Your Voice(please, I want to hear it again.) || TOMMYINNIT

18:

Nana's move to the hospital had been a lot more agonising to witness than how Tommy thought it would've been.

In a moment of sheer panic, all Tommy could think to do was call an ambulance as he watched Nana scream in terror. Whatever she had seen that night through her visions... Well, Tommy preferred to try & forget about it. Though, the images in his head had opposite thoughts.

Tommy had thought that the permanent move to the hospital would've happened a lot sooner knowing Nana's condition. Not only was she now struggling to walk long distances, but Nana had also begun more often complaining about her vision, saying & joking that she'd need reading glasses before her mid-twenties.

The leaves outside had begun shifting colours, floating in the air after the wind would catch them off their old tree branch. Autumn had finally approached, meaning winter would soon come knocking on the seasonal door.

The leaves crunched with a satisfying sound playing through Tommy's ears once he'd step on them. Tommy had been heading towards the hospital. A walk he had used to hate taking, but now it became an almost daily routine for him.

The guy never liked hospitals. Whether it was due to personal experiences or the ol' pandemic, Tommy had disliked almost everything about the buildings & the things in them.

The brightness of them, the smell, the bacteria, the fluids, how eerily quiet they always were... He never liked being sick, let alone being in a place full of sick people. Though, the people weren't the problem for him. It was the thing they were suffering with.

Broken bones, heart illnesses, disabilities, cancers, diseases, viruses, infections... It was always too much to think about once stepping into that building. It was just— too sad. Seeing people waiting in such long lines to be treated by different doctors. And there he was, who had everything these people didn't. Then what would happen when a patient would die? What would the staff do? Just clean the bed & admit a new patient to let them pass away too.

Wouldn't it be better to person sooner instead of falling in love with false hope? Was it really all that worth it to try & live past your numbered days while rotting away?

Tommy had entered the hospital once again, that same old smell of plastic & odd fluids greeting him once again. He had gotten used to the strange scent now, feeling weird going a long time without smelling it.

The woman working at the receptionist desk had gotten used to seeing his face, greeting Tommy as if he were an old friend.

- Is it the same ol' 513? - she asked, lightly fixing her face mask.

- Yeah, I don't know anyone else here anyway.

- Okay then, but try to be a little quieter this time. One of the nurses got a noise complaint from the new patient brought in next to the girl's room.

- Ahahah... Sorry. - Tommy awkwardly responded, heading towards the hospital stairs.

The smell of this hospital had always made him seek fresh air from the outside.

Tommy's head had hung low as he walked, avoiding all eye contact with the patients sitting near him. From the corner of his right eye, he could see casts, arms limping, scars, burns & what n- what was that he smelled? Smoke?

It irked Tommy non-stop, knowing that he: was a healthy guy with a body that resembled no physical trauma other than perhaps a sunburn or scar on his arm from falling down a tree when he was a kid. And next to him sat people who wondered when would the next time they could walk.

Even if he had to pay for something, he never had to worry if those 15£ or 20£ of medication or pills were worth more than a few simple groceries to make it by the week until the next paycheck would come.

But the people next to him did.

The person reading this did.

He quickly passed by the ER section of the hospital, heading towards the place that made him suffocate just a little bit less. Tom continued to keep his head low instead of looking up like he usually would.

- ...Tommy? - a voice called out.

Tommy's head hastily perked up. At that same moment, the cold from the outside had abruptly been washed away with warmth as he watched Nana hurry down the stairs towards him.

- I didn't think-... think you were coming today! - she quietly exclaimed, trying to avoid the burning eyes of the receptionist.

Although Nana was looking at him, Tommy could tell she was trying her best to avoid eye contact with him.

- I thought so too, but I managed to get my things done early toda- hOld oN—

Tommy could feel her, the receptionist's eyes firing through him.

- Let's go outside into the garden. We can talk freely there.

The hospital garden had been news to Tommy as he got used to heading towards Nana's hospital room to spend his 30 minutes of visit time there. But a garden? Tommy did hear from the girl that the hospital was building something new, yet he didn't care enough to remember what.

Outside, the same autumn coldness had swept over Tommy, leaves flying right by his face.

- Oh man, I haven't... haven't been outside in so long! - Nana exclaimed, stretching her arms upward. - That weird musty smell is gone now!

The hospital must have disappeared in the fresh air — fresh with pollution. Though, being around Nana, that same smell hadn't gone anywhere. However, the smell hadn't bothered Tommy anymore. 

After all, it felt weird not getting a whiff of it after a long time.

...

Nana hadn't stopped staring at the outside behind the gates & bushes in front of her.

There was a sentimental feeling washing over her. It had felt as if the two of them had already walked on that same pavement across the road. Sometime long gone in the past.

- I wish I could go outside again... Like, outside hospital grounds. I want to walk on my own again. - Nana spoke casually.

It seemed that this topic had been one she thought about regularly.

- I wish you could too, but things happen.

Nana had given Tommy silence as a response, staring at the passing cars in front of her. During the entire time outside she had been avoiding looking directly into Tommy's eyes. It confused him.

- Come, I have to go soon. Back to my hospital room, that is, and you have to get going too.

That's right. Tommy's thirty minutes had gone by as quick as the leaves flying through the wind. He had forgotten about the time limit, too caught up in their conversations to even care.

- By the way, Tommy, - Nana spoke as she entered the hospital, her smell now fusing with the building's, - the doctor said it should happen around Christmas or New Years' eve.

Should happen.

It shouldn't happen.

Tommy didn't respond, his silence giving an empty answer instead.