Trapped - Todoroki

8.2| Ani? 兄

⚠️TW; this chapter contains suicidal thoughts , mental illness (depression+), cutting, voices, etc (same as previous chapter)
The video above contains similar/the same triggers - -> listen and read at your own risk and pls skip if your sensitive to these topics.. i will try to add a more light-hearted chapter soon (when it fits the plot a bit).
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Previously..
Shoto tried to hang himself and when that seemed to fail him as well he settled for his only option.. to cut.
The boy cut to regain control. He cut to feel. To be human again.. not some robot following his father without a second thought.
He cut to be free.

He continued slashing his already pale and delicate skin until..

✶

'Ani..' Shoto who was once immersed in his thoughts heard the door to his room open and there stood his one and only brother, looking like he was cosplaying as a waterfall. Natsuo looked like he was about to break, fighting the urge to storm of and punch their father senseless but instead opted for comforting and stopping his younger brother from whatever pushed him to harm himself.

'W-what are you doing here?' Shoto questioned shakily, clearly upset and possibly embarrassed that he got caught. He tried to compose himself, yet the sight of his brother whom he hadn't seen in years finally break down in tears over someone, no something like him prevented him from doing so.

A painful silence filled the room as the two males just looked at one another with heartbreak plastered on the spiky white's usually joyous face.

Blood littered the tatami flooring and walls. The room was coated with a red layer that made both the area and the "donor" unrecognisable
For his happiness the boy had lost himself completely. His father's words had always stung deeper than the daggers thrown at him during training and he thought that hurt.. but this, this was far beyond the pain he felt after training. The emotional damage from his mother burning him not coming close to the wretched feeling of betraying his brother. He'd already caused his remaining family too much pain and thought that by these actions he could make them happier, finally able to smile freely without worry.

After a long silence the older decided to break it with the question that was eating at him, and yet so obvious. The younger dreaded the moment, however, he was aware that in the situation it was inevitable and just prayed to whatever superior being out there that his brother would not catch a glimpse of the display behind him. The set-up he was standing on moments before he was caught was unsightly, much like himself. He definitely did not want to have to answer any of the questions that may come.

'Sho.. pls tell me you didn't do this to yourself'
'Natsuo-nii.. pls dont- You know what he'll do.. please'
~

'Y-you actually care?'
Natsuo was stunned.. he knew their father broke his brother but the question hurt.. he had no idea it had gotten this bad.
'Of course we care about you Sho.. I can't believe you thought we didn't. Me and Fuyumi will always be here for you. You know that..' Natsuo said, more like questioned as he really could not be sure. 'He knows we care.. right?' He thought to himself.
'P-promise?' The way his voice crackled broke the brother's heart.
He simply couldn't grasp in how much pain his younger brother must be. He had endured all the beatings and trauma just to be told he didn't amount to anything.. just to be traumatised and beat over and over again.

A continuous cycle of pain and guilt was all the younger had known.

In this moment the boy felt vulnerable. It was as if his brother's stormy eyes pierced through his nonexistent soul. Like he was being ripped apart yet completely fine, physically. He did not like the feeling, but could still feel some type of comfort seeing as his brother's rage has subsided and he was more calm and collected, unlike Shoto who was experiencing immense inner turmoil.

'Natsu-nii.. you know I tried. I tried so hard to become what he wanted me to be. I did everything he wanted. Became what he wanted..'

'But it's never enough..'

"I'm never enough"

'Everytime something isn't good enough.. I'm not good enough.'

'Sho you know that's not true.. everyone always told me how amazing you are. Your teachers and even the pro's that time you helped out all said how greatly skilled you are, in combat and academically. Shoto.. you were 7 when you defeated villains who gave the actual heroes a hard time.. remember?'

'You know nii-san.. it hurts..'
'It hurts that these people who don't know me, or who think they know me complement me. It pains me to know that they can say these things about me.'

'They think I'm some sort of protégee who just miraculously does these things.. almost like I didn't work for it myself.'
The immense pressure and pain was crushing him from within. He had no one to vent to and was never allowed to express himself, meaning that everything came crashing down once the walls cracked enough.

'What's worse is that those people who complemented me aren't him.. it will never be him because he's never satisfied with anything I do. It's never enough and I'm tired of trying.'

'I don't want to be his puppet.' His voice broke out.

'Don't worry, you don't have to become a hero like him. You can become a better one, one that fights for justice without stepping on others.'

'I never even wanted to be a hero! Let alone surpass some hero who as far as I'm concerned is just a mirage plastered on a screen. I didn't want any of this!'

'Just by living I'm hurting everyone around me.. I'm just a burden'
"And I hate it.."

'Just by leaving I'm helping you. Can't you see! Those things- happiness and kindness - they never happened to me. I can't even go outside.. Only when it is profitable for him can I leave this hellhole.. just to be used and stuck somewhere else.'

'Every day is so monotone. I just want it to stop'

'I'm nothing like this, I'm a no one.. Nobody cares' he kept rambling, finally letting his real emotions out after all those years of building his walls and keeping it inside. He broke down.
"Why would I want to stay?"

'This way at least I can stop the pain myself'

'Shoto, we, me and Fuyumi, will always be here for you, even if you don't see it just know that we care about you. We don't want to see you hurt.'

'Just by living I'm no one, a nobody, a waste of resources
So why? Why are you stopping me?'

'Why can't you just let me go? Just continue living like I'm not there like you did when we were kids! I'm sorry about breaking this family apart okay?! At least this way Fuyumi-nee can have the family she always dreamed of.. a perfect family.'

"Why is this not as easy as I thought it would be?"
"Why do I keep messing up..? God I can't do anything right,  can I?"

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A/N
I decided not to add any reactions to this chapter.
I can, however, still add them if you want..

it's just I can imagine them all being too stunned
to say anything and just processing all the information
and emotions they received/witnessed.
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My apologies for the slow update
and thank you for reading this
note, if you did!
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