Another Paradise | T Shelby

THIRTY FOUR - A NEW TERM

- 5 YEARS LATER -

Blair never forgave herself for abandoning Charles Shelby. His cries haunted her day and night, closing her eyes and being unable to see anything but the red tear marks on his pale cheeks and his heavy, tired eyes.

She deserved it, knowing that her actions warranted nightmares at the very least, if not more. There were a million and one things Blair wished to say to the child, writing her thoughts down into brown leather bound diaries, one for each of the years that had passed.

Living back in Coventry in a house down the lane from her sister, Blair slowly found herself recalling feelings she remembered after losing Jamie and her unborn child. She felt the emptiness, the loneliness, the hopelessness. She had no purpose anymore, waking up each day with nothing to live for and no reason to keep her eyes open, opting most days to keep them closed for as long as she could.

When her dreams were not haunted, Blair saw the long, hot summer days in the garden with Charles, laughing as they played in the stream together. She saw him grin at her with ice cream on his red lips and freckles on his sun kissed nose. She heard his laugh and his voice telling her how much he loved her, she saw his smile and pools of admiration in his eyes when she said it back to him.

Thomas was in her dreams too, though not nearly as much as Charlie was. He appeared for moments and then was gone, saying less than a few words to her and giving her just about enough of a smile to make her cheeks grow hot before he was gone, leaving her alone once again.

Loss wasn't something that was new to Blair, losing a lover and a child before meant that the grief was painfully familiar. There was something about losing them out of choice rather than fate, though, that somehow made the pain worse.

Blair was unable to connect with anybody since walking out of Thomas and Charlie's lives. She'd declined advances of men in bars and turned down blind dates arranged by her sister, knowing that there was simply no room inside her heart for her to love again.

She had always loved Thomas Shelby, from the moment she set eyes on him, she loved him. When he made her laugh and smile, made her feel wanted, when he made her cry and broke her heart, when he shouted in her face and turned his back on her in the dead of night, she had always loved him, and there would never be a part of her that didn't.

It made Blair wonder how even with a heart and soul full of burning, unconditional love, it was still not enough for a relationship to survive. After everything, still, Blair loved Tommy. She resented him in the same breath and cursed his name when she came across pictures of them together, only to crumble seconds later and hold them to her chest like it was the only thing keeping her alive.

And in a way, the memory of a life she'd once lived with Thomas and his son, their son, was all that was keeping her alive.

It took Kiera four years to help heal her big sister. She'd done it once, remembering all too well how agonising Blair's cries were when she lost Thomas the first time, though the second time around, it was like Blair had nothing left inside of her at all, not even tears.

Kiera helped get her sister a job at the hospital she worked at, something to help pay the bills. The hours were long and she saw how tired Blair was, noticing that there was no inspiration or desire behind her eyes anymore, even though years had passed.

She submitted an application on behalf of Blair for a teaching position at a private school half and hour outside of Coventry, surprised to receive an invitation for an interview just over a week later.

Blair was furious that Kiera had done such a thing without consulting her first, but after attending the interview anyway and walking through the halls of the school, seeing the drawings and books in the classrooms, the chalkboards and the wooden toys, Blair knew the only thing that would give her purpose again was teaching.

That was how Blair found herself writing her name in chalk on a blackboard in early September. The trees outside the window were just about clinging onto their leaves, though the greens of the summer were now rust and orange, dark browns and maple.

The bell sounded throughout the school and soon after, a thundering of hundreds of students filed inside, heading to their classrooms. Although Blair hadn't taught in a school for over seven years, she felt strangely comfortable in front of a room full of nine year olds, like that was exactly where she was supposed to be.

"Good Morning class. I'll be your teacher for this year, my name is Miss O'Hara."

Blair had changed her last name back to O'Hara, though her wedding ring from her marriage to Jamie Kennedy was still kept locked away inside a jewellery box on her dressing table. Her engagement ring from Thomas was kept in a small purple, velvet drawstring bag in the same box, not being able to bare parting with it.

The children took their seats at the rows of desks after hanging their coats and bags up on hooks along the back wall, some of them still chatting amongst themselves while they waited for the class to get settled.

"First things first, I'll take a register so I can start learning all your names. Do we have Oliver Aintree? Charlotte Britton? Lewis Barker?"

A chorus of yes, Miss O'Hara and good morning, Miss O'Hara came from each child as Blair worked her way down the list.

"Cha-" Blair felt her heart rise into her throat as she looked down at the paper in front of her, the hairs on her neck stood up and her entire body felt like it was on fire, "Charles Shelby?"

"Charlie please, Miss O'Hara, not Charles."

Blair swallowed, looking up at where the voice had come from. Part of her hoped that it was just a coincidence, though when she looked across the room at the dark haired child with freckles on his nose from being in the sunshine all summer, rosy cheeks and deep blue eyes, she knew there was no mistake.

"Of course. Charlie it is."

She wasn't sure how she survived the first half of the day, having to look the child she abandoned in the eye when he raised his hand to answer a question or ask her for help.

Somehow, Blair held it together. It took every ounce of strength she had left inside of her to remain professional in her role as a teacher and to not let five lost years of motherhood overcome her in a matter of seconds.

She sat down at her desk at the front of the room with a loud sigh as the children excitedly ran out of the classroom when the bell rang to signal that it was lunch time. The class had been in silence working on a textbook question for the last half an hour and the sudden burst of childish chatter felt like a welcomed break as the school yard outside the window of the classroom slowly filled with the students.

A small cough came from in front of her, causing Blair to look away from the window. Charles Shelby was stood on the other side of the desk, his shoulders cowering inwards and his head slightly low, his eyes looking upwards at her as he fidgeted with his fingers, shifting his weight between his feet.

"It's lunchtime, Charlie. Is there something that you need? Would you like me to help with the work we just did?"

The boy shook his head, his lips parted as he nervously dug deep for the courage to speak.

"Do- do you remember me?"

The five years of work to rebuild a broken soul had all been for nothing as Blair felt each plaster rip from her bones, her entire being falling to pieces instantly.

"Charlie," Blair whispered, trying with all her might to refrain from crying in front of him, "There wasn't a single second that passed that I wasn't thinking about you."