RUSSIAN ROULETTE ✨☁️✨NARUTOVARIOUS X READER

lovesick girl

3rd person pov

while naruto was on his mission saving the sands Kazekage ( gaara ) from the akatsuki. y/n took some time to herself to relax

don't get me wrong y/n is a hard worker but to her there was no point spending 2 years away from the village training JUST to come back and immediately do more training.

for that week y/ns schedule consisted of
• wake up and lay in bed ( 12:00 pm )
• brush teeth and shower ( 12:30 )
• go back in bed and find something to watch (1 pm)
• cook and eat ( 1:30 )
• lay in bed and watch movies/tv ( rest of her day)
• go to sleep ( 4:00 AM )

y/n tried convincing herself that this schedule was relaxing and not depressing. telling herself she's giving herself some downtime for working so hard and that she's not letting herself rot because of her insecurities

in the back of her head constantly she was thinking about the past incident with her teammate
' what if he's just using me '
' im such an easy fuck it's embarrassing'
' love?? naruto doesn't love me , we're just friends'
' there's no way he loves me in that way , i can't believe i fell for that '
' i'm such an idiot '

all these thoughts and worse constantly lingered in the back of her mind, sometimes the front. mostly the front of her mind. it was all she thought about.

" fuck i need to shit " y/n says to herself getting up from her couch and going to her bathroom

while in the bathroom she gets flashbacks of her and naruto's entanglement

" fuck my life " y/n facepalms

after handling her business y/n was washing her hands looking in the mirror. and the saying old habits die hard is very true in this moment because here our main character is... talking to herself.....like a fucking psycho.

" fuck y/n your fucked!! you fucked up since the day you met him you sicko!! crushing on a teammate?!! your disgusting!! but cmon almost FUCKING him is a new low.. im you so i know you don't love yourself like at all but i mean cmon at least try!! all he had to do was comfort you and make a couple pinkie promises and your gonna drop your draws?!! fucking slut i hate you! it's obvious he just wanted to hit and go back to being teammates. your not even a teammate to him, team 7 is on a mission and look at you!!! your talking to yourself in a bathroom mirror , nobody wants you. your nothing but a quick fuck "

after that little outburst toward well herself, y/n starts crying to herself on her bed and opens her diary to write her response to herself again

" it's been a full week now since naruto and the rest of team 7 left on the mission. it's not uncommon for missions to be over a week long so i'm not worried about that . i'm worried that naruto almost used me , well he did use me like 3/4 of the way. i feel totally useless and dumb and contradictingly i feel used. i've been crying myself to sleep the past 3 nights. it took a while for me to realize but i am such a dumb fuck. i almost let naruto fuck me not even a full 48 hours of me being back in the village, not even 36 hours. this is so embarrassing and we're on the same team, i can't believe i let my feelings for the blonde blind me, i mean it's obvious i've had a crush on him since we first became friends and that crush eventually switched over to sasuke, but once he left the village yk it REALLY switched back to naruto , and yk obviously we've only been friends bc well we were like 12 there was nothing else to do , but now that we're older it's different. now friends with benefits is a thing and i don't want that. i want the real thing a real relationship, but i know naruto doesn't like me like that , he's a passionate guy so it's no shocker he would say really sweet things just to reel me in. plus he knows me so well, naruto knows exactly what i want to hear. i'm so confused, i don't know if i should listen to my insecurities that could possibly be truths or do i listen to the amazing idea that i actually could be in the best relationship of my life with my favorite boy in the world, anyways i've been sobbing bricks and crying waterfalls writing this but thanks for listening to my boy problems diary!! i love you!! "