Celia had been watching Fareedah from afar for a long time, not knowing how to approach her. Until, she finally decides to, only to come to the realization that, there is a lot more to Fareedah than she had been noticing from afar.
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I frowned. Am I really ready to come out to my two best friends on the same day?
"Are we keeping secrets now?" Topher asked, his obodo oyinbo (abroad) accent being conspicuous.
I frowned, shaking my head and not feeling not ready at all. I felt so free, like I could tell him and nothing bad would happen. But also, I owed no one any coming out words or moment. I didn't reply as we kept on walking, slipping into a heavy silence. But, we didn't separate our hands, which meant we hadn't entered the full fight zone.
Inoma had gone quiet, her hands cold. Like, she was scared sort of. But, her face held no emotions as she kept looking straight.
Topher's face looked like nothing had happened at all. And that was what he was fond of doing, acting like he wasn't affected by whatever transpire or transpired between up. But, that always meant he was offended and wasn't happy at all.
My mind was racing. I didn't know if I was scared, but I was panicking kind of. I didn't know if it was right to tell him or if I was strong enough to tell him. Wait! I am strong. I am Celia Davis. So, I cleared my throat and said, "I like women."
They both didn't respond, causing me to feel like a fool after my internal battle and then resolution. I sighed, letting my shoulders fall and causing us to stop a tad far from the entrance opposite the Chapel. "It's not something I feel so strong about being open about. No matter how much I trust you guys and want to share everything about me with you guys, it's just so hard," I said, feeling myself beginning to melt down. It was like I had gone through this whole process in my head, that had gotten me to feel so worn out. "Here, it is not something to be proud of. Because, I apparently have a spiritual problem and is being controlled by something. It's horrific and scary to just open up about something like that." A tear slipped from my left eye, making me want to break down. It was like I began to crumble from within. "I just wake up one day and realize I am attracted to the same gender, it's saddening. After being told the gospel truth all my life, I-" I lost my words, opening and shutting my mouth as my tears began to flow. "I'm an abomination," I finally muttered.
It was the first time I was really letting myself settle and think about my feelings towards Fareedah. How contradicting it was. How illicit it was.
"Oh dear," Topher said, pulling me into a hug. "You are no abomination, Stupid. You are still the angel you are."
I didn't reply him as I hugged him back, resting my head on his firm chest.
"I'll go make our orders and try to get it," Inoma said and excused us, walking to the restaurant.
I stayed on Topher's chest, crying silently, while he rubbed clockwise at my back.
After a while of me simply crying and Inoma not arriving, I stood straight, clearing my throat and cleaning my eyes as I looked around, everywhere seeming so foreign. "So, that's it," I said to Topher. "I'm a lover of women."
