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SOOYOUNG'S POV
it had never occurred to anybody that i had feelings as well, but in their opinion i waited until the wood was placed and simply set the fire ablaze.
but in all i had never felt feelings for jungeun, it was just a mere plan of mine to get the one i really wanted. by the name of jinsoul. how could jungeun come and swipe her off her feet, when i was always the on to catch her when she fell.
i hated jungeun for that yet understanding how she could fall for somebody like jinsoul. just as i had, nine years ago today. something i had always celebrated with jinsoul. with jinsoul. and this time today, here jinsoul was wrapped in my arms. mine. as i had always proclaimed her to be.
the younger asleep in my arms as i took her home, with me. sharing the intimacy i had always wanted.
on this day i fell in love.
you see, if you had told 12 year old sooyoung, she'd be in the arms of the girl of her dreams. i'd bet she'd be jumping of joy.
but 21 year old me, felt a bit off. i was used to the arms of jungeun. i sought comfort in the arms of jungeun. but that didn't mean anything right.
her enchanting scent, the red lipstick that she had worn all the time, her dyed pink hair that smelt of peppermint, the round brown orbs i could stare at for days, the way she scrunches up her nose, the way she puckers her lips, the biggest smile that could be seen wherever.
jungeun was a breath of fresh air. and maybe, just maybe i had the slightest interest in her.
i mean yes i could listen to her ramble all day, how intent she is on finishing the stories one by one, the usage of hand movements while explaining it. i could get used to it.
okay maybe i see why jinsoul fell for her and not me.
jungeun's everything i would want in a girl. i mean she's everything everyone would want in a girl. not just me, because i do not like jungeun.
i could never like jungeun. even though she's pretty as well as her personality, like very pretty.
the perpetuating pieces of paintings that could go on for days.
the piercing gaze she gave when something didn't go her way. (brat)
the pout she gave whenever i said no. it ruined me in a way i could love.
the silky smooth skin i looked forward to feeling when showered with kisses.
the round eyebrows that furrowed when she'd laugh.
the lips i'd find myself staring at, yearning for the soft kisses she gave.
the face she'd make when she had found something at distaste to her.
the eyes, oh the eyes. i could search them for hours, searching for something i never thought i would.
and lastly, the love she had given me through it all. the love i had always wanted from jinsoul.
it's like she filled the void, in the way it should be. yet my heart wanted jinsoul. it wanted both. could i have both? what if they find out they only want each other, never me. it would never be me.
it could never be me. i was never enough for jinsoul and i'll never be enough for jungeun. she'll leave one day. right?
it was something i thought i could find, but i'm only running in circles, ending up in a loop. and maybe i had hoped for something more.
a repetitive loop that could not be led off of.
jungeun has ended that loop for me, i think.
jungeun is everything i'd want in a girl.
and maybe..
on this day i fell in love.
𝗮𝘂𝘁𝗵𝗼𝗿'𝘀 𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗲
this is all for this chapter ! i know it's short but the next will be longer and maybe the last. don't forget to comment and vote!
