Watching Sunrises

Morning Confessions

A/N: This was what used to be the bonus chapter titled "If Not Now, Then When?" but decided to integrate it with the main Watching Sunrises storyline.

TRIGGER WARNING: Talks of suicide attempts. 

After a long night of drinking and debauchery (and a ton of clean-up the morning after), Pia sent off Leni and Risa before the two women drove home. "Safe drive, ladies! See you on Monday."

Leni waved at Pia as she entered the driver's side of the car. "Bye, Peej!"

"Thank you for having us, Peej," Risa waved from the passenger seat.

Pia's eyes remained on Leni and Risa's car until they drove past the gate. As soon as they were out of sight, she closed the door and walked towards Loren sitting on the couch before sinking beside her. "Wow, what a night. Haven't had one of those in a long while."

Loren took a swig of some orange juice from breakfast. "I know. The last time we had a ladies' night, pwede pa ako uminom."

The two of them laughed as they reminisced memories of old. "Wala pa si Lens nun, no? Tayo pa lang tatlo ni Ris..."

"Lens was there that night, but I understand what you meant," Loren smirked. "Binuhat pa natin dalawa si Ris noon papuntang kotse niya, diba?"

Pia's mind blanked out for a few seconds before remembering. "Oh, right. Di pa rin ako makapaniwala na kinayanan mo siya, eh."

Loren flexed her right bicep. "I think I still have some strength left in me. Maybe I should start lifting more."

The Lady from Taguig's eyes twinkled at the mention of another fitness regime. "Uy, love, if you're serious about that, I can link you to a trainer. It's not too late to start."

"After my MA graduation, I'll take you up on that, dearest," Loren said, cupping Pia's cheeks. "Saglit lang ako dito, eh."

Pia felt a painful twinge at the thought of Loren leaving the country again after next month. Yes, she's going back home after graduation, but the thought of going back to a long-distance relationship after seeing, hearing, and touching her in the flesh again was a prospect she was looking forward to.

It doesn't help that she's sensing that there's something else Loren wasn't telling her that she should have the right to know, especially with how Risa and even Leni appeared to know things she, her girlfriend, she's not privy to.

Pia took a deep breath and let out a heavy sigh.

"P, what's up?" Loren asked. "Parang ang lalim ng buntung-hininga natin diyan, ah."

For once, Pia decided to stop dilly-dallying and asked about the elephant in the room. "Reg, love, why are you hiding so many things from me? Bakit parang mas may alam pa ung dalawa sa buhay mo kaysa sa akin?"

Her voice quivered as tears rolled down her eyes. "Why did you stop talking to me when you landed in London? Why do I feel like an outsider in our relationship when I should be the first to know?"

Loren stared at Pia in stunned silence for a few minutes or so. Her eyes became more downcast and her chin shook as if trying to keep a lid on the emotions attempting to come out. "Because I almost broke my promise to you na babalikan kita. Happy?"

Pia's heart sank, not because Loren hid things from her, but because of the thought of her carrying so much weight on her shoulders. "Regina..."

Before Pia could say anything else, Loren continued. "I thought that if I started pursuing my MA, the problems would go away, but maybe it's the isolation or what, lumala pa. I was barely eating, barely sleeping, sometimes I would go for days without showering."