Watching Sunrises

Drunken Haze

A/N: TW for descriptions of dissociation. Don't read this chapter if you're not in the right headspace.

After the session adjourned for the day, Pia, Risa, Leni, and Loren headed for Pia's house to cap off the night. When they arrived inside, Pia and Loren then laid down the cases of San Mig Light (Risa's request, of course), some mocktails (also a recommendation from Risa), and a wide array of pulutan to feast on.

It's been a while since Pia last drank socially, and the first time for the four of them to get together in person since Loren left for London, so might as well make it count.

A medley of OPM music, 70s classic rock, and Taylor Swift songs blared from the large Bluetooth speaker on the kitchen counter while the four of them shared a lot of stories and a lot of laughs about work, showbiz crushes, and travel tales from around the world.

To the surprise of absolutely no one, Loren dominated most of the conversation. Even without alcohol, she could still talk her ear off about anything under the sun.

In the middle of a round of drinks, the conversation went to everyone's future plans.

"So, ladies, what are your plans after the Senate?" Risa asked before taking a swig of the beer in her hand.

Leni was the first one to speak. "Pwede pa ako tumakbo for one more term, so focus ako doon. Starting on the groundwork as early as now para by 2031, polishing na lang."

Loren did a double-take on what she just heard and chewed on some dynamite. "Congrats, Leni, you finally learned the lesson - sa kampanya, bawal ang cramming."

After collapsing into laughter, Risa and Loren gave each other a high-five. "Tama yan, Ate Lo. VIPs talaga kayo nina Grace."

As if on cue, Beer by Itchyworms played on shuffle when Risa mentioned Grace's name. "Speaking of...Nga pala, Ate, what are your plans after getting your MA?"

Loren finished chewing the dynamite and drank one of the mocktails. "Ay, ang dami. I'm planning on going the museum curator route, but I also want to go back to content creation and maybe start my own YouTube channel? So many ideas, so little time."

Leni opened a can of beer and took a swig from it. "Wala ka na sa Senate, puno pa rin ang schedule mo? Pahinga naman pag may time."

Risa raised an eyebrow. "Sabi ng tao na ang motto ay 'bawal idle'. Wag nga ako, pangga."

Everyone erupted into laughter when Risa said that.

"Ikaw, Ris, anong plano mo?" Loren asked, taking a sip of her mocktail. "You're term-limited, right?"

Risa's eyes lit up when she talked about her plans. "Oh, I'm going back to the theater right after my term - attend workshops, audition for various roles, maybe do a solo show down the line?"

Pia finished what's left of her beer and cracked another can open. "Wow, that's great. Pag mag-perform ka, sabihan mo kami para full support ang fruity bloc."

"Thank you, Pia.", Risa said before taking a bite of some chicharon. "Di ako umaasa ng leading lady roles, kahit mga nanay tatanggapin ko na."

Pia could feel the heaviness in her stomach from the beer now. Her head's throbbing, her body  numb from any pain or feeling.

After not drinking for so long, she had already forgotten how it felt to be under the spell of an alcohol-induced haze. It felt like she was watching a movie play out in front of her - a spectator in her own life.

Risa then faced Pia and asked the question she asked everyone else. "Ikaw, PJ, ano gagawin mo after your term ends?"

Pia spaced out for a few seconds before snapping out. "What?"

Leni repeated what she said, this time more slowly. "Anong plano mo sa 2031?"

"I don't know...maybe ask again close to the date?" Pia said, shrugging her shoulders. "I'd rather focus on my current term than think that far into the future."

Leni crossed her arms. "Kahit ano, wala?"

Three sets of eyes stared at her as if waiting for an answer. Pia found herself shrinking upon the realization that she hasn't even thought about the long term.

Things got even worse when the conversation went into their achievements for the year. For Leni, Risa, and Loren, the answers came so effortlessly, with matching receipts in some cases. "Meanwhile, I can't even convince my colleagues to listen to me, even with the Pro Tempore title."

The music became noise in her head and the smells of the beer and the food combined proved too much for her to handle.

"PJ?", Leni called out.

Leni's voice became the final straw before something in Pia snapped. "Please, can everyone just shut up?"

The three other women stared at each other before staring at Pia back. "Sige na, kayo na ang may mga plano at pangarap sa buhay, ako wala. Kayo nang may mga na-accomplish, ako wala. Rub it in my face, for all I care, but just leave me out of this conversation."

Suddenly, Pia bolted and walked out into the pool area without saying a word.

Loren got up to chase her, only for Leni to stop her in her tracks. "Loren, ako bahala dito."

With a can of beer on-hand, Pia stared into the swimming pool in front of her yard. The waves oscillated in the stillness of the night, sending her into a trance-like state. "What's so hard about that question, Pia? You should know the answer by now sa tanda mong ito."

She then felt someone's presence looming beside her, but she couldn't tell who it was. "Hi, PJ. Samahan lang kita saglit"

Pia stared into the distance. "Who's calling me PJ? Si Lens ba ito?"

Leni then got up and walked back to the kitchen. "Teka lang, PJ, balik ako saglit. Diyan ka lang."

A minute later, she came back with some ice cubes and handed one to Pia. "Hawakan mo ito for me."

Pia eyed Leni in confusion but complied.

The coldness of the ice cube did the trick of bringing Pia back to the ground. She's still a bit hazy from the drinks, but she could now feel the rough texture of the woodgrain and smell someone's perfume nearby.

She then looked to her left to find Leni standing right beside her with her hand stretched out. "Akin na ung beer mo. Mukhang quota ka na for today."

Pia then handed her drink over to Leni, who then poured the contents into the trashcan nearby.

"Wait, sayang ang beer!" Pia exclaimed, then resigned herself to her fate.

Once Leni emptied the can, Leni threw the can in the trashcan and leaned on the fence. "PJ, okay ka lang ba?"

After what happened right before, Pia sighed in resignation. "Honestly? I'm not."

Leni nodded and gestured to Pia to keep on talking.

Pia took this as a sign and continued on "Naiinggit ako kasi you all have something to look forward to sa buhay niyo. After 2031, what's next for me? Run for a local post? Retire altogether without a plan? I don't know."

"Sige cost-benefit analysis tayo - sa mga current choices mo, ano ung benefit niya sa buhay mo, tapos ano ung costs associated with it. Pwede mo ngayon i-narrow down." Leni said, shifting into economist mode. "What are your incentives? Aligned ba siya sa goals mo?'

"Salamat sa refresher ng Econ 11, pero paano kung hindi ko nga alam ung goal ko?", Pia questioned. "

Leni facepalmed and shook her head. "Hay, PJ, ewan ko sa iyo."

Pia's face fell, causing Leni to segway once more. "Pero okay lang 'yan, PJ. Siguro advice ko na lang is to explore your options - baka naman you're trying to fit yourself into this mold that's not fit for you anymore, kaya ka nahihirapan. You'll never know, maybe the path for you is the one you least expect to enjoy the most."

Leni flashed a smile and walked right back into the kitchen.

So many questions flooded Pia's mind after hearing Leni's words and the time away gave her a space to reflect. "Maybe she's right - I'm looking for answers in the wrong places..."