Watching Sunrises

Cafe Strolls

Three months after Loren stepped foot in her first Art History class, the time has come for her to start making headway on her dissertation.

The cool breeze and light rains characteristic of a London morning create a perfect storm for a day curled up on the couch, but instead, Loren sat herself down in one of the smaller cafes near UCL to work on her dissertation's review of related literature.

She had so many ideas in her head on which topic she wanted to focus on, which is a good problem to have. But after bouncing off ideas during a long, but very fruitful discussion with her adviser, she chose to focus on one of her first, yet long-enduring special interests: Philippine textiles.

With coffee on one hand, plus the stack of readings on her side, she hankered down with her laptop and typed like there was no tomorrow.

During one of the few times she looked up from her work, she heard a familiar voice ordering some coffee in front of the counter. It's a voice that for obvious reasons, she will always remember.

"Madam?", the woman who turned out to be Leni called out when they made eye contact.

Loren quickly shushed her. "Please, Ma'am, just call me Loren while we're here."

"Pasensya na. Yun ang nakasanayan, eh.", Leni smiled before taking the seat right across her.

"What are you doing here anyway?", Loren inquired.

Leni opened her purse and brought out her cellphone, eyeglasses, and some paperwork. "Ahh, nag-coffee stopover lang ako dito bago ang IPU assembly."

Loren's eyes widened. "Oh, wow, are you planning to run for some sort of position in the Women Parliamentarians committee?"

"Hindi muna sa ngayon", Leni answered. "Sanayin ko muna sarili ko sa proseso since first time ko."

Surprisingly, the conversation between them was pleasant, without much hint of any awkwardness to speak of.

"Bakit nga pala umalis ka after resigning?", Leni asked. "Ine-expect ko mag-reresign ka lang as SP Pro Temp, not...this."

Loren lazily stirred her coffee around. "Leni, I've been in the public eye since I was 15. I just want to live my life as myself, for once. Can't do that back home."

Leni nodded. "Sobrang pressure nga talaga un. Minsan, na-mimiss ko na maging private citizen, pero I can't really ignore the call of duty."

"If that's your calling, it would be very irresponsible na hindi mo pakinggan."

"What are your plans after you finish your degree?"

Loren took another sip. "I'll go back to the Philippines and maybe try my hand in curation? Maybe consider going on YouTube? I don't know."

"Just not running for office?"

Loren vigorously shook her head.

Moments later, Leni then continued on with another story. "Actually, the day I landed here, dahil medyo jetlagged pa from the flight, nag-punta kami sa Tate Modern, which is one of the more well-known contemporary museums dito. Tapos while we were walking around, there's this young man na palaging nakatingin sa akin."

"Okay, tapos?"

Leni wore her eyeglasses and scanned the menu. "So nilapitan ko siya, I introduced myself and same with him, tapos sabi ko sa sarili, this guy looks like someone I know. Then while walking around, nag-usap kami about the various artworks in the museum. He's very knowledgable, very passionate guy."

With the passing of time and the blinders taken off, it's easy for Loren to understand why many senators gravitated towards Leni. She just has this way of connecting that never felt forced whether you've known her for the first time or have been talking for a while. "Go on, Leni."

"Then one time, we were looking at this big piece, we got into a conversation about family, because na-mention niya that he's been estranged with his family for quite a while, then he said 'It was really painful to cut my family off and it was the best thing for me then, but sometimes I miss getting a hug from my mom'."

Leni's story felt closer to home than Loren would like, but couldn't quite a finger on why. She then went into journalist mode and asked more questions to keep her talking. "Did you offer to do that? I hope you did."

"Oo.", Leni said. "Clearly, he's been struggling for a while."

She then took out her phone and scrolled to a photo in her gallery before handing it to her. "Ito siya."

Loren nearly dropped Leni's phone as soon as she recognized the man standing next to Leni in the photo. Seeing that face again felt like looking at a mirror image of her, then came the sinking feeling that she's the person who caused him that pain.

She then gasped and placed the phone on the table. "Oh my God!"

"Loren? Reg? Okay ka lang?"

It took a while before words came out of Loren's mouth. "...the young man you just met in Tate Modern? That's is my son."

Leni reached out for her phone and shuffled between inspecting the photo again and looking at Loren's face. "No wonder he looked very familiar. Ano bang nangyari?"

Loren braced herself to open this can of worms. "Well, our relationship wasn't always the best, mostly my own fault. Our last conversation before he stopped talking, we ended up in a huge fight because I decided to join...you know, that Senate slate.

To this day, di pa rin ako makapaniwala sa mga sinabi ko sa kanya noon, but I've failed my son, and I respect his decision to cut ties."

Opening up about the estrangement reopened a bandaged wound that's still raw to the touch. Worse, it's yet another thing Leni could use against her. "Ayan, huwaran kang magulang, ako iniwan ng anak. Happy?"

Loren prepared herself for the prospect of Leni laughing at her face, but instead, the other woman placed her hand on top of Loren's. "This is a very difficult situation to be in bilang isang nanay, but I think giving him that space and acknowledging his autonomy already says a lot about you. Sometimes, the best way to show your love for your sons is to know when to back off and focus on yourself ."

"So hindi mo ako aasarin like you always did?", Loren asked.

Leni shook her head. "Di naman ako ganyang karuming lumaban."

"By the way, I'm sorry for everything I did to you before I left.", Loren continued, swirling her latte. "That was a very low move on my part."

Leni smiled. "Matagal na kitang pinatawad, but I appreciate the apology."

Just then, Loren grabbed her purse and took out a blue plaid handkerchief from inside. "By the way, I've been meaning to give this to you, but just never found the right timing."

It's Leni's turn to gasp in shock. "Oh, wow, is that–"

"Naiwan ni Jesse ito noong nag-almusal sila sa bahay namin that day.", Loren said before handing the handkerchief to Leni. "If this gives you any comfort, I think he was a very happy man when he boarded that plane."

Leni took the handkerchief from Loren and took a whiff. "Grabe, medyo amoy pa ung pabango niya."

Just before Loren got a chance to respond, a red admiral butterfly flew right in between them. The butterfly circled around the table before landing on Leni's shoulder.

"Hi, Bok.", Leni greeted the butterfly. "Tagal mo nang hindi nagpapakita, ah."

Loren choked up seeing Leni smile when the butterfly showed up. "I guess he came with you to London, no?"

"Ay, bago ko malimutan..."

Leni then took a small piece of laminated paper with what looked like a QR code printed on it out of her coat pocket and gave it to Loren. "May surprise pala ako sa iyo mamayang 7pm. Scan mo ung code for the details."

"Wow, Leni you've really outdone yourself.", Loren remarked. "Now I'm excited."

A little after, Leni then stood up and waved goodbye. "Sige, mauna nako. Baka ma-late ako sa assembly."

"Sige, ingat!", Loren waved back.

Once Leni left, Loren scanned the QR code with her phone and was greeted with the name of the place she was supposed to show up in later. "I guess there's only one way to find out."