The Messy Thoughts Of A Blooming Adult.

Topic Ten: Childhood Trauma and healing.

She never expected to meet a living example of bullying and unhealthy parenting and it's effect on a person or the subsequent development of a childhood trauma that stayed beyond the years and the efforts they exerted to shake it off their skin and start a new chapter of their lives. 

She was oblivious to the fact that some people actually have worse experiences than she had ever imagined, way worse than she ever portrayed in her little writings or longer stories. It was her first time meeting it eye to eye and seeing the glint of sadness, the trembling voice and the way it all is concealed beyond a weird defensive façade of happiness and content. And she couldn't help but point it out! "My god, you're clearly not out of it yet. Can't you see it? You're still hurting." But she felt ignorant thinking it was easy to be as she put it then and there, out of it. She couldn't grasp the severity of it all, the weight they are carrying on their shoulders and the amount of physical and emotional strength needed to just tune it out momentarily.  

But she was willing to listen, to get involved, to hear about what made them into this strange pile of complex emotions and incoherent acts, and so she did. She listened as they talked about their family, their friends, college life, body image and all that's in between. She sat and listened, and finally she was able to grasp a small friction of how they turned out this way, she was able to understand how this clay was formed into this extensively weird looking, absolutely gorgeous piece that she would want to look at and admire were it ever on display. 

And she was able to understand, even a little,  the meaning of emotional and physical trauma, the traumas that we sometimes leave as scars on the mind of those around us, intentionally or not. She was able to decipher the codes of a human mind, that went through extensive shaping and tuning throughout the year just to turn the way it is today. She got a glimpse on the inside of a dysfunctional environment that lead to a dysfunctional family,  a stray mind that seeked freedom but was met with the worst acts of opposition through the ideas of tradition and culture. She saw the mind that was shaped through the ridicule of his body image, and his fragile emotional state. 

But opposite to all that hurt she saw in their eyes, she also saw a distinctive flair that she knew well enough, a decision that they are not going to live based on those experiences and childhood traumas.  A mind that decided to move on and escape this toxicity that surrounded them, the toxicity they knew only brought them down and obstructed their freedom. 

Despite knowing that they were able to escape the toxicity physically and start a new chapter full of possibilities and dreams, I still hope they will be able to heal emotionally and be able to actually free themselves from those childhood traumas that's only obscuring their vision from what they should see and feel. That's taking time and mind space that should be theirs to use and bloom. 

It's a journey of healing that I know would be long and hard, but I do wish anyone who is going through this would take the time to heal and mend their scars, and cover them with fancy colorful band-aids.