things change - byler

.21

TW*
mentioning SA

max stopped her car outside the school building in her parking spot, I dreaded going inside. I did not want to see Troy and james. how could I? I fought my mom for hours to not let me go to school, but she doesn't know the truth. Neither does anyone else. I felt guilty for lying to mike last night, but I had no choice. Troy would hurt me, if I told anyone. Or worse..
I didn't even realize I stopped outside the front doors, until mike walked back and spoke to me.
-"are you okay?" He asks, as I stare ahead.
I nod, walking inside with my head down. i was hoping Troy wouldn't talk to me today, I have him in 3rd period, and his locker isn't far from mine. i had one class with james, but none of james and Troy together. which I thank god for.
i walked to my locker, looking around for him. I didn't know why, I just wanted to be ready in case something were to happen. I grab my things for history, and walk to class next to max.
-"hey will!" She smiled acting like she hadn't seen me in forever, even though she drove me here.
-"hey, max." I smiled weakly sitting down.
-"Is your leg better yet?"
-"yeah, a little. You asked me in the car." I chuckle awkwardly.
it was a little silent between us, before she spoke once again.
-"hey, Lucas' parents are out of town tonight. Erica works at the bowling alley tonight, Lucas wanted all of us to come over to hang out. Do you want to come?" She asked.
-"just us, right?" I ask, not showing any specific expression.
-"yeah, that's what Lucas implied. But of course, you don't have to come if you don't feel like it." she shook her head, trying to be understanding.
-"yeah, I'm coming. what time?"
-"7. I'll just pick you up since I'm passing by your house on the way there anyway." She smiled.
-"okay.. thanks." I smiled, faintly.
I was hoping tonight would be the one time I could just forget about troy and my dad. i could just hang out with my friends, and my boyfriend, without feeling insecure and cautious of everything.

once that bell rang, i noticed Troy not at his locker. maybe he wasn't here today. was he not here yesterday? i almost wanted to wait there until the bell rang, but it wasn't worth being late. And besides, he could just be skipping like he was monday. Don't get to worked up over nothing.
i walked into second, with my mind still swirling around with thoughts. I sat down, staring into space.
what would I do when I see him next?
i know I'm going to have to see him eventually.
he's in my classes.
would he try to talk to me again?
what would he say?
would he try again?
was that some sort of prank?
or was it just to make me feel miserable..
what if he's gay?
no, that's so stupid.
But why would he do that if he wasn't gay?
he was just trying to..
what was he trying to do?
what was the point of any of that?
was he planning on stabbing me from the beginning?
maybe he just found an easier way to do it?
I don't even know what to think about it anymore.
i don't k-
-"hey."
the whispered voice startled me a bit, making me look to my side where mike was looking at me.
-"you okay?" mike asked.
i should really start charging people for every time they ask me that.
-"yeah, I'm good." I nodded, noticing the teacher was looking at me while talking.
i paid attention to her, listening to her explaining our homework and what to do with it.

•••

at lunch, I sat at my table and noticed Troy nor James were sitting with the football players, meaning they weren't here today. I felt relief in my chest, I was not ready to face them yet. i feel like some people who aren't in my situation would feel like I'm being a little.. overdramatic. Like he didn't actually do what he planned on doing, he was just touching me. But to me, i felt trapped. I couldn't even move, I was so shocked and scared I felt frozen. seeing him might actually make me break down in tears, which I find it so embarrassing crying in front of people. especially mike, which he's the only person I've cried in front of, besides my mom and el. but they're family so it's different. my friends were talking at the table, and I was trying not to be awkward and talk with them. I felt like my day was going to be better, knowing they weren't there and I wasn't going to see my dad today. Hopefully, at least.
max and I walked side by side as we were jumping in line to get our food.
-"I'm so excited for tonight, because we can go night swimming in his pool with colorful lights that glow when it gets dark. Bring extra clothes, we all might be staying the night there." she said.
-"okay, you still picking me up?" I ask.
-"duh." She nudged my shoulder, smiling.