i can't lose you - byler

sexuality

WILL BYERS has never been sure on his sexuality. all of his friends had had crushes on the opposite gender, and even relationships. will, on the other hand, had had neither. for a long while he had assumed that he was 'a late bloomer', but as he grew older, he knew that wasn't the case. he became more and more aware of the idea of homosexuality, partially due to his studies on the famous mathematician, alan turing, for a school project. he also had recognized feelings for a certain someone.

this certain someone was none other than mike wheeler, his best friend. best friend since kindergarten, to be exact. will had been in love with him for years, so much so that it pained him to even come to terms with his newly founded feelings. however, there was a slight issue: micheal wheeler was straight, and micheal wheeler had a girlfriend. and this said girlfriend, was none other than his step-sister, eleven. 

eleven was perfect. long, dark brown hair and gorgeous big brown eyes. her face was perfectly proportioned along with beautiful features. a pit of jealousy would always grow in his stomach when he glanced her way. it sounds selfish, but he would give anything to be in her place. to be loved by a boy. to be loved by mike wheeler.

the byers family had moved to california nine months prior after the death of jim hopper. they had taken el into her home, yet will knew she would have much preferred to live with mike. neither will or el had made any friends, rather they were quite harshly bullied. jonathon, their brother, on the other hand, had made exactly one new friend: argyle. whether it's a good thing or not could be quite debatable. to cut a long story short, the pair did weed. they would be high most of the time, and doing god knows what. it came to a surprised that their mother hadn't found out yet.

you would have thought a fresh start would make things better. make everything go away. but for will, things just got worse and worse as the days went by. he had constant nightmares where he would awake dripping in sweat, lost for breath. they usually referred to the upside down, the mind flayer. and occasionally, an odd figure. this figure was tall, and almost wrinkled. as if he had been burnt to the point that he no longer looked slightly human. his dreams mainly consisted of him returning to the upside down, being hunted and controlled. will couldn't think of anything much worse. additionally, he had pounding headaches for no obvious reason, along with random nosebleeds, especially in the worst times possible. had he told anyone this? no. was he planning on it? again, no. 

he hated sharing feelings and thoughts. his usually made him look weak and sensitive, so he kept them enclosed and learnt to suck it up. 

he isn't a kid anymore.

'will, come on. you can't leave it's raining.' will had stormed out of the basement, blinded with rage and jealousy. 'listen, i said i was sorry, alright? it's a cool campaign, it's really cool! we're just... not in the mood right now.'

'yeah mike, that's the problem! you guys are never in the mood anymore! you're ruining our party.' will hated how the party was tearing apart. well, he was being torn apart. being forgotten about.

'that's not true!' mike had always been defensive, he just always has to be right, and it never has to be his fault.

'really? where's dustin right now?' mike stood there, dumbfounded. 'see, you don't know, and you don't even care and obviously he doesn't either, and i don't blame him! you're destroying everything, and for what? so you can swap spit with some stupid girl?'

'el's not stupid! it's not my fault you don't like girls!' those words stung. echoed in his head for what seemed like years, and it was the last thing will wanted to hear from someone who he had thought was his best friend. will's vision began to cloud with tears. 'i'm not trying to be a jerk, okay? but we're not kids anymore, i mean what did you think, really? that we were never gonna get girlfriends? that we were just going to sit in my basement all day and play games for the rest of our lives?'

'yeah, i guess i did. i really did.' 

the argument was almost imprinted into will's mind, like he could recite it on cue. that's how much it hurt, and that's how long he'll remember it.

only one thing was keeping will happy. mike. he was coming to visit, and will couldn't contain his excitment. mike hadn't really wrote to him since he moved, but el has like an entire book full. will just assumed that mike had just forgot, and perhaps when he arrives, everything will be normal. everything will be okay.

''will! breakfast!'' he heard his brother call from down the stairs.

''yeah! coming!'' will placed down his paintbrush. he was painting something to give to mike as a gift when he arrived. he went down the stairs, and sat down at his usualy seat at the table, closly followed by el.

''argyle's still good to drive you guys to pick mike up today, right?'' joyce asked jonathon, who was sat silently at the table.

''yeah, 10 o'clock, right?'' he responded. joyce nodded, taking another bite out of her toast.

''hey, joyce?'' eleven rose her head.

''yes, sweetie?''

''could me and mike go to rink-o-mania tomorrow?'' she asked. her and mike. not will.

''of course! will too, right?''

''yes, that's what i meant.'' she smiled. ''thanks joyce!'' it was will's birthday tomorrow. did anyone care? no. did he care? not really.

''will, honey, your nose is bleeding again.'' joyce pointed out.

''shit.'' will responded, quickly taking a tissue from the box.

''why on earth is it bleeding so much recently?'' she asked herself, will just shrugged.

he had no idea what he was in for.

author: i honestly have no idea if anyone will even see this, but if so i'll probably post once every few days depending on how much time i have. anyways i hope you liked this first chapter <33