The Munson Experience

Staples After Dark

"Please remind me again why we're here at 8:00pm on a Saturday tragically missing all of my shows?"
Eddie showed no sign of wanting to answer my question so I just sighed and followed him through the isle.
He had his eyes glued to the shelves looking for whatever it was he needed from Staples at this godforsaken hour.
"What are even you looking for?"
He suddenly stopped and held his hands up in triumph, looking at the right side of the isle lovingly. He finally acknowledged my presence and leaned in as if he was about to divulge top secret information.
"Why are we here, you ask? This," he pulled out his phone and showed me the screen, "is why we're here."

The screen showed a huge DnD game board with custom symbols and illustrations of creatures along the edges that looked like they could pop off the board and fly away in an instant.
"Oh so nerd shit."
Eddie held up a warning finger.
"Nerd shit is for nerds. We are conquerors of the Shadow Realm and it's many allies."
"Whatever. The art is pretty cool, I'll give you that. Who's gonna draw it?"
He lowered his face to my level and looked at me with big puppy eyes.
"I was kinda hoping maybe you would do it for your amazingly charming and handsome boyfriend."
I snorted and pushed his head away from me.
"If it so pleases the dungeons and dorks...I guess I can bang out a few dragons once everything else on the board is done."
He pumped his fist triumphantly and let out a whoop of excitement. Covering my eyes with my hands and looking down at the floor, I wondered how this absolute buffoon has managed to rope me into falling for him.
I felt his hand tilt my chin up towards him and let my hand fall. His eyes still had their typical devious glimmer to them but I saw a hint of sincerity and love in them in that moment.
"You're awesome."
I smiled and pulled away gently.
"Yeah yeah whatever, Munson. I'm still missing my shows."

**

"You see this shit? This is the kind of thing our society pushes on the average man and we're supposed to just take it?"
"You're pointing at scissors Eddie I'm very lost here."
"As am I. Tell me: what kind of sadistic fuck decided to put plastic packaging on scissors that you need SCISSORS to open?! It's a solid power move but I'm a dungeon master and even I haven't crafted anything quite so dastardly."

After an additional few minutes of him ranting about the problems with people who create inconvenient packaging and capitalism and it's desire to push mass conformity or whatever else he could think of, I finally interrupted his long train of thought after glancing at the time on my phone.
"Eddie."
"Hmm," he mumbled in acknowledgement.
"I am missing my shows plural now. Which, by the way, are not on streaming platforms. I will have to wait for them to come back on TV by memorizing the channel schedule like a geriatric sociopath. Now me being the wonderful supportive person that I am," I smirked, flicking him on the back of the head.
He glared at me but looked up from his rummaging through the $1 section.

"I let you drag me here because you said you needed my help on a 'quest.' Now I don't know about anyone else," I gestured towards the isle knowing full well no one else was here because it's fucking 8:30pm now and no one comes to Staples at this hour except for children with last minute projects,
"But I did not envision your quest to involve yelling at AND about scissors for 5 minutes straight while the poor employee up front has to cope with how unlucky he is to be stuck here on the solstice of your bullshit."
Eddie folded his arms and raised his eyebrows, holding back a smile.
"The world of crafts and DnD waits for no man. You should know that by now, kid."

I couldn't hold back the genuine tone of irritation in my voice and he was getting a kick out of it.
"I'm gonna wait until you're asleep tonight and put Nair in your shampoo, Dungeon Master,"
I threatened, squinting my eyes at him.
His eyes widened and so did his smile.
I was tempted to fold but while his smile was adorable it was also at my expense, which allowed me to walk out of the isle without another word.
Seconds later I heard his chain jingling and turned to see this man sprinting towards me with an armload of sharpies, glue, and poster boards.
"Christ, Munson."
He practically skidded to a stop right in front of me, his grin wider than ever.
"I think I've got everything I need. Did you find what you looking for?," he asked mockingly.

"I'm gonna fuck up your boots for this one of these days, Munson, I swear to god."
Plopping his supplies down on the checkout counter, Eddie spun to face me and saluted the ceiling theatrically.
"God has no business with me or my footwear, sweetheart."
Turning to the meek man behind the counter, Eddie looked him up and down thoughtfully.
"You look like you've rolled a few 8 sided dice in your lifetime. You ever consider joining a campaign with some seasoned players like myself?"
The man shook his head and looked at me with pleading eyes.
Giving him a sympathetic nod, I put a hand on Eddie's shoulder and pulled him back off the counter that he had been dramatically leaning over.
"Eddie please just pay the man so we can leave him in peace."
Eddie shrugged and placed a wad of cash on the counter. The guy eyed it suspiciously but said nothing and rang us up.
Probably wants to get home to his cats and erase Eddie Munson from his mind forever.

"Have a nice night, folks," he sighed, waving us out the door.
Eddie called to him as we walked out, "If you change your mind and need a dungeon master, call me!"
The man's eyes widened and a look of disgust crossed his face.
Eddie laughed and swung an arm around my shoulder.
"I'd call this a successful quest, wouldn't you, kid?"
Trying and failing to remove his arm, I sighed and unlocked the car.
"You're a menace to society, you know that?"
He kissed my cheek and released me so I could climb into the passenger side.
"Yeah that's the general idea."

Walking around to the drivers side, he hopped in and pulled out of the lot.
Putting a hand on my knee, he squeezed gently and reached up to turn on the radio.
"You're a good sport, babe. That's why you're my favorite."
"Yeah?," I arched an eyebrow, "Your favorite what?"
He shrugged and turned the radio up louder, belting the lyrics happily as we drove down the bumpy road home.
Nerd.