Salvage: Book 3 of the Magic Mutations Series

12: Olivia

March, 2019

"Don't you regret casting that spell, Marli... It was my decision," I responded immediately as words of contrition exited her mouth.

"Your decision... my action. I should have consulted an elder. And I should have told you the dead stay dead."

Unable to help myself, I whispered back, "But he's not really dead. Whether you made me see him or not, he'd still be there watching me. And now that we communicate... or rather, now that we fight about everything... at least I know what he wants... and what I need to do to get him to move on."

The mattress protested as she rolled onto her side. I could feel her russet gaze burning into my face, but I stayed steadfast, eyes searching the ceiling.

"He's not going to move on if you don't."

"That's why I'm going out every night!" I whined.

"One night stands aren't—"

"Ugh! You both are cut from the same cloth."

"Is that what happened this morning?"

I casted her a hesitant glance—but not without checking if he was still sitting where I last saw him at my desk chair.

And he was. Watching. Worrying. Wary.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"I mean... What caused the panic attack, Ol?"

"Who says I had a panic attack?" I responded, already on the defensive. Every conversation felt like a fight these days... whether with Marli, my mum, or him.

But she just deadpanned at me. Marli knew the symptoms too well... I didn't just lock myself in my room today for no reason. And... they were coming almost daily. Which was why Ben disappeared for a few days, convinced he was the trigger. "He's disappointed in me."

"I'm not disappointed," he quickly said, calling my attention to him again.

Ever so slowly, he rose from the chair and crossed the room, stopping only once he had reached the other side of me. Laying down, he took my left while Marli still lay on my right, keeping watch of me. For some reason, she always knew when I was talking to him these days, even if she couldn't see or hear him. Even if she still could never judge exactly his proximity to me.

"You always seem disappointed," I admitted.

"That's not what I feel. I just... I feel bad. I feel like there's nothing I can do to help you feel better because this journey is your own now."

"You don't need to feel bad, Ben," I whispered. "I'm the one who put you in harm's way. If I never—"

"For the millionth time, it wasn't your fault, Olivia. I knew what I was getting into."

And so we jumped on the familiar carousel. "But—"

"It wasn't your fault." He reached out to touch me, but, as usual, I never felt it. Maybe his ghostly hand stroked my face, but all I felt in its place was emptiness. A never ending pit of nothing for the memory of the boy who lay before me. "And once you accept that, I'm sure I will move on. Once you confront all the demons of your past that you've taken into yourself, then finally our connection will disappear."

My bottom lip began to quiver though. "But then you're gone forever."

His face contorted in agony as he reached for me again, evidently desperate to comfort me, but not able to. Though, in his place, Marli's silent arms gripped me, pulling me into her as she tried to hold the remaining parts of me together. She didn't say a word though. She let Ben continue to do that.