Through the dark

Moving on

The first couple of nights after Louis and I sort of ended things was rough.  He didn't call the next day so I started to think maybe he was just done trying but then the day after that they were off so he called when he had a bit of free time.  We talked about a half hour just about how we both still care but he understood where I was coming from.  Then before too long Niall was asking him to go do something and we said goodbye.  I didn't hear from him for a few days after that until another free day with another short conversation this time about the shows and my family.  The nights were hard too; nightmares of Ryan laughing at me.  The worst were when Louis was in them as well laughing or looking at me in disgust. 

But time keeps passing day by day and Louis hasn't called in about two weeks.  Sure he's sent the occasional text; a quick hello or a picture with the guys.  Once he even did a selfie of them all on stage with the crowd in the background.  But I'm starting to miss him and I'm pretty sure he isn't missing me anymore.  The European leg of the tour is coming to an end in a few days.  Louis was supposed to be coming here to spend a couple of days with me but he's made no mention of it since I told him I just wanted him to basically move on.

I'm trying to move on myself I cut my hair to about shoulder length just to feel a change. Kate has been great about helping with getting me a great sleep aide to improve my sleep. She keeps me shopping, surfing or just having movie nights with our favorite couple.  Speaking of Brad he has keeps me busy at work too with new clients not to mention he let Ryan know in no uncertain terms that he isn't welcome near me or near his offices so at least he hasn't been an issue.  I am sitting here in my office on a Thursday finishing the final touches on my latest promo for a client when he comes in.

"Hey let's play hooky tomorrow I need you to come run a couple errands with me."

"You're the boss but what do you have in mind?"

"Can you keep a secret?"

"Hmmm"

"Haley now I'm serious."

"Geesh yes I can keep a secret what gives?"

"Well I will have you know I'm proposing and given as such I'm scouting locations."

"Seriously?!? Oh my gosh! I would love to help!"

"Good. So what we are going to do is act as if we are going to work but head out to a couple of spots. We will come by the office to change so bring a bag of something to switch in to. That way Greg has no idea and we have several hours to look around."

"Look at you being sneaky!" I laugh

"Well you know how he is I have to because he figures everything out."

I'm so happy for Brad but this news has me feeling a little sad. Not that I thought Louis and I would get married though just remembering being really happy with him and now we aren't talking. It kind of brings me down. I don't say this to Brad I simply jump up to give him a big hug. We agree that unfortunately Kate can't know as she in fact can not keep a secret. Then he tells me he'll be ready to leave work  at five and heads back to his office. I suddenly have the urge to tell Louis; I think about calling but decide it's too late he may be sleeping so I just text. Hey I hope things are going well. I know it's late but Brad just told me he's going to propose! He's asked me to help him find the perfect spot. Greg is so amazing I wish you could meet him. Anyway it's a secret so I'm not supposed to say anything. Don't tell him I told you! XoXo.

It isn't until after I hit send that I realize how I ended the text. It was just a reflex because I am so happy for Brad which reminds me of how happy Louis made me. I haven't ended like that in awhile now I feel so stupid. Here he is listening to me about getting on with things and I send that text. Hopefully I don't upset him. But he doesn't respond so I don't know.

The next day Brad and I are on a mission to find the perfect place to propose. We went to work where we changed and Brad let Chrissy know that as far as Greg is concerned he's in meetings all day. We pass on looking at all the obvious places such as Santa Monica pier, the Hollywood sign and any of the beaches. We focus on the Griffith Observatory, The Getty Center and Huntington Botanical Gardens. The latter is my absolute favorite as it is so beautiful; I get a little teary eyed walking around.

"Hey now I hope those are tears of joy!" Brad says when he sees my face

With a little laugh I say "Of course I'm so happy for you!"

"Yet there's a hint of sadness. So what gives? Thinking of a certain lad we both know?"

"Don't be silly!" But the look on his face tells me I should just be honest. "Yes okay I am indeed thinking of Louis but only because it's so beautiful here just like at the parks we walked through. I am extremely happy for you and Greg though."

"I know you are and I am extremely sad for you. You were so much more full of life in Europe. You're alright now not like you were before the trip but not like you were on it either." He gives me a hug. "But let's talk of happier things. Now what do you think? I'm still tore between here and maybe the Observatory."

"If it were me I would want it to be here. But it's Greg you know him best; where would he love?"

"I'm certain he'd be happy right in our living room but I think it's beautiful here as well."

"Then this is where you should do it!  Do you know when you want to?"

"I am debating between sometime during the week or next weekend". He laughs a joyful laugh. "Soon though I don't think I can keep a secret for much longer". We both laugh at that.

The location picked out we head back to the office to change our clothes to keep up with the ruse that we have been hard at work. Chrissy informs him that Greg only called once and said to tell us pick up dinner on the way home. Sometimes I feel like the third wheel ever since we've come back from Europe and the whole TMZ debacle they have been at the apartment every other night. I try to tell Brad this when we are headed to the car but he just blows me off saying something about getting ready for parenthood which makes us both laugh.

We pick up take out from our favorite Chinese food restaurant because we haven't had that lately. When we get home he goes up to get Greg and change into comfy clothes. I do the same and let Kate know they'll be down shortly. Once we are comfy in the living room I flip on the tv. Our Friday night line up starts in an hour so it's just background noise while we eat. We are enjoying the food when my phone buzzes Louis name appears. I don't know why I'm so excited but I grab my phone dashing into the bedroom.

I answer sort of breathless from the quick jump and run I did. "Hello"

"Haley hey I got your text sorry I didn't reply sooner. Even off days are pretty busy sometimes."

"No it's fine I know you are super busy. It's really great to hear your voice". I admit before I even realize what I'm doing.

He's quiet for a moment "I feel the same way". Silence again "anyway did you guys find a place for Brad to pop the question?"

"Uh yes he is going to do it at Huntington Botanical Garden." Then without thinking it through I say "It is so beautiful Louis you should see it. It's as pretty as the parks we walked when I was in Europe. I told Brad that when we were there." Then my brain seems to kick in because I say "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have..". I trail off because I'm not sorry I want him to know I miss him but I don't want to hurt either of us.

"Hales there's no reason to be sorry love. I'm not. But I should go it is late or Um early and we have our final two shows of this leg today and tomorrow."

"Yea right I'm sorry I didn't think. You should definitely rest. We can talk another time."

"Don't apologize and yes another time. Night"

"Night"

Just like that the call ends and I'm sitting there staring at the picture of the two of us he gave me on our last night together. Once I collect myself the fear of tears passing by; I return to the living room. I make a joke about someone eating all the dumplings before I could get any and sit down on the floor. The evening passes like most of our Friday nights lately. We eat, watch our shows and drink a bottle of wine. When the guys have left for the night I tell Kate I'm exhausted then head to my room. I take a sleep aide even though I had some wine because I really just want to be asleep already. Tonight's dream is a foggy memory of a better day in Paris mixed with evil laughter as the soundtrack.