Hard to Love {A Hotchniss Story}

Chapter 36

"How do you want me to look at you? After all of this?" Aaron asked in a low tone, he wasn't angry, it was a mix of curiosity and disappointment in his voice.

"Not this way. I couldn't choose if I loved him or not." Emily said in all seriousness, for once trying to justify herself and protect herself.

"But you chose not to tell me about it." Aaron shot back and with that he was right, that was a choice she had made. "Why the hell did you do that?"

"Because I'm scared and confused, that's why-"

"Not now, then, when we first talked about it." Aaron said and Emily remained quiet. "What were you confused about? About whether you still love him?"

"No." Emily shook her head. "I love you Aaron, I'm just, I don't know. I have no fucking clue."

"Maybe you need time." Aaron suggested and Emily was surprised to hear that from him. It wasn't in a bad way that he said all that, but Emily took it that way because of everything that was going on in her mind.

"Maybe I do." Emily said convincingly and Aaron felt his heart sinking. Both of them were doing and saying the things they least wanted to do or say, but neither of them changed that because they were too mad at themselves and at the same time at each other, so their egos were winning.

"So we're ending this, for the time being." Aaron stated, but in his heart he knew it was more like a question.

"I guess we are." Emily said, this time lower.

"I'm sorry Em." Aaron went closer to her and gave Emily a tight hug. They did indeed need time with themselves and with each other. He was upset and she was confused, but that didn't mean they loved each other less.

"Me too." Emily whispered right before she pulled back. "Can I take the night off?" She knew he'd know she was upset if she asked that, but Emily didn't care because she still trusted him, she was gonna trust him forever.

"Alone?" The last thing Aaron wanted was for Emily to be left all alone that night because he was scared she might do something regarding Ian Doyle. "What about JJ and Penelope?"

"It would be too much to ask-"

"No, they can take the night off too. There's not much left that we can do anyway." Aaron cut Emily off and by the look in her eyes he knew she was grateful. It wasn't easy but in that moment it seemed to be the right thing. "Take care Emily, please."

"You too Aaron." Emily smiled at him then she walked out of the round table room. She felt a wave of tears threatening to come out of her eyes and she rushed to Penelope's office. She hoped she wouldn't be in there, but Penelope was doing something on her personal computer. However, she suddenly stopped when Emily stormed inside the room.

"Emily, oh, what a-what happened?" Penelope suddenly changed the course of her discourse when she saw a teary eyes Emily lean against the door.

"Aaron and I..." Emily stopped talking because tears flooded her face. It wasn't just her situation with Aaron that made her cry, that made her whole body ache. It was everything going on at that moment, but she hoped she wouldn't lose Aaron in the process. It was the worst that could've happened.

"Oh, my love!" Penelope went closer to Emily and took her in her arms. She knew instantly that Emily and Aaron had broken up and with all the stress that Emily had been under, Penelope couldn't say that she didn't expect it.

When Emily calmed down Penelope let go of her and went to sit in her chair as Emily slid down and laid on the floor. She always felt better if she was lying on the floor. "Can you get JJ so we can go out drinking tonight?" Emily asked without mentioning anything else about Aaron.

"Would it be the best idea to go out drinking considering Doyle's after you?" Penelope asked and Emily knew she was right. "My place?" She suggested when she noticed that Emily was bummed by the idea of not going out. "You, me and JJ?"

"Thank you." Emily whispered as she wiped away her tears.

"Do you want to go now?" Penelope asked very well knowing her answer. "I'll go get JJ and we'll get out of here, ok?"

"Sure."

Then Penelope went and told JJ the news. As the blonde went to get her things Penelope went to Derek. "Hey."

"Hey baby girl, what's the problem?" He noticed from the start that something was not all right.

"Emily and Hotch broke up, we're going for a few drinks." Penelope told Derek and he looked disappointed. "We haven't talked much yet."

"Where are you going for drinks?" Derek asked without demanding more details about Emily and Aaron.

"My place. I figured we shouldn't really go out out, just to relax a bit, so Emily could talk."

"Take care baby girl, anything you need I'm a call away."