Eren's Tainted Rose

ch. nine

3-4 YEARS LATER:

"Happy birthday!" everyone screamed when I entered the room with Captain Levi. The lights flashed on and I looked around to see smiles on everyone's faces. Disappointment flooded through me when I didn't see Eren.

I plastered a smile on my face anyways, and hugged all my friends that showed up. Even Hange and Commander Erwin were here.

"Happy birthday brat," Levi patted my back, a light smile on his face. I quickly wrapped my arms around him, feeling him stiffen.

"Thank you Captain."

A few minutes later, I was sitting at a table with all kinds of foods, blowing out a candle as my friends surrounded me.

Conny tried pushing my face into the cake, but he tripped and hit his head instead. Jean hugged me, Sasha tackled me, Mikasa hugged me, Historia cried, Ymir punched me, Armin gave me a speech, Reiner kissed me on the cheek, Bertholdt patted my head, and Erwin, Hange, and Levi gave me goodluck.

Everything still felt incomplete.

. . .

"Why are you out here alone?" Commander Erwin stepped outside with me.

"Needed some air," I smiled at him, looking back up at the stars.

Erwin stood by my side, looking up at the view as well. "Something's bothering you. Has been for a while, right?"

I didn't look at him. I didn't move, I didn't breathe. I couldn't.

"You don't have to say anything," he sighs. "But the team... we're not oblivious. Ever since that night celebration a few years ago, you've been different. Don't think I haven't noticed it. Eren as well," he looks over at me.

I gripped the railing I was holding onto. "I'm fine, Commander. Thank you for the concern though."

"Look at me, Y/N."

I hesitantly looked up at him. His blue eyes were understanding and kind, reminding me a lot of Armin. But that determination I saw... that reminded me of Eren for sure.

"You're nineteen now. It's time to face things head on. Bottling it up is no good. You can't hold onto this anger forever. No one specifically knows what's going on, but I've connected the dots. I can't control what you do in this situation but I can give you advice in hopes you'll listen to it, or at least take it into consideration. Communicate. Be open. Take a risk, like you do outside of the walls, like you do every day you're part of the Scouts," Erwin looked serious, putting both his hands on my shoulders.

My chin wobbled, and I cleared my throat. "Yes sir."

He let go of me, looking back at the sky once, and heading back inside. I bit the inside of my cheek until I drew blood.

Ever since those years ago at that celebration, Eren and I really haven't had any words shared. Not even the little bickering we used to do. He actually left me alone like I asked him to. And I didn't bother him again like I said I wouldn't.

We barely were ever teamed together or had any tasks that involved us being near each other. And when we did, we didn't even share a glance most of the time. Once in while, I could feel his eyes on me, but I never gave in. I'm sure he could feel me looking at him as well, unfortunately.