Through the dark

Heartbroken

I am startled awake by the sound of my alarm on my phone letting me know that it is time to get ready for work. As my conscience mind takes over I discover that this means Louis didn't call me when he woke up. I'm just about to dial his number when I see that he did text me.

Hey love don't be upset. Harry and I were working on a song for the new album when time got away from us. I'm off to do some promo stuff. I'll call you before I go to bed. Xoxo.

Well I'm not upset just disappointed but there's nothing to do but get ready for my day. When I'm showered, dressed with a full cup of coffee in me I hear Brad come in. Sometimes I regret giving him a key.

"Hales are you ready? Oh coffee! Let me have a cup." He says as he comes into our little kitchen.

"Why didn't you get some from home?" I ask as I pour him a cup

"Greg is on this you shouldn't have so much caffeine kick he started while we were gone so he rid the house of all but decaffeinated tea which is really just a slap in this Englishman's face". He replies and I laugh at his predicament.

"Oh my word would you all go away". We hear Kate yell from her room.

Unlike Brad and I she isn't going to work today so I guess she's trying to sleep the day away. We laugh at her but obey her demand because in truth we really should get going. On the ride to work he asks about Louis and I let him know about the text. He says I shouldn't worry but when I say I'm not he just gives me a sure you're not kind of look. We park in the garage right next to the elevator with security still in place.  I'm grateful to Brad for the extra precautions on my behalf even though they aren't for the reasons he thinks.

We get off on our floor both heading straight for our offices.  I have a large amount of emails to address and I have a promo myself that needs my attention.  I smile at the notion that Louis and I are both doing "promo stuff".  Before I know it it's lunchtime; before the vacation I had stuck to eating lunch in my office.  Brad insist that we go down to the small cafe in the building we used to visit before my attack. He once commented that I shouldn't avoid Ryan just because he cheated as it was him that should be ashamed and avoid me. I couldn't tell him how wrong he was about who should be ashamed but he dropped it than. Now however since I am with Louis Brad thinks "it's time to come out from hiding" as he puts it.

The cafe offers soups, salads, sandwiches and snack items not a huge variety but great for an office building lunch spot. We grab our salads and bottles of water both agreeing that after all the rich amazing food on vacation we could use a little light eating. Choosing a table off to the side with a view of one of the TVs that are hung in various areas of the cafe. I haven't paid much attention to it until I am just about halfway finished my lunch and hear TMZ say they have a story coming up on the guys from new boyband One Direction. This peaks my curiosity so I start to watch the program a little more closely. After a segment on the scandal of some A list celebrity being out without makeup on I hear the beats to "What makes you beautiful". That's when I see in horror the video of Louis helping me into the car in London followed by a video of us walking around in Paris. The reporter is talking over them saying Louis has found a new woman in his life.

"From the Looks of it things are pretty serious". The reporter says as three pictures flash on the TV; one of me going into Louis room, one of my impromptu kiss in the doorway and one where I am leaving the room with my shoes in my hand obviously having spent the night.

I am mortified but it gets worse because the reporter then says. "Things may not be that serious however between the mystery lady and Louis as here he is last night leaving a local Paris nightclub with a new lucky lady"

I wouldn't believe it if it wasn't playing on the screen in front of me. Louis helping a woman into the black SUVs I was becoming accustom to riding in. Then there is a video of paparazzi following Louis into the hotel and asking him if he has a girlfriend. This video hurts the most because Louis has one of his famous smiles and answers "No luck in that department yet lads but thanks for asking". My heart breaks right then and there; tears are streaming from my face and I vaguely hear Brad telling me not to jump to conclusions to just call him. But it's the other voice that I hear even more clearly and he's laughing as he says "Geez Haley I knew you were a slut but to sleep with a boy band guy and then get royally dumped that's pathetic" Ryan says.

I am moving but not with ease or with an idea of where I am putting my feet. I knock my lunch off the table in my haste to leave. I hear Brad telling me to wait than saying a few choice words to Ryan though I'm not waiting. I'm running now straight to the stairs and up to my office. When I exit the staircase I nearly run over Chrissy who is telling me Brad told her to have me go to his office.  I love Brad like a brother but I'm not listening to him because I need to be alone.  I slam the door to my office, lock it, draw the blinds everywhere and sit under my desk.  All the feelings of guilt and shame returns accompanied by hurt and heartbreak.

How could I be so stupid again?  How did I let myself get hurt like this?  How humiliating to have Louis dismiss me on tv and Ryan be witness to it.  Even worse I really do look like a slut coming out of that hotel room.  I'm in a ball on the floor of my office under my desk hyperventilating tears streaming from my face when I hear Brad come in.  I know it's him he's the only one that has a key that would just come in without knocking.  There's no will in me to pretend that I'm fine so I just lay there.  He shuts the door behind him and takes me into his arms.  I flinch at first until I hear him softly saying "it's alright I've got you" over and over.  It's not the arms I want around me or the voice I want to hear saying those words but it helps.

Im not sure how long we sit there on my office floor but when I've been quiet with less spasms from trying to collect my breath after all the crying Brad finally begins to try and sit me up.  My mouth and eyes are dry from the crying so I ask Brad for water.  He hands me the bottle I have on my desk and I drink until it's gone.  I know I look a mess with smeared make up and the disgust of tears and snot on my face.  So I grab the wipes I keep in my drawer for when I spill something on my shirt while eating lunch at my desk.  I wipe my face all in silence until Brad finally says

"I really just want to punch him in the face smug bastard"

Unsure of who he is referring to I just nod my head.

"Haley I am so sorry!  I know it looks bad I just think you should talk to Louis"

My voice is horse from the crying and it's a little hard to get the words out "I thought he was a smug bastard?"I question

As the words leave my mouth I realize he was talking about Ryan.  I say as much before he can reply.  "Yes Ryan is a bastard but Louis isn't much better.  You saw him with that girl.  You heard him say he doesn't have a girlfriend.  Look can we just go home now?  Or if you don't want to leave can I call a ride?  I can't stay here." 

"I already texted Kate to collect you.  She's waiting in my office.  I'll be back shortly I just want to wrap up a few things here.  I'm really sorry Haley". He replies as he gives me a hug and helps me up.

I grab my bag and laptop, check myself in the mirror that I stash in my drawer and adjust my clothes.  Once I feel presentable even though I'm sure the whole office knows I've been having a meltdown in my office; I go and find Kate.  She is worried and pissed at the same time.  She calls Ryan a few very vulgar things but tells me she also thinks I should talk to Louis.  I'm really not ready to have a conversation with anyone but as if on cue my phone is buzzing and Louis name is showing.  I hit the button to send him to voicemail and tell Kate I want to leave.

The ride back to the apartment is quiet sans the buzzing of my phone that is until I get annoyed and turn it off. I know Kate has questions or at the very least wants to say something however she remains silently fuming next to me. When we get back to the apartment I walk up the stairs and go inside to find Greg sitting on the couch with a bottle of wine and four glasses sitting on the table. I'm ashamed, embarrassed and tired so I just go straight to the shower. In the small space of my shower the tears start again though these are tears of sadness not of shame. I cry again until I have no tears left to weep then I clean myself up and pull on my most comfortable clothes to join the others in my living room where I know they're waiting.