Paint Me (GXG) ✒️

22

It was like the excitement of what had happened the night before, was waiting for me to be awoken from my slumber. I felt more at peace, but I couldn't stop my hands from tracing my bottom lip as I stared at the empty space Fareedah had been laying on. I let myself drop back on the bed, wishing I could stay there all day, reminiscing the kiss we had shared the night before. Living that moment over and over again. My lips spread into a wide smile, my heart feeling light and filled with joy. I bit my nails playfully, shutting my eyes as I let the moment replay over and over again, feeling my body heat up at the memory of that moment.

After basking in the moment over and over again, I finally decided it was time to face Fareedah and have a talk about what happened the night before. I was excited for us to become an item, so she could finally be mine and I hers. I threw my crop top on, leaving my phone in the room as I went to check what she was doing at that point in time, especially since I hadn't heard anything from neither her nor her presence in the house. I walked out of the room and towards the sitting from, hoping to see her there, but to my surprise it was empty. I checked the kitchen, no one. I began to worry, fear tightening my chest. I wore one of her flip flops as I walked out to ask her gateman if she had gone out.

"Madam?" he asked.

I nodded.

He shook his head in response, before he said, "No, she no go."

I understood his answer immediately, which only made me worry more. I smiled at him with a nod as I walked back in. She had never said it to me, but I had internally convinced myself that her room was out of bound. So, I assumed she was in her room and when she was ready or awake, she was going to come out. I let myself relax a bit as I went to the bedroom to pick both my phone and my tote bag. I sat in the sitting room; my legs tucked as I operated my phone. No matter what I tried to do, I mind kept drifting to the kiss and with every remembrance was me reliving the moment. My body reacted to it like it had only happened seconds ago, not letting go of the feeling it felt at the moment.

***

I hadn't eaten all day and my stomach had started to complain. It ached and kept rumbling at interval. I was about to get up and go fix myself up with something to eat in the kitchen, when Fareedah came out of her room. I stopped in my tracks as I looked up at her with a smile of excitement, she had changed from the nightwear she had on the night before, but was in sweatpants and sweatshirt. Her eyes were really puffy and reddish. I felt my heart skip, and I had a lot of reason in my mind. I didn't know if something had gone wrong with her overnight, or it was about her family, and - the one that scared me the most – if she regretted what had happened the night before. I felt all the excitement of the night before wash away, my chest tightening at the thought of the mere possibility. My heart raced with both worry and fear. "Hey," I said as I walked to her, wanting to ask what was wrong.

"What are you doing here?" she asked in a firm tone, causing me to pause and my fear to become a reality.

I shook the feeling and thought away, reassuring myself that it was definitely an honest question. "I hadn't seen you all day, so I was waiting to see you and maybe we could hangout?" I had said, further pushing it as I added, "And maybe we could discuss what happen between us yes-"

Fareedah didn't let me finish before she quickly said, "Nothing happened yesterday!"

I convinced myself instantly that, she definitely didn't aim to use the tone at which it had come out as, loud and firm.

"Nothing happened yesterday," she said softer, more like she was trying to reassure herself. But then went back to the tone she had used earlier, "Nothing happened yesterday!"

It was like my life source was pulled out of me as I felt my heart sink to my stomach, my stomach becoming uncomfortable by the feeling. "What do you mean we-" I had tried to ask her, but I was way to confused and disappointed to form a complete sentence.

"Leave." Her words were firm and loud, I felt it ripple through me.

I was finding it really hard to understand her or the entire situation, it was like I was in novel and I had walked into a scene I wasn't supposed to be in. I looked at her confused, waiting for her to sort of calm down so we could both walk each other through what was going on, because I was completely lost.

She looked around confused as she muttered to herself, "Ba ni da zunubi (I'm not a sin)."

I wasn't going to lie to myself, she looked like she had lost her sanity at that moment. She looked lost, afraid, and not herself at all. It was like the calm and collected Fareedah I knew never existed but was only a fragment of my imagination.

"Get out!" she shouted as she ruffled her hair, making me quickly rush to my bag to pick up my things and leave. I watched with pain as I walked out of her house, watching her fall to the floor as she began rocking herself, whispering 'Ba ni da zunubi'. I didn't know what it meant, but I wished at that moment that I understood Hausa fluently.

I walked out of her compound having a look of uncertainty on. I used okada (motorcycle) straight to school. The memories of the kiss began to distort in my mind, my anxiety washing it and filling it with disdain. I couldn't bring myself to dislike Fareedah for a second, so I poured it all on myself. I blamed me, I blamed myself for letting myself kiss her back. Why didn't I stop myself from returning the kiss? Why did I let myself live in the moment, and still relive it over and over again?

Being a Sunday, the hostel was pretty scanty. Empty of people who had gone home for the weekend, and those who had gone to church and hadn't returned. When I got to the room, it had only been Inoma who had been there. Her lips spread into a wide smile the moment she saw, but immediately faded away when she saw the look on my face. "Did you guys break up already? Even before the relationship start?"

She didn't know what had happened, but I felt my heart sink at her words that I wanted to simply bury myself in her sheets to cry myself till I could feel no more. I said nothing as I hung my bag and fell on her bed, facing the wall as I let the tears I had been holding in, roll out. I hated myself so much. As I laid there, my mind replaying everything that had happened, and the blame only increased. I disliked myself for approaching Fareedah in the first place. Remembering how she looked on the floor, trying to rock herself into sanity – I guess-, I hated myself even more. If I had never stepped into her life, she would have been happier. I had only brought her pain. I felt my head ache from the crying I was doing, Inoma's pillowcase getting soaked.

"What happened?" Inoma's voice was low and conscious when she asked the question, her hand resting on my shoulder.

I kept silent, not replying her so she could think I was sleeping, even though I very well that she could hear my sobs and sniffles. 

A/N:

I honestly apologize for the short chapter. And, I am sorry to reader 'MacySnow'. I hope you enjoyed the chapter still :).