Hard to Love {A Hotchniss Story}

Chapter 42

The sun was up, Penelope wasn't, but Emily's mind was screaming with thoughts. She wanted to lay in bed and never ever get up again, just curl in a ball and never have to face the world. But that was impossible, she couldn't just stop her life, stop everything, but she wished she could.

Emily got up and almost immediately fell back down. She was incredibly hungry, but she felt like she would vomit if she dared to put anything in her mouth. She wanted to wake Penelope up, but the thought of seeing that full of pity look on her face kept her from doing that. So, instead of waking her up, Emily found Penelope's phone and called JJ.

"Is everything ok Penelope?" JJ answered almost immediately.

"It's me." Emily said and there was a pause for a few seconds. "You still there?"

"Y-yeah, of course." JJ answered without a second thought. "Do you need anything?"

"A ride home. Pen doesn't have a license, so no car to drive myself-"

"I'll be right there Emily, give me fifteen minutes." JJ was already searching for her keys before she hung up the phone.

Emily sat down Penelope's phone and went to see if she was actually still sleeping and she was. Emily decided to wake Penelope up, she did not want to leave without saying a word. So she gently woke her friend up. "Pen? Come on honey, wake up."

Penelope slowly opened her eyes and she was completely awake when she realised Emily was staring down at her. "Did something happen? Do you need anything? Is everything ok? Are you-"

"Everything is ok PG." Emily smiled as Penelope sat up. "I just called JJ using your phone, she's gonna give me a ride home."

"You can stay more, you don't have to-"

"I know." Emily nodded her head. "But I gotta be on my own a couple of days, try and process everything, you know?" Emily asked and Penelope nodded her head. "I just need a minute."

"Ok, but you need to know something before you go home." Penelope paused for a second. It was like she was bracing herself to say something terrible. "Your house was kind of trashed by Doyle and his people. We helped put what we could together so it's fine, but it's different."

"Ok, thank you." Emily hoped that would not have been the case, but what was done was done and there was nothing she could do to change that.

JJ arrived in less than fifteen minutes and picked up Emily. Instinctively she went to hug her friend, JJ missed Emily, she wanted to show her that. But Emily stepped back. "I'm sorry, I, I don't know what that was about." But she knew, everyone knew. Doyle, that was what it was all about. "Come here." Emily smiled and opened her arms.

"Are you sure?" JJ looked at her with questioning eyes. She wanted to hug her friend, but she had no intention of making her feel uncomfortable.

"Get in here." Emily smiled. It was ok when she expected it, even better when she initiated it. She wasn't sure yet of the best way to handle things. But what she knew was that it would be a mistake to push everyone away. She needed everyone, she needed her friends and she needed to trust them.

On the ride home, both women were quiet. It was rather expected, Emily hoped JJ would make conversation, but at the same time she hoped she would not say a word. Eventually, they arrived at Emily's apartment and Emily and realised she had no key, but it wasn't a problem because the lock had been changed anyway and JJ had the new keys.

"How much do I owe for everything that's been changed and to whom?" Emily asked sounding grateful for everything that's been done for her.

"It was teamwork and absolutely nothing. It is the least we could have done Em." JJ say down with her friend on the couch keeping some distance though. "Did you get any sleep?"

"A little." Emily woke up at least once an hour, all sweaty and breathing heavily because of some kind of nightmare which involved Doyle's face.

"Did you eat?" JJ continued with questions, but she didn't like absolutely one answer that she had received. No, Emily did not eat, she did not drink, she was dizzy, she was tired. "Let's change all this."

"I might just throw up JJ, I-"

"No." JJ shook her head. "We're eating, we're hydrating, we're doing everything we can to help you feel even remotely better. Got it? You don't have to talk about it unless you want to. But we're trying, ok?"

"Ok." Emily nodded her head. Her friend was just trying to help in the most comfortable way for Emily. She would have liked to refuse, but it was not for the best. "Thank you, JJ."

"Always."