone not only pregnant, but with a child we want to adopt." Maya looked at Andy, both were still pretty confused.  "I will not do this to my children, and I will not do this to myself." Carina was still eerily calm, not at all like the Italian they were used to. "Maya, you fucking ran into a burning building, a building that was not safe to enter. Everybody knew that, even the fucking drunk knew that. You put your life in danger, knowing you could die. I applaud your fucking nobility, but I don't want it or you in my life." With that she walked out of Maya's room straight into the nearest bathroom and promptly threw up. 

Maya began to cry, looking at Andy for help.  "Andy what do I do? How do I fix this? I have to fix this. She can't leave me.  She can't. I won't survive." Andy held Maya as she cried, unsure of what she should do.  She had never seen carina so steely and so cold and so hurt.  She had an idea.  She texted Ben, briefly explaining what happened and asking him to have Miranda find her and talk to her.  

"Maya. Carina is not going to leave you. That was not Carina, that was a hurt woman, who finally is feeling all her hurt and fear and everything else." Andy and Maya chatted for a while about carina and other things as Maya slowly drifted off to sleep. Andy prayed that Miranda Bailey could get through to her. 

Bailey had looked all over the hospital for Carina, in all her spots.  She asked around and a nurse said that she had seen her go up to Peds. Bailey walked up and found Carina holding little Charlotte's hand as she slept.  Carina looked terrible, as bad as she did when Andrew had died.  Carina turned when she heard Bailey enter the room. "I assume Maya contacted you.  I'm not talking about this." Carina said still in that cold lifeless voice.

"Good. You can listen." Carina did as she was told.  When Bailey spoke in that tone, you did as she said. "Carina. I know exactly how you are feeling.  Now don't look at me like that.  I literally have been through this, and Ben and I separated for a while." Carina looked she was about to say something. "No that does not mean I agree with you Carina." Bailey had the uncanny power to know what people were going to say before they said them. "I was wrong. I love Ben and yes, he has a dangerous job, and I am scared all the time, but any minute I can spend with him and with our three children is worth it.  You are not saving yourself from pain by leaving Maya.  You are not saving your children from pain.  Maya is one of the best there is, and she loves you with a love and devotion like I've never seen before. I know this scared you shitless.  You almost lost her and now that she's going to be ok, the anger is taking over. But Maya doesn't deserve your anger.  She went in that fire to save your future child.  Look at that precious baby laying there.  Maya risked her life for her. How can you be mad at that?" While Bailey had been talking, the cold and fear that had taken over Carina was thawing, and she began to sob quietly.  Bailey stopped talking and just held her in a hug until Carina cried all her fear and pain out. 

"I guess you do understand." Carina chuckled through her tears.  "Thanks Bailey." Carina took one more look at Charlotte, who was still sound asleep and slowly got up. "Go get your girl" Bailey said.

As Carina was walking down the hall to Maya's room, Andy rushed out. "Carina, I know you hate her right now, but she needs you." Carina ran after Andy and when she entered the room, she saw Maya trying to get up, clearly having a panic attack. "I have to get Carina. I can't live without her." Maya was saying in a panicked voice.  She could barely breath and her heart rate and blood pressure were scarily high.  

Carina calmly walked over to the love of her life and kneeled on the floor.  "I got you Maya. Breathe. Eyes on me. Good" As Maya began to register it was Carina in front of her, she slowly began to calm down.  "Carina, you left me." Maya's eyes were still as wild as a dog's you had been cornered. "Maya eyes on me. You're ok. Lay back.  I'm not leaving." Carina checked Maya's numbers and her heart rate and blood pressure were normalizing.

"Maya, I was wrong. I was scared and I don't ever want to feel that again.  I love you more than life itself and I can't live without you." The two of them just held each other, as Andy quietly snuck out of the room.