Cheryl's nightmare

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Cheryl's Pov:

I awoke abruptly after having a nightmare for the third night in a row. The last two had been about my nightmarish mother but this one was about my time at the Sisters of Quiet Mercy and it was like I was reliving everything they did to me and put me through but of course it also lead back to my horrid mother and how she put me there and what she had put me through and in her head it was "for my own good" because I was "deviant".

Everything in this nightmare felt so real. My emotions, senses and even visions were so life-like. It was like I was really there, experiencing these horrid unspeakable things all over again. I felt lonely, the same lonely I had felt the days I was trapped there.. like everything my mother said was true, maybe I was loveless after all?
Or maybe I always knew it deep down and that's why I had such a guard up and why I never opened up to anyone or let anyone in, the person I opened up to the most was most likely Veronica or Toni, but I barely even opened up to Veronica, just a little on the night before Jasons funeral and that one time I had a breakdown in the changing rooms. She was the only one there for me that night which is probably why I did open up to her, I mean I would've opened up to whoever was there at that time she was just there I guess .. she wasn't special or anything.

But Toni was.. when I told her about all the insane stuff that happened to me I expected her to abandon me like everyone else but she stayed. Not only did she stay, she actually listened and comforted me. At first I didn't tell her everything because I was scared I was going to push her away or she'd leave but she never did. I lov- appreciated her so much for that and could never thank her enough. She also rescued me from that awful place - The Sisters of Quiet Mercy - when she only knew me two or so weeks while the people I knew most of my life didn't even try to help me - except Veronica of course but that's besides the point.

The point is, Toni had shown me so many things including what it feels like to be cared for and maybe even loved. She showed me what it was like to know a person that you could tell then every little thing about yourself to and they wouldn't treat you any different. She showed me what it was like to feel safe, comfortable and secure with a person. She showed me what it was like to talk to somebody for hours and never get bored just because you find them so fascinating. And finally she showed me what it was like to feel like a person and to feel good about yourself.

Before Toni came along I hadn't fully known what feeling true happiness was. Before Toni I had never laughed so hard my stomach hurt. I had never known what that weird feeling in your stomach, called "butterfly's" was. I hadn't known how much you can truly love someone - to be more exact I hadn't even known what love really was before Toni - I had never felt loved or loved someone before but when that annoying-pink-haired-southside-serpent came along that all changed. I changed, actually she changed me - for the better of course - and even though we had only known eachother for a short period of time I felt as though I have known her forever and I couldn't imagine a life without her.

One thing I know for sure is I am never leaving her ever...

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