Fights in the Falls

The Golf War

Dipper sat on the couch with Waddles, eating cereal as he watched some TV.

"Who wants Stan-cakes?" Stan asked as he walked into the living room. "They're like pancakes, but they probably have some of my hair in 'em."

"Pass," Dipper said flatly.

Before Stan could respond, Mabel burst through the door, screaming giddily and causing ear damage for miles.

"It's here!" she cried as she ran around the room excitedly. "Oh, it's here! It's here, it's here! I've been waiting all morning and it's finally here! The Gravity Falls Gossiper accepted my article about summer fashion tips for squirrels. My picture is gonna be in the newspaper! Check it!"

"'Pacifica Northwest declares v-neck the look of the season!'" Stan read aloud as Mabel shoved the paper in his face. "What am I looking at here?"

"Woah, woah, WHAT?!" Mabel exclaimed as she looked at the front page.

Indeed, the newspaper showed an image of Pacifica with the headline. "GREATEST THING OF THE SUMMER!"

"Looks like someone bought their way to the front page," Dipper said, munching on his cereal.

"Is it legal for a child to wear that much makeup?" Stan asked.

"Ugh, Pacifica!" Mabel grunted as she threw the newspaper to the floor. "She always ruins everything!"

"Yeah," Dipper said in an unenthusiastic tone. "I'm sure the three people that read The Gossiper will be enthralled by Pacifica's fashion advice."

"Dudes!" Soos declared as he burst into the room. "V-neck season is upon us! Who wants to help me get ahead of the fashion curve? I'm taking it one step further with a w-neck."

At that, Soos marked a w-line on the collar of his shirt and tries cutting the fabric with safety scissors.

"Must... follow... newspaper..."

"Okay," Dipper said re-thinking. "Four people."

Mabel sulked over to the kitchen table, a frown on her face. She poured herself some orange juice into a shot glass and downed it in a gulp, slamming the glass on the table.

"Aack!" Mabel spat sadly. "I need something to get my mind off this..."

"Looking for a distraction from your horrible life?" a voice from the TV spoke.

"Why yes!" Mabel said, looking at the screen.

"Victory! Honor! Destiny! Mutton!" the commercial person said. "These old-timey-sounding words are alive and well at the Gravity Falls Royal Discount Putt Hutt (no mutton available at the snack shop)!"

"Well, that sounds about your speed," Dipper said, before looking to his grunkle. "She's been amazing at mini-golf since we were kids."

Mabel gave a nod. "I am pretty good... And that does sound like fun..."

"C'mon Mabel," Dipper said with a smirk. "We've had a stressful couple of days. I think we all deserve a break."

"Would kicking all our butts at mini-golf cheer you up?" Stan asked excitedly.

"... Maybe a little," Mabel decided.

"Come on, hambone!" Soos encouraged. "Victory!"

"Honor!" Mabel declared.

"Destiny!" Stan shouted along.

"Mutton not included," Dipper chimed in.

The group walked out of the house, chanting as they went and leaving Waddles in charge of the house.