was it ever real?

20. i should've never left you

vinnie's pov -

in the passenger seat, narrowing her eyes into the view of the highway, jenae sits with her arms crossed and a pout on her face. she's probably still mad from earlier, but so am i? i haven't gotten over what she said either.

where did she get the idea that i wanted her gone?

with my palm resting on the top of the steering wheel and the other resting on the armrest, I take my eyes off the road for just a second to peek at the rearview mirror. in the back seat, everyone's sleep. mora's resting on the window wearing a dark grey hoodie covering her head and the same goes for aaron. although he's on the other side of the car.

and nano's somehow curled in the middle of them, resting his head on amorah's lap and squished in between the two.

only jenae and i were awake and she still refused to look at me.

me,
the one driving to her father's house to fake as her boyfriend.

once i realize that we're behind a mile of traffic, i put the car to a stop and scuff, "great." throwing my hands up, and then leaning back in my seat. i can feel jenae taking a glimpse at me, but she quickly returns her gaze to the cars with red tail lights.

besides the ghosting, was she so silly to put her career before a guy she knew?
was i the victim?
i didn't even consider her reasoning before our argument.
what would've happened if i never told her to go?
i feel so bad...and guilty.

to escape the constant thoughts in my mind, i reach for the radio knob and turn the volume up.

it's a frank ocean song.
perfect.

my fingers connect to the bottom of the steering wheel, tapping as i quickly glance at her. she doesn't turn her head, but mutters "what?" with an icy tone edging it.

ok.

my shoulders half-shrug and i mumble "nothing," under my breath, sighing on that same note. slowly, the cars gradually try to make an effort at passing the traffic but it's no use. only time or patience can help me in this situation.

both actually.

i glance at her again, but this time she returns it with a glare.

"we don't have to do this anymore," i say shrugging, "we aren't too far from the house. I'll turn around so you, amorah, and nano can still go to your dad's place and have fun."

"why?" i hear a bit of disappointment in her tone.

"because you clearly don't want to do this anymore."

"i never said that." she corrects me, now looking out the window.

i roll my eyes and let out a sarcastic snicker under my breath. I continue tapping to the beat, on the steering wheel to distract myself. but the more the music plays, the more she looks like she's stuck in her head as if she's considering it.

she looks in the rear mirror before asking, "why did you act like you didn't care afterward? like it was no big deal"

i assume she's still referring to that night...

"i cared for no one but you jenae, i dunno where you got that idea from."

"vincent please..just spare the excuses and for once just tell me why you didn't tell me to stay."

oh.

the corners of her full lips are pointed downward and she shifts her body closer to the armrest, blinking her eyes.

she's serious.

"i..." i hesitate to answer since it was a good question. "i didn't want to be the one to hold you back on something I knew you loved and inspired."

"the thing is, you weren't."

"but you got to have so many opportunities in new york jenae. stop being so stubborn and understand i had so much respect for you to become successful and make a name for yourself. you think you were the only one heartbroken but i can promise you, you weren't. waking up to an empty bed and feeling around to realize you had left...really hurt me. i couldn't contact you at all, for 2 years straight."

she pauses, taking in what i said and looking down, to find something to say.

the car gets silent other than the faint snores from one of the three in the back. the sky's dark, but light droplets of rain begin to hit the windows and windshield.

"I'm...sorry," she pauses. "i apologize. i should've never left without communicating better or leaving without an explanation. i should've never ghosted you. i just thought you got what you wanted."

"got what?"

"my virginity."

oh..

i sat quietly, staring into the highway—that wasn't moving anywhere—for a few seconds before returning my gaze to her. I don't say anything but react by leaning on the armrest and looking at jenae in both of her glossy eyes.

she looked like she was ready to...cry?

"i apologize too, i never wanted you to feel like I threw you away or didn't care. I just thought it was what was best for you. I didn't want it to hurt so bad if you left" i murmured as i caress her soft cheek, prepared for a tear to drop from her eyes.

the red lights flash on her face as I study it, trying to figure out what she's thinking. her eyelashes flutter and finally, a tear drops. she tries to pull her head away to wipe it, but instead, i wipe the tear from her cheek with my thumb.

"jenae," I begin to say, looking at her. her naturally long, curly eyelashes are watery and her eyes are glistening. "i would never use you for that...to ever take that from you."

and if i wasn't driving, i would reach over to hug and comfort her. to let her know it's okay.

that the past is in the past now.

"i didn't want to feel so...abandon like i did when she left. so that's why i ghosted you, as a defense mechanism." her lips tremble and her voice sounds shaky.

i know she's talking about her mom.

she gave me a brief "her mom's not around" but never told me the full story.

"It's okay now," i lightly nod my head at her, taking grasp of her hand and holding it in a way of comfort.

clearing her voice and wiping her eyes, she questions, "shouldn't you be worried about the road?" looking down at her jeans and fidgeting with the rips while gently smiling.

"right.." i shift my gaze to the traffic that began to loosen up. but throughout the whole car ride, even while she slept, i covered her hand on the armrest.

still comforting her.