A Chapter Named C [pt.2]

7.06 pm

I've been having a mental breakdown
Since i left work today
With everything going on around me
Work was supposed to be a safe haven
I was supposed to be okay there
But it's been hell lately
Had to stop at a park near home
I needed to stop the hurting
The blade is in the center console
But i didn't touch it
Parked the car, left everything inside
Keys and no phone
Jumped the fence
Lock the car, i started walking
Then i was running
Until i couldn't anymore
I tossed my keys and
Collapsed on the ground
I couldn't stop myself
From breaking down
On the far end of the field
Anyone could see but i didn't care
I stayed there until i could breathe
Took a minute to get up
Before i started walking back
Until i was running full speed
Ignoring the pain in my side
I jumped back over the fence
Collapsed back into my car
Tear stained cheeks and droopy eyes
Drove home in silence
Sat in my driveway a minute
Staring blankly ahead
Before i grabbed the blade anyway
Who's going to know?
Who's going to care?
Nobody will know i ran from the pain
Nobody will know i cut it out of me
Nobody will know i broke down
Nobody will know i'm not alright
Nobody will know i lost control again

[5/11/2022]