The Messy Thoughts Of A Blooming Adult.

Topic Three: Home.

She have always wondered about the meaning of the said word, Home.  Is it the place you live in, the place where your loved ones are, or the place where your heart belongs?

She had been to many places, inhabited several houses, but rarely did she feel at home. There was this feeling of belonging that wasn't always there, no matter how fancy the place is or how absolutely amazing the location is, it just didn't settle right in her heart. 

She had only been in love with three places throughout her life, three places she loved, and still do love to call them home. For so many different reasons that may be, but they all gave her that feeling of peace and safety that made her feel at home. 

The first place is the house she grew up in when they lived abroad for her father's job. It wasn't anything fancy, just a nice little apartment in a medium sized complex in the outskirts of the city, but still not too far from the center. It was nothing special, but it did have a special place in her heart. Maybe it was the people, the atmosphere or the peace of being a kid! 

She likes to think it had the biggest impact on her personality out of all the other places she have lived in. Maybe it was because it was where she had most of her firsts? Her first friend, which she wonders were he is till this day, her first fight, her first disappointment. It's where she got the Chickenpox and had to stay in her room away from everyone for days. It's where she had her first fight with her parents, she was right they were wrong. The first time she knew how ugly primary school kids can be and what a bully looked like. It was where she remembered getting the news that her grandfather have died, and her mother's ugly cried in the room next to theirs. And it was there that her older brother told her to cover herself with her blanket so that the monsters won't come at her.  It was her collection of happy and sad memories that made it so special to her. 

The second one was the one they moved in after, It was a different city but the in same country. It wasn't beautiful at first she had to admit, for she felt sad and disappointed they had to move away from a place she loved so much, a place she was very much used to. But she eventually learned to grow out of her longing and learn the art of adaptation and that things are deemed to change, people, places and feelings, for she will be moving places much more frequently later on.

And little did she know that she will be falling in love with this place just as much as she did with the last one. She may have fallen in love with it because it gave her a second chance with people, allowing her to be more confident and more willing to ignore the hateful comments till they eventually stopped. Giving her the chance to make friends, some of which she still likes, and some she never wanna see again. 

Maybe she loved it because it was where she first liked someone, and enjoyed that stupid girl talk with her friends giving their crushes nicknames and teasing one another about them every chance they got. Or maybe it was because she saw some of her worst days back there, some that may still hunt her to this day, but they didn't fail to make her stronger, with much more appreciation towards a lot of things. 

Or maybe because it was were she first had a friend over, or where she wrote her first story, or her first roommate. She doesn't know the exact reason why she loves it, but she knows it's a place she likes to fly to when she feels detached and needs a connection back to reality or an escape away from it. One she hopes she won't lose, but nothing in life is certain and nothing is ever constant no matter how much we would like somethings to be. 

The last one would be the small apartment she moved in for college a few years back. Probably the smallest and the most disoriented one, that required the most effort out of them all but still the coziest. 

She knows for a fact as to why she fell in love with this apartment. It was simply because it helped her grow up, much like forced her but you get the point! She moved into this apartment the second year of college, with no previous knowledge of anything, cooking, cleaning, paying the bills or any of the normal tasks a grown up is supposed to do, which apparently made her life a living hell properly for a year or so after. 

It was tough, life away from your family and in a strange new place in a strange new city is tough, but she decided to take it as an adventure, taking every single challenge she faced as a new opportunity to learn and grow, knowing well enough that every things she learns will probably make her one step ahead of all her mates, and one step ahead of her previous self. Which only helped boost her confidence in everything she does, knowing she went through this alone and managed to come out as strong as ever made her realize that she can do anything she wants if she sat her mind to it. 

She knows she loves this place because it made her grow and learn, making her a different version of herself that she most certainly loves and respects, one that is fearless and strong.

To her, home is the experiences and memories, the laughter, the cries and all that's in between. That's what made all those places her home. 

What do you think makes a home?