what the fuck

18

Dark humor time😏

my grief councillor died. He was so good, I didn't even care.

I thought opening a door for a lady was good manners. But she just screamed and flew out of the plane.

I was raised as an only child, which I think was hard for my brother.

I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for Christmas. He said it was the most violent book he's ever read.

Man: how do you prepare your chicken?
Woman: nothing special, we just tell them they're going to die.

My girlfriend’s dog died, so I bought her another, identical one.
She just screamed at me and said: “What am I meant to do with two dead dogs?!?”

Option 1: Let’s eat grandma.
Option 2: Let’s eat, grandma.
There you have it. Proof that punctuation saves lives.

Doctor: “You’ll be at peace soon”
Man: “Am I dying?”
Doctor: “No, your wife is”

I just came across my wife’s tinder profile and I’m so angry about her lies. She is not “fun to be around”.

Did you hear the story about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.

Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn't last long for fat people.