Of Two Minds

Chapter 12 Part 2: Chariots of Fire and Chaos

AVENGERS: PRINCIPAL PHOTOGRAPHY

Tom stood quietly in Wardrobe, a serious expression on his face as he prepared mentally for the day ahead. The wardrobe assistants placed the final costume pieces on him one at a time, fastening his wrist gauntlets and adjusting his shoulder armor to fit. Once everything was complete, the assistants left his side to attend to other tasks.

"Are you sure you want to do this?"

With a smile, Tom turned to Scarlett, who stood nearby with his helmet in her hands. She snuck away from her own scene preparations long enough to provide encouragement by keeping him company, the two of them bonding in the silence until he was ready. "I'd be lying if I tried to convince you that I had no fear, but..."

She nodded with understanding. "But the show must go on."

"You have no idea how much I hate that thing."

"The chariot?" Scarlett asked, her eyebrow raised in confusion.

Tom shook his head. "No. The helmet. It's hot, it's claustrophobic. It makes me feel hemmed in, trapped. I detest it, I absolutely detest it. I not only have to face the chariot with the knowledge that yesterday it was rigged to kill me..." he swallowed and closed his eyes, "I have to face it while I'm wearing that monstrosity."

"The helmet doesn't wear you, Tom. You wear it. You are the one in control of the situation, and you can do this. I believe in you." Glancing once at her reflection on the helmet's surface, she extended the helmet towards him.

He took in a shaky breath and accepted the helmet from her hand. "You're right, of course. We do not choose the days and times that are given to us. We only choose what we do with them."

"If that's not poetry," Scarlett smiled at him, "it should be. Maybe this one might be more of the verse you need." She pulled a piece of paper from her pocket, unfolded it, and began to read.

"Out of the night that covers me,

Black as the pit from pole to pole,

I thank whatever gods may be

For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance

I have not winced nor cried aloud.

Under the bludgeonings of chance

My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears

Looms but the Horror of the shade,

And yet the menace of the years

Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,

How charged with punishments the scroll,

I am the master of my fate,

I am the captain of my soul."

Tom's eyes brightened as Scarlett recited the verse. "Oh, I know that one well. That's perfect. Thank you."

"I thought you'd like that," she winked as she put the poem back in her pocket. Reaching up, she gave him a warm hug to encourage him further. "Go show them what you're made of, tiger."

Emboldened with courage that only love and support from friends can provide, Tom placed the helmet on his head and departed Wardrobe. He walked down the hall toward the set, his stride long and confident as he entered the room with the Chitauri chariot.

As stuntmen buckled him into a safety harness, Tom studied the chariot and the floor surrounding it. Not a single sign of the previous night's carnage remained. Tony, Bruce, and their crews did their work well.

Once the harness was secure, Tom took his place on the Chitauri chariot. He waited as the stuntmen hooked him up to the safety wires that would keep him from falling off as the chariot rigging rocked during the filming, his heart pounding in anticipation of the scene. The director joined Tom on the chariot, advising him which pieces of the sequence they would film first as he listened to the guidance for the clip.

Quickly the director returned to his spot beside the camera, giving directions to the various individuals on the crew. Tom noticed that today's camera crew included the S.H.I.E.L.D. agent with the glasses and mustache. Somehow the agent's presence gave him an additional measure of courage. He renewed his focus and set his face for the scene. "Ready..." called the director with a pause, "and... action!"

The day's team ran the first clip once, twice, and more as needed before moving on to the next clip. The rhythm remained the same as the day progressed: set up the scene with the director, run the scene, break and run it again as needed, and go on to the next if the director had enough good takes to satisfy them. They halted long enough for lunch before returning Tom to the chariot and safety wires to start again.

"Cut!" the director called out after a couple more hours of filming. "Great work, everyone. Let's call it a day." The stuntmen returned to the chariot, unhooking Tom from the safety wires and helping him climb down from the chariot where they removed the harness.

Free from the chariot, the rigging, and the harness, Tom pulled the helmet from his head. Holding it in his hands as he gazed inside in contemplation, he heaved a long, deep sigh of immeasurable relief. While other past work challenged his skill as an actor, rarely had any other scene challenged him to tame his fear as today's scene.

He walked back down the hall towards Wardrobe, pulling his cell phone out of the hidden pocket in his costume. Unlocking the screen, he sent the message he promised to his friends in the Avengers cast chat.

[HIDDLESTON: I am through for the day. They have all the takes they need.]

Tom placed the phone in the pocket of his own clothes, walking back to the center of the floor where the assistants helped him remove the gauntlets, armor, boots, and outer layers of the costume. The pieces that remained he could remove himself in private.

Once alone in the dressing room, Tom sat heavily in the nearby chair. He reclined, closing his eyes for a moment to catch his breath. Loki came to this world an uncertain and insecure person, needing a careful mixture of Tom's strength and vulnerability to question everything he knew and begin to rebuild himself from the pieces. The days on end of high alert wore down Tom's reserves of energy, taking its toll on his spirit.

But as Tom spent deliberate time and care to bolster and heal Loki during these months, now the Asgardian trickster began to return the favor.

LOKI: You did it. Well done, mighty warrior.

TOM: I needed to hear that so very much right now, though I will deny being a mighty warrior. I did nothing more than run a few scenes.

LOKI: Yes, you are. It's not every day on the set you know that someone is trying to kill you. You are a warrior; I have declared it so. Come, let's finish here quickly and go home. You need to eat and rest before we return to the set to search later tonight.

[Author Note 1: Tom didn't quote poetry, but paraphrased a Tolkien quote from Gandalf to Frodo in The Fellowship of the Ring]

[Author Note 2: Scarlett read Invictus by William Ernest Henley]