Hard to Love {A Hotchniss Story}

Chapter 32

"Lauren and Ian in love, you really played that part well, didn't you?" Jennifer asked Emily. They were alone in the round table room, everyone else went to do more digging, think of ways of helping Emily, but Emily needed a moment and Jennifer wanted to be there for her.

"I guess I did." Emily placed her elbows on the table and buried her face in her hands. "I played it very well for three years JJ."

"How much of it did you play and how much of it did you actually feel?" It was obvious to Jennifer that that was the case. 

"I don't know." Emily sighed heavily then she turned to look at Jennifer. "I told Aaron I've never had a real relationship, but Ian...Doyle...I know I shouldn't have been emotionally involved, but I was. I think I loved him, I think I was in love JJ."

"For three years you were with him, every single day. I think it was normal for you to have caught some feelings and-"

"Was it? Was it normal to open up to someone like him? To trust him with my life's story? He was the first one who knew about my father. I lied to you guys and to Aaron about that too." Emily stood up and started pacing around the room. "I screwed it up by loving Doyle, I screwed it up by lying to Aaron. He'll know now, I have to tell him because now everyone is in danger because of me-"

"Emily don't do this." Jennifer walked to her and stopped Emily from moving around. "Don't blame yourself for things you couldn't control. Yes, you should've told Aaron the truth, but loving Doyle was something you couldn't help."

"How does a normal person love someone like Ian Doyle?" Emily asked, but she left no room for Jennifer to answer the question. "I'll tell you, they don't. But I did."

"He must've done something good to make you love him Em, there's no way you would've loved him for his killings." Jennifer said in all seriousness. "It wasn't your fault, feelings are normal, you have feelings and no matter what feelings, you have to feel them. You can't push them under a rug and expect them to go away, that doesn't work."

"They have been away until now, so I guess that worked for a while." Emily looked up at the ceiling for a moment then she shook her head and took a deep breath. "I'll meet with Doyle when we arrange it, then I'll tell Aaron the truth. I can't keep this lie."

"I'd like to say that he won't make a big deal out of it,-"

"I don't think he will, but I'm gonna hurt him with this." With that said Emily left the room without allowing Jennifer to have another word with her. 

The team worked hard for the next two days trying to find everything they could about Ian Doyle: the places where he spent the most time, the most dangerous people he was working with, his strategies, absolutely everything that they could and may might have helped them in the future. 

Then on Wednesday they stopped when Emily's phone rang and an unknown number appeared on the screen, a different one from the one before, an American number this time. "It's him." This time when Emily answered she didn't put it on speaker. "Alo?"

"Emily, you've been waiting?" Ian asked on the other side of the call and waited patiently for Emily to answer his question.

"I have." Emily said simply without any emotion in her voice yet.

"Missed me that much? Or has your boss has helped with that?" Emily could hear the smile in Ian's voice.

"What?" Emily was barely audible so she had to repeat the question.

"Aaron Hotchner, I know about your little boyfriend/boss." Ian continued. "Tell me, is a good guy better than a bad one?"

"What?" In that moment Emily was glad she chose not to put it on speaker. She didn't want the whole team to hear that conversation.

"Does he treat you better than I did? Does he fuck you better?"

"Ian-"

"He doesn't, but he's with you so you can't tell the truth. I know." Ian laughed in her ear and Emily took a deep breath as she waited for him to speak again. "I'll give you two locations, one of them, you'll come to that one, the other, you'll sent your team there. You either come alone or they all die, understood?"

"Understood." Emily didn't hesitate because she knew Ian, it was his way or nothing at all and she wasn't going to take any chances, not when it came to the lives of the people she loved. And in her mind it made much more sense for her to be the only one in danger, and not her six best friends, her new family. 

"What did he say?" Aaron asked after Emily hung up.

"He'll send me a location and wants to meet me there."