𝑅𝐸𝐷 𝑀 𝐴 𝐷 𝑁 𝐸 𝑆 𝑆

𝑇𝑒𝑛

The four horsemen were here, in my hospital room. Along with my friends, who were waiting in the hall. I wanted to thank them, and I was trying to buy myself some time. I didn't want to see James, I didn't want to see Gabriel, and I especially didn't want to see the look on Loren and Alexei's faces. Just being here was painful enough, I hated myself.

If I fucking didn't crumble on stage, maybe nothing of this would have happened. Why had my body betrayed me like this? I didn't even want to go on Instagram. What if people recorded me almost falling? My dm's were going to be full by the end of the night.

I just hoped I pulled it off.

"You alright?" Will asked, coming down to sit next to my bed. I didn't know why they talked to me at my mother's funeral or why they were being so nice to me.

After all, I had everything. What void were they filling that I wasn't aware I had?

It rattled my mind. The four horsemen, the most popular guys in school. I used to never pay attention to them but now that they were paying me attention? I knew I wasn't going to leave it alone. I needed to know the truth.

"I'm fine, Will"

The thing that surprised me was that they genuinely cared. My gut told me it was pity, it had to be. They didn't know one thing about me. The redhead girl had four guy friends and played music. That was who I was supposed to be. It was who I was. But, with them, it felt different. I don't know, maybe I just didn't know how to be myself around them.

"Hey!" Will squealed, twisting his head to his friends. He waved his hand on his shoulder like he was washing away dust that was in fact not on his shirt.

"She called me Will" he mumbled then met my gaze. I rolled my eyes at the back of my head before chuckling. How could it be that he was so sweet? He was like a little kid, the way his hair was all messed up and his excitement. How was it possible for someone to be so happy?

"What were you guys doing there?" I have so many questions and this is the first one that pops into my mind. I see everyone that comes into that bar. They're like ghosts to me but I recognize all of them. Never once did the four horsemen come to one of our shows.

"What happened to your cheek?" Damon spoke up, my eyes snapping to his. His dark brown stare made me nervous, more anxious than I should have been.

"I grew up pretty fast" I shot back, my eyes narrowing. I saw the way he was looking at me, like I was a mystery. I wasn't a puzzle, I wasn't anything special. Why wasn't he stopping this little mind game of his? I was tired of living, I didn't have to see my reflection in his eyes.

"Look, I just want to thank you" I smiled, my tears suppressing themselves. It was a blessing, how so close they were but so far away, too.

"Well, you're welcome," Michael said. He didn't sound convincing, more annoyed. What was he doing here then? If he wanted to be high all the time, I wasn't going to stop him.

What were their motives?

"Let me see your bandage" Kai walked toward me. I didn't have enough time to react, I didn't think he would actually check up on me. In this room, Damon, Will, and Kai seemed to care. Michael did, somewhat, a little bit. He didn't have to pretend he was bored, it was pretty obvious.

When Kai started to lift my hospital robe, I instantly flinched. My eyelids closed and they were sealed to stay shut until he was done.

"What happened to you?" He murmured, still loud enough for me to hear. Kai Mori was a sweet and sour guy. His mood swings were giving his conquests headaches, that was what I heard anyway.

"Good things never last"

With that being said, I dared to get a good look at me and I knew, it was pity. The eyes never lied. I couldn't blame him, why blame something on someone when it wasn't even their fault? I guess it was easier to outsiders to see how much I was drowning. Some of them cared, none of them cared enough.

"Thank you guys"

"Don't mention it" Will pressed to talk before any of them. He kissed my cheeks and the heat from my stomach rose to my cheeks. I grinned and when I saw them walking out, I tried my best to catch Damon's hand.

I didn't know why I did that or why I had the urge to tell him to stop, I still did it.

"Stop"

"Or what?"

He tilted his head to the side and my fingers lingered on his skin before my father came into view. It felt inadequate, for him to be there. And of course, he showed up, drunk.

Damon was quick to walk out and I bit the inside of my cheeks, waiting for his hand to crash on my right cheek. The strike never came.

He was a grown man with committable mistakes. Just like my mother, my father was crazy as well. There was something very wrong inside him, inside- what he called- our home. It wasn't home, it didn't even feel like a house.

"My little cherry in disguise" he whispered, tugging my hair behind my ears. My lips trembled and when his fingernails clutched my skin, I fell apart it was my favorite dream. My imagination was deep, it didn't matter what he was doing. As long as I kept dreaming, it wasn't real. It didn't have to be if I didn't let it. Everything was so bittersweet. Was it possible I was crazy too?

I wallowed myself and I didn't care. What else was there to do?

"You're friends can stay with you. I'll see you at home" he said sharply, his voice cutting me like a blade on fire. This time, he did slap me but not as hard as I anticipated.

My breath hitched and the next thing I knew, my friends were in the room. My sick father was long gone.

I didn't like being in the hospital. It felt like I was absorbing everyone's pain and I didn't know how to not notice it. Every was heightened, that was how I knew Loren and Alexei were suffering.

Meanwhile, I was trembling with fear.

"What's the deal with the fucking four horsemen?" Gabriel asked, sitting down on my bed. Alexei took the seat Will was in and James opened the TV. I was in a private room so that was a plus of being rich. Even though I wasn't staying for the night, this bed felt more homely than anything else in my life.

"You jealous?" I asked, a smirk rising on my lips. While really, I was the one who was deeply jealous of their lives. Maybe there would come a time when life would finally give me what I deserved. Or maybe, not.

"Of course not," Loren said while slipping himself inside my bed. My heart tumbled and I saw James raise his eyebrows.

"You're my best friends, I'll love you forever," I stuck my tongue out and Loren was careful to wrap an arm around me. I leaned into him, seeking comfort. I found it, but this wasn't near what Damon's fingers made me feel. What was wrong with me?

Did I want to know?