Pretty Boy

Every Smile You Fake Is So Condescending

Serge:

High with exhilaration drifting through my skin, I take another hit of crushed pills and lift the paper to my nose, snorting it.

I'm alone in my room doing absolutely nothing but trying to feel something. I'm done with myself and I can't take anymore of everything. I don't know how to cope with all my emotions and I'm afraid that I'm already damaged once I pass it. It's difficult to feel happy, and though I just want to smile it all off, its fakeness still seems so condescending. It's hard, and I can't do anything but learn how to deal with it on my own. 

My head is spinning and I am feeling lost in every sort of euphoria. It's already morning, and I decided to not go to school. I'm still marked with what just happened yesterday, and the memory of it is fresh in my mind. I can't forget it. Even as I try to do drugs, I still can't because I'm too fucking weak. I'm hiding away from now until the school consults my mom about what happened, and I'm sure that I'll be taking unfathomable questions whenever she does. I'm just looking for a mentality from every sense I can currently counter.

My room is locked, away from everything and everyone, and I'm stuck in the middle of my hall, sitting right on the floor and getting myself high from narcotics. It's pathetic, I know, yet I can't really bring myself to care since I'm wasted as fuck.

My vision is ringing and I'm feeling dosed from reality. The shadows from my surroundings move, and my head is pounding with pleasure.

A text from my laptop pings my ears, and I try not to mind it, yet I can't. 

I stood from where I was seated, trying to maintain balance and keep my body in the right posture. I stumble nearly three times before I get to bed, and when I do, my face hits the mattress and I'm back to feeling hazy all over again.

My eyes close from where I am, feeling tired and not caring if I look ridiculous at all. I can't even bring myself to move anymore since my mind is pushing me to sleep. The alert is probably not important anyway, so it's better if I take a hit now first since I haven't slept all night long.

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My head pounds when I wake up and my ears are welcomed with calls from Haley. I feel like I've taken a nap for about 10 minutes, yet when I check the time, it's already 1:00. My body feels weak from every meal that I've been missing, and my heart is pounding so hard that it could burst out of my chest. I feel like I'm struck with electricity from sudden pains, yet I still try to keep it together and reach for my phone.

My eyes graze on her contact and linger on the message she sent.

"Have you watched the latest video on Highspeed?" She texts.

Highspeed is like a dark secret site from our school where students are the only ones who have access. They post their nudes or whatever they want on there, which will almost certainly land them in jail for legal reasons. I find it really disturbing. Like a fucked up idea highschoolers get that shouldn't even be publicized. Posting about your crimes is bad enough, but creating a private site where innocent minds can wander is even worse. It's sad that they haven't been busted for their actions, and how it has been going on for seven years now is truly confusing. 

I haven't checked any of it. Honestly, I doubt I'll ever have since, as I said, students have been complaining about how bad it is for years. I may be curious and all, but I still have common sense to avoid doing stupid things like that. However, Haley, on the other hand, is probably different since it's obvious that she's updated from the stories there. We even talked about how the site shouldn't even exist, yet here she is asking me to watch one of the videos. Though, I doubt that she didn't hear it somewhere else, if it is really a big deal. If there is a scandal in our school, then people will definitely be nosy and talk about it.