𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐅𝐄𝐂𝐓 𝐏𝐓. 𝟏 ⟆ 𝐒𝐎𝐎𝐁𝐈𝐍 ✓ [ EDITING ]

◜➷ chapter one - 𝙥𝙧𝙚𝙩𝙩𝙮 [ 예쁜 ]

❛ i just wanna be pretty , why can't i ? ❜

soobin sighs softly and inaudibly to himwrfl as he scrolls though all of the comments on their recent music video. there's a pain twisting his stomach up into billions of knots , and it's not the ones that he feels before performing either... it feels as if he's about to get sick.

soobin looks absolutely awful

have his visuals left the chat this year ?

why is soobin's choreo so bad omo ?

i think yeonjun should be the leader

he's not good enough to even be in txt

he's not trying hard enough at all !!

he's so setting the group back what ?!?!

his eyes start burning , vision going slightly blurry due to the hot tears pricking his eyes. a lump forms in his throat and it's suddenly so much harder for soobin to breathe. he feels the same pricking in his heart... just why are moas so harsh on him? is it because it's all true? are they picking on him because he's just not good enough anymore? or... was he ever good enough to begin with?

soobin puts his phone away when there's a soft knock at his door , one that could belong to only one member in this dorm. he gets up from his bed in one swift motion , making sure he doesn't look like a pathetic deflated balloon before opening the door. as he had expected , it's kai , he's hugging one of his plushies tightly to his chest with one arm and holding up some fried chicken to soobin with the other. a warm smile adorns his features , and it makes his heart flutter in a healing manner... almost like ointment had been put on his bleeding wound.

"here soobinie hyung. are you going to sleep soon?" kai asks as his eyes dart around the room , handing soobin the fried chicken as he shakes his head.

"it's just better to be sitting in the dark" soobin answers in a calm tone as kai hums quietly , scanning his face in an almost skeptical manner , tilting his head.

"but you never liked to sit in dark rooms before , hyung" kai points out to soobin as he nods lightly , another excuse stuffed right up his sleeve.

"it's supposed to help with headaches..." he mutters quietly , rubbing the side of his arm awkwardly as kai gasps lightly.

"you're having headaches? why didn't you tell me any sooner? i'll go look for some medicine for you!" he says quickly, clutching his plushie tighter as soobin smiles lightly.

"thanks hyuka" he manages to smile a little before the maknae runs off as if his life depended on it.

soobin chuckles softly as he watches the tall boy running through the small hallway with endearment filling his senses. he decides to close his bedroom door and follow him to the kitchen , munching on a piece of fried chicken. maybe it'll clear his head from the negativity a little if he left his room.

"oh you're not staying in your room hyung?" kai asks as he rummaged through a cupboard near the fridge , soobin shaking his head lightly and swallowing the small bite of fried chicken that was in his mouth.

"it's boring to just sit around and have nothing to do. i'll just sit with you guys , here in the living room" soobin says as he walks over to the couch , noticing beomgyu sitting on it already and focusing on the screen.

"hey hyung. you wanna watch with me?" beomgyu questions sweetly as he glances to the leader with the cutest smile on his face before looking back towards the tv.

soobin only now noticed that it was their concert at lollapalooza. he smiles a small smile before nodding to beomgyu's question , and he watches the other members with huge pride. his eyes focus on how well the other members give their all , how amazing they look on stage. their energy, their charisma, their stage presence, their visuals... they're all perfection.

soobin almost loses appetite once he shows up on screen , his lips pursing and the fried chicken in his hand stopping mid-journey. the knots in his stomach return , but even stronger than before. it's only now that he realizes what moa were speaking of... he's such a disappointment compared to the rest, an anchor pulling them down, a set-back...

"woah , soobin , your face was so handsome that day. it wasn't as puffy as you thought , and it looks even better on camera!" beomgyu exclaims excitedly when he notices the expression on his hyung's face darken , his arm resting on the backrest of the couch and soft eyes intently watching him.

soobin gives his dongsaeng a small smile , dimples just barely showing. he masks all the insecurity gathering up inside him into a huge self-hate ball , just so the rest don't start sugar-coating everything. he knows it's all lies from their pity for him , he knows they mean no harm , but it just makes him feel heavy with the shackles of guilt. all he wants is to be perfect for moa... but how can he do that when he's not even a tiny bit pretty?

❛ i just wanna be pretty , why can't i ? ❜