Eren's Tainted Rose

ch. one

◇ EDITED ◇

Best friends is what we were -- Eren Jaeger and me. Until one day... we weren't. I was suddenly an outcast. I was something that he couldn't dare to be bothered with. I was thrown to the side and forgotten.

Its like a punch to the gut over and over when his green eyes meet mine through a sea of crowded people, and I'm forced to stay afloat despite it. It hurts knowing your best friend could forget about you so easily.

I think what makes me angrier about everything is how he did it without hesitation right after the first Titan attack.

Ten year old me had just watched my family get crushed by the massive bodies of Titans, I had to see their limbs falling out of mouths and being sucked down into a stomach full of other people I'd grown up around.

Eren knew this. Hell, every last one of us had experienced the same thing. We all lost people, we all went through something traumatic. Eren included.

He watched his mother get eaten, and had no word from his father. The only people he had left were Mikasa and Armin. We were all best friends, and to my rare luck, they both kept in touch with me -- though, it's nothing how it used to be.

I know they pity me. It's exhausting having to hear about Eren through them. I'm sure he never asks about me. Why would he? He's the one who threw me out like I didn't even matter.

It's been years since then. Six, almost seven years to be exact. We were ten years old when everything happened. When he forgot about me.

The first few years, he wasn't mean. I could still see the kindness in his eyes, a kindness I prayed held regret. Though we never did get close again, or even talk much, he still remained respectful. An occasional conversation would happen, and the entire time, it'd feel like something was lodged in my throat as I held back tears.

Eren was kind. All of that changed the day he saw me when we were officially cadets. He had become cold and even more distant than ever. He was rude, unreachable, and hardly ever looked at me.

There was no friendly conversation or banter after that. The encounters I could recall with him consisted of only rude remarks, mumbled insults and rare glares when he'd finally meet my eyes after days of avoidance.

Regardless of how it hurt my feelings, I never spoke up about how it effected me. I decided to match whatever energy he threw my way even though deep down, it cut me to my fucking core. It stings every single damn time I look at that boy.

Memories of our past play on a loop when his green eyes stare coldly back into mine. One specific memory I try to forget about, but it's ingrained in my mind.

•••

"Y/N!" Eren yelled, his face flushed, his breathing ragged as he reached me.

"Eren, sit down! You're out of breath." I giggle, pulling him down with me. He plopped beside me, keeping his hands behind his back. I looked at him, skeptical.

"What are you hiding?" I raised a brow.

"Um. A rose. For you." Eren reached out, showing me the flower. I gasped, gently touching a petal with my finger.

"Eren," I cooed. "It's so pretty. They're my favorite."

He smiled sheepishly at me, tucking my hair behind my ear and sticking the flower in.

"How did you know?" I asked happily.

"I know everything about you, Y/N."

"You do?" I asked nervously, unable to believe him. He nodded vigorously, his big eyes bright.

"Tell me something about me then."

Eren paused in thought, scrunching his brows. It was a habit I noticed he had, one I adored.

"I'm your favorite!"

"I don't have favorites! You, Mikasa and Armin are all my favorite." I exclaimed, playfully hitting him.

"You don't have to lie. I know you like me better." Eren grinned knowingly, laying his head in my lap.

I didn't even bother to "correct" him again, because he was right. He is my favorite.

"Rose." Eren whispered suddenly after a minute of silence.

"Huh?"

"That's your new nickname. Rose. You're my rose, Y/N." he responded quietly, his eyes slightly fluttering while they were shut, a comfortable smile on his face.

●●●

My stomach began to knot up at the memory, causing me to push my food back. Sasha gave me a look, raising her dark brows.

"You're not gonna finish that?"

"No, Sasha," I sighed, scooting the plate towards her. She quickly stole all the food off my plate, passing it back towards me. Jean and Conny didn't even give a reaction. We're all so used to her eating twenty-four seven.

"Are you okay?" Jean leaned over towards me, concern etched in his face.

"Yeah," I nodded, giving him a fake smile. "I just need some air. I'll be back guys." I stood, waving to everyone at the table, ignoring their gazes as I left the room.

It felt as if I was on auto-pilot as I walked through the halls and out into the fresh air. When I opened the doors, a cool breeze hit my skin, whipping my hair around.

Nature always seemed to uplift my mood. The cool air wasn't always my favorite, but it helped shock me back into my right mind a lot of times.

"You okay?"

I turned around to see Reiner standing there, his hands in his pockets as his brown eyes studied me. He was trying to read me, not even bothering to make it less obvious.

"I'm fine, Reiner." I smiled softly.

Him and I would talk everyday, but not how friends would. It's mainly about training, or work, or anything serious. It was never a "hey, how are you?" or "come hang out" type of thing. The only time we really did that was when we had a break and were with our entire friend group.

"You don't really look like it."

I shrugged, biting my lip. "I just got overwhelmed suddenly, I don't know. Nothing serious," I muttered, giving him a vague answer of the truth.

Reiner nodded, hopefully deciding to believe my reassurance. "Can't believe we're Scouts now."

I let out a breathy laugh, "Yeah. It feels like reality hasn't really settled in for me yet."

"I hope you know you're not alone. We're all feeling the same panic as you. It's scary, Y/N."

My eyes landed on him as he walked forwards, now standing beside me. His eyes were on the view in front of us, but he was focused on me. He was being observant, paying close attention to my body language, any facial expression, any pause.

I sighed, soaking in his words. It made me feel a little better, because he's right. But it doesn't take away all of my worry, fear or stress.

"Plus, we took all those years training as a cadet. It'd be a waste to back out now. Especially with how good you are." Reiner playfully elbowed me, causing me to laugh.

"You're right. Thanks Reiner."

"Don't thank me for a thing, L/N."

___

this is my second ever fanfic of eren, and it's probably gonna be a bit similar to the first one just bc i'm slightly losing motivation for that one & thought this new idea would be a bit better for me!! lmk how you guys enjoy it & which story you'd prefer me to focus on :)) check my account for the other fanfic!!

<33