Mystery Kids Oneshots

The Campfire Song

Raz: Come on, grab some ambrosia, and let the nectar flow

Norman: Why is everyone scraping part of their plate into the fire? Is the food here really that bad?

Raz: Offering to the gods. It's not enough that their omnipotent and all-powerful, they need to feel appreciated
To the gods!

Mystery Kids: To the gods!

Raz: Oh, things couldn't be worse
When your parents run the universe

Mystery Kids: Oh, things couldn't be worse
When your folks run the universe

Raz: My dad is Apollo
The god of the sun
You'll know his sign by that lyre he often strums
I'd wait outside, wait for his chariot to come
Oh no
When your dad's a god, life can be tough
I met the guy once, and once was enough
Dipper?

Dipper: My mom's Athena
She's smart and she's wise
She's sworn off gluten and she's sworn off guys
But if she came to camp, it'd be a surprise
Oh no (Oh no)
Oh, and my stepmom, she hates me, and my dad works all day
So I left California and I ran away
Norman: Wait, is that true?

Wybie: Everybody!

Mystery Kids: Oh, things couldn't be worse
When your parents run the universe
Oh, things couldn't be worse
When your folks run the universe

Raz: Alright, who's next?

Lili: Oh! Okay, let me see
My mom's Demeter
Goddess of grain
She gets excited when it starts to rain
But planting and gardening can soon be a pain
Oh no (Oh no)
Right?
For their sixteenth birthday, my friends got a car
I got a fern in some dumb mason jar

Wybie: Oh! My turn!
My dad's Hephaestus
God of Blacksmiths and Fire
I try to stay strong, but I'm hanging by a wire
Cuz forging all day can make a guy tired!
Oh no (Oh no)
Most dads and sons play catch in the yard
All my dad plays is the 'I'm crippled' card
Oh, things couldn't be worse
When your parents run the universe
Oh, things couldn't be worse
When your folks run the universe

Norman: Ford! Who's your dad?

Ford: Oh, well
My father is Kronos...
Remember my lecture
He ate his children

Norman: ... Ford wins...

Coraline: Yeah...

Raz: Oh, his dad is definitely the worst.
How about you, Mabel?

Mabel: The goddess of love
My mom's Aphrodite
She tries to be cool but mainly she's flighty
I'll bring home a boy, and she's there in her nightie (Oh no)
It's so embarrassing, guys!
I tried to seek help from even the fates
Cause she steals my pink sweater and all of my dates

Wybie: Alright, Coraline, it's your turn!

Coraline: Hey, if you insist!
My mother is Tyche, the goddess of luck
I haven't seen her once, but who gives a-

Wybie: Language!

Coraline: Yeah, yeah.
I stay at home with the lights
But she's at casinos from morning to night
Oh no (Oh no)
I recommend rehab, but I'm never heard
So I leave it alone, let her play poker!
Mystery Kids: Oh, things couldn't be worse
When your parents run the universe
Oh, things couldn't be worse
When your folks run the universe

Coraline: Neil, it's your turn!

Neil: Alright, here I go!
My dad is Dionysus
He's the god of wine
When he's not getting drunk, he's sort of fine
But I'd sure like a day without picking grapes off a vine!
Oh no (Oh no)
I hide his bottles because I just don't think
He can go a second without grabbing a drink!

Raz: Norman, my man! It's your turn!

Norman: If I tried to sing, it'll probably cause an avalanche

Coraline: Oh, we're all friends here. Come on, give it a shot

Norman: Okay... My mom was named Sandra
She loved scary movies
And food that was blue
And-

Wybie: He's doing it wrong.

Lili: Yeah, who's your godly parent?

Norman: Oh... I don't know

Raz: It's alright. A lot of half-bloods never know their godly parent. Just give it a try

Norman: Okay... So my dad is some god
That's great I guess
Did he not want me? Or not want the stress?
Too bad he's the worst, and my life is a mess!
Oh no!

Coraline: Sing it, Norman!

Norman: I hope he shows even a trace
Cause I got some choice words to throw in his face!

Mystery Kids: Oh, things couldn't be worse
When your parents run the universe
Oh, things couldn't be worse
Raz: But I don't care where our parents may be
As long as you are here with me
Mystery Kids: We don't care where our parents may be
As long as you are here with me
As long as you are here with me!