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tw: self harm, suicidal thoughts, suicide
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theo's pov:

it's 2 in the morning. i'm meant to be asleep but thoughts cloud my brain. it should've been me, i should've died. to save her, i would do anything, even if that meant i died instead.

on the loneliest of nights i wish i was with her instead of this hell hole. everything was easier, simpler, better, when she was here with me.

if i left this world today, who would notice? who would care? my dad didn't care what i did or where i was, and i don't doubt his girlfriend, xandra, did either. i think the only person who would care is my best friend, boris. even then, he probably felt bad for me because i was the new kid whose mother died in a bombing. i don't think he likes me at all, but it doesn't matter.

i definitely like him. like in the romantic way. he has a nice girlfriend anyways, so there's no chance of him even somewhat liking me back. he hasn't even hung out with me in the past week.

everything was just too much, i ran into the bathroom and grabbed the razor and whatever pills i could.

boris pov:

i miss potter. i've been spending so much time with my girlfriend that i haven't seen him at all these past few weeks, except in classes and on the 5 minute bus to school and back.

my girlfriend doesn't like potter because he 'looks gay' and is apparently trying to steal me away from her. i wouldn't mind if he did.

i only got a girlfriend to try and get over my feelings for potter, but they've only gotten bigger and bigger since i started dating her.

we were on her couch with her friends crowding around us telling her how cute it was that she was dating the emo boy. their words not mine.

"hey babe, i think i'm gonna go now, getting a bit late, no?" i said to her, trying to leave as nicely as possible.
"it's 5?" she said, "not that late. stay for a bit longer baby, please"
"urm, potter needs me to help with something"
"not that gay bitch again?" she said

i couldn't be asked to argue with her so i just left without a word. i'm definitely gonna get angry texts in the morning but oh well, it's worth it.

luckily for me, potters house is just a block or so away from hers so it didn't take me long.

the street lights were so dim so they didn't help at all. there weren't any cars in the drive so i assumed his dad and xandra went somewhere. i didn't bother knocking because i wanted to surprise potter.

i went upstairs into his room and saw popchyk on his bed. when he saw me he started barking really loudly.

"popchyk, what's wrong?" i heard a voice from the bathroom, sounding like it's crying.

potter.

i went over to look through the keyhole and saw him sat on the edge of the bathroom, covered in blood and with empty pill bottles stacked next to him. my heart just shattered into pieces.

he was crying and i felt guilty, was he crying because of me?

"potter?"

"boris! um, this isn't a good time. i thought you where with your girlfriend?"
"i was, then i came here instead. what's wrong?"
"n-nothing, i'm fine"
"i saw it, theo. please let me in"

i don't think i've ever used his real name before, i've always called him potter.

"o-okay"

he opened the door for me. what i saw hurt me so much that i started crying myself. his wrists were stained with blood and pills were scattered across the floor. i don't know how many he took.

"theo..." i said and just hugged him. we sank to the floor (idk if that makes sense but yolo) still hugging. he cried into my sweater and i tried to stop crying myself so i could help him.

"theo, come on, we've got to get all the pills out of your system" i said, forcing him to throw up all the stuff.

"no, i just want to go" he whispered.
i wouldn't let him go.

i grabbed some wipes from the cupboard to clean him up and bandaged his wrists up, i've done this many times before myself so it wasn't hard. i wiped his tears away with the back of my hand, before taking his sweater off and giving him mine.

"theo, you need rest, i'll give you some water and you're going to sleep, yes?"
he just nodded. i carried him onto his bed and went to get him some water from downstairs.

he just smiled at me when i gave it to him, probably tired out.

"i'm just going to clean up a bit and i'll come back and sleep"

i went into his bathroom and locked the door so he couldn't see me. i slid down the door and cried because i hated seeing my theo like this.

i've always been told that boys don't cry, and i just bottled up my emotions until i burst and i did things i regret. the scars on my wrist stood out painfully because i was just wearing a t-shirt but i had to pull myself together, for theo.

i cleaned up the bathroom as best as i could and i climbed into theo's bed, and he was asleep.

"theo, i love you. i love you so much. please, whatever you do, don't do what you just did. talk to me when you feel like...that...i'll do anything for you, my love"

theo rolled over to face me. shit. he wasn't meant to hear any of that. "boris?" "yeah?"

"i love you too, i have ever since i met you. and i won't do that again, i promise i won't"
"good"
"thanks for your sweater, by the way"

he turned back around and i put my arm around him, theo chuckled a bit and i pulled him towards me.

"boyfriends?"
"boyfriends."

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idk what crack i was on when making this but oh well, it's boreo

1036 words x

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