All About You

Chapter Eight

Past

Dora threw a Halloween party while her mother was out of town, and she asked me to help her organise it. We both wanted to see older guys and drink without being judged. I was going to turn seventeen in a few months, and I wanted to start the celebration early. Other girls kept saying I had good taste in music and guys of course.

I told Mum a few days in advance that Dora and I were planning a sleepover. She trusted me and I'd never given her a reason not to. In the past few weeks, I'd been having nightmares, the same dream at exactly the same time. I kept waking up in the middle of the night drenched with sweat, still remembering his hands on my body. I had to do something to piss Oliver off. This was the only way that I could stop the nightmares. Hurting him would push the demons away for some time. He never fought back, and I felt like he wanted to show me he didn't care if I hurt him or not. It had been a while since I'd done anything to humiliate him, and it was time to prove to him I was still strong and more powerful than him.

A few months had passed, and I was trying to come to terms with everything that happened between Christian and me. Dating hadn't been easy, and a lot of guys wanted to take Christian's place. He'd been popular, handsome, and was just about to leave Gargle to start his rugby career at Uni before he died. One night with Bryan, I let him go further than anyone else. We had sex, but the whole time that he was on top of me, I was trying not to burst into tears. That night was meaningless, but he wanted more.

Christian had broken the shell of my heart when he touched and violated me like no other man ever had. I kept my secret hidden from everyone, afraid if they knew the truth, others would blame me, saying I'd brought it on myself. I was his girlfriend, so I was supposed to sleep with him. My mother and even Dora had no idea that Christian had become a real monster in the last few moments of his life. It was easy to pretend, I learned fast, and I played with my shattered emotions.

A week before the party at Dora's house, we started inviting people from school. Dora was planning to send official invitations in a day or two. We all knew that no one expected Oliver to show up. Other teenagers didn't want to be associated with a loser like him. Me, though, I had to become someone else for the night.

"I put Cerry in charge of invitations," Dora said while we were in her bedroom making a list of things that we needed to buy for the party.

"Why Cerry? I thought you didn't like her?" I glanced up as I painted my toenails. Another party—that would bring a storm of memories and anxiety. Deep down I didn't want to go, but Dora was my best friend and she would get mad if I didn't show up.

"You know she adores me, so I wanted to let her feel responsible for something at the party." Dora shrugged, brushing her hair. "What about Oliver? Should we leave him alone, or push him a little more?"

Her room was spacious and filled with fashion magazines and beauty products. It had been three months since my tense conversation with Oliver at Christian's funeral. He'd tried to talk to me after that, but I could only fight back. My coping mechanism was crushed. Each time he looked at me, it was like he wanted an explanation of why I treated him so badly.

"It's a party for everyone else; he knows he isn't welcome." I relished putting foundation on my fair skin. It was hard to look in the mirror these days because I kept seeing my pathetic face when I couldn't bring myself to fight Christian. I should have called the police or told Dora, but I let him dictate what he wanted to do with me.

Dora started worrying her bottom lip, thinking hard about what I said. I'd taught her well. We'd both spread rumours about Oliver since school started. He'd been trying to blend in after his popular brother died, but I hadn't let him.