Strings Attached (Sequel)

Reason

March 11th

Faye Calinao

Hello Faye Calinao,

I'm not sure if you will ever read this letter, but if you are here reading this now, I would like to first make an apology. An apology is something that isn't enough to describe the amount of pain I have caused you. As I look back at myself back then for how I've treated you, I regret anything that had to do with causing you trauma. I am deeply and sincerely sorry for bullying you. I am sorry for not being the friend Ximen wanted me to be for you.

One of the biggest mistakes I've made was giving you a hard time. I know this is not an excuse. Geng should not have been the reason why I caused all the trouble to you. It wasn't only that I helped Geng accomplish her goals, but I made the one person Ximen cared for the most miserable and I was not being a great person to you both. I know it is an issue I have mentally and physically hurt you.

Deeply it has guilted me ever since you left Shanghai, that not only have I hurt you, I hurt Ximen, for making you decide to leave. You never deserved any of the humiliation and pain you faced. Its only fair now if you wanted to report me for all of my terrible actions, I will accept my fate. If you want me to leave my friends so you can be at ease, I will leave F4. I don't want you to suffer or be frightened anymore.

I hope with your return you will be accepting towards the rest of F4. I hope you will be open and be able to make friends. I hope you will be able to bond with Ximen more.

I'm sorry for ruining what you and Ximen may have had. Though I am genuinely happy you and Lei are growing close together and I am glad you have found some happiness. Lei is someone who I feel of this whole group deserves much happiness and I think he has found that with you. I do hope you both continue on with your relationship. I've never seen him so protective and carefree until he has met you. There's a side of Lei we haven't seen until he has gotten to know you. I'm rooting for you both!

If you don't mind me being around or try to let me into your life, I will be forever grateful. That seems like a very small chance, but if I'm ever given a chance, I'll make every effort to be a better person. I promise to make an effort to help you find your happiness as I only think that may be the only thing I can do to help.

If you've actually read this letter, thank you for reading.

Doaming Si

The original letter dated back in November when Lei and I were preparing for our midterm performance. The letter was given to me on the day of the midterm only to be read once before finals and after getting out of the hospital when I had lost my memory for a while. Only then I wanted to try and slowly accept Doaming Si into my life.

I watched and listened over the months how he changed his actions towards me. I knew Shancai played a huge role in this change, but I knew he wanted to try and do better for himself and for everyone around him.

This was a decision I had been pondering about since I opened the letter. I refocused to see everyone staring at Lei and I for the answer. I squeezed Lei's hand feeling anxious and shaky hoping this decision would not haunt me in the future. 

"If it's okay..." I started off nervously and looked towards Doaming Si. He blinked a few times wondering what I wanted to say as I looked towards him. "I would like Daoming Si... to be the godfather." I watched as his expression changed into complete shock and he stared between Lei and I wondering if he was hearing right. At first he seemed to be conflicted and in disbelief before he stepped away from Meizuo and Shancai. Doaming Si walked towards us and I grew more nervous each step he took towards us. Since we were a bit distant from everyone, it took a few moments for him to reach us.