𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐅𝐄𝐂𝐓 𝐏𝐓. 𝟏 ⟆ 𝐒𝐎𝐎𝐁𝐈𝐍 ✓ [ EDITING ]

◜➷ chapter two - 𝙚𝙛𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙩𝙡𝙚𝙨𝙨𝙡𝙮 [ 여유롭게 ]

❛ i try my best , but it's never enough ❜

curled up tightly in his bed like a sad little cocoon , blanket wrapped tightly around him , soobin stares at beomgyu who continues being his over-caring self per usual. whenever any member gets sick , he will do absolutely anything and everything for them... and it certainly doesn't matter whether he's tired or sick himself. his main focus is still his members' health.

he hands some medicine to soobin who swallows it down with the glass of water that beomgyu had brought to his room for him , grimacing at the bitterness sliding down his throat. it's as if his throat is on fire , and he's unsure what her it's because of the illness or the damn medication. beomgyu grabs the glass away from the ill boy before putting a cold compress to his forehead , dimming the lights slightly as he turns to soobin at the door.

"you need to rest a lot if you wanna recover fast hyung , so don't you dare move even a muscle and try get some sleep while you're at it , okay? your body needs the rest" beomgyu smiles softly towards him as the elder hums quietly , eyes closed tightly so that his member wouldn't see the tears that are building up in his eyes.

he heard the door close softly , and that's when a single tear slowly slides down his pale cheek. looking up at the plainly gray painted ceiling , all alone in the dark room , soobin's heart is filled with a heavy feeling of loneliness. he always loves having time to himself , but why does he feel so alone , so lonely , right now? he knows the rest have practice around this time , so they can't stay with him... yet he's silently wishing someone would step through that door... as if they cared for him.

whether it be yeonjun , beomgyu , taehyun or kai... he really didn't care who it would be that would open that door , he wanted it to be anyone. he just didn't want to feel so alone , so deep in a hole that he can't seem to get out of no matter how hard he tries , a hole he seems to be trapped in completely. hand clamped over his mouth and nose , tightly eyes shut as hot tears stream down his face , soobin lets himself breakdown in this dark room.

nobody is going to walk in

i'm all alone

always have been

and always will...

soobin doesn't even know when he fell asleep , he has no recollection whatsoever , but when he finally wakes up it's paired with yet another pounding headache. he sits up in the bed , stretching as he kicks the covers away. his tired half-open eyes dart over to the clock , it's already 8pm. the others should be back from practice by now.

with that thought in mind , soobin gets up from bed... but this movement was a little too abrupt for his weak state. he winces in pain as his head spins ,  dizziness hitting him harshly yet again. trying to ignore it and not act like a little helpless weakling who can't take care of himself , his feet slowly shuffle towards the door , holding his heavy head. it seems as if the agonizing headache is getting worse with each passing second , his footsteps heaving and more tiring with each step. he's now practically dragging his feet along the floor in the hallway , alerting the member who watches him walk.

"oh soobin-ah... you don't look so good" taehyun says on his way out of his own dorm room as soobin looks to him , scoffing softly.

"who me? i'm okay hyun , so okay that I'm going to practice with you again tomorrow" soobin speaks up , voice still a little weak and raspy and making him curse under his breath.

"hmm.. i don't know soobin hyung. you seem pretty ill to me... if not even worse than a few days ago. why don't you just rest some more and wait until you're fully recovered?" taehyun frowns deeply , his observant eyes watching the elder intently , patting the tall leader's arm.

"i don't want to and don't have to. i just need a good night's sleep tonight , that's all" soobin shrugs as taehyun nods lightly , sighing as he realizes there's no talking soobin out of his decision.

"if you say so... but if you're still this ill tomorrow morning , i won't let you go to practice" taehyun says before walking past the boy and towards the kitchen where the rest are seated.

kai and beomgyu are sitting at the kitchen counter , talking and laughing loudly about something that happened at today's dance practice. seeing their happy smiles and hearing their laughs make soobin feel a little spark in his heart , as if a kick of life. taehyun is leaning beside beomgyu , grabbing a small snack and yeonjun is making some ramen for everyone in the kitchen.

"oh hey soobin-ssi! feeling any better today?" yeonjun questions the boy in a kind tone , looking to him as he nods lightly his head lightly , a stoic expression on his bleek face , sitting beside kai on the stool.

"you don't look so good" kai mutters with a worried look on his face , arm slinging around him and rubbing his arm in a comfort that makes soobin feel emotional.

"i'm fine..." soobin whispers , watching yeonjun pour steaming water from the kettle into the five ramen cups that are played out in a row.

he doesn't look good...

whether he's healthy or not

it doesn't matter

still ugly.

he now looks over to the eldest member who's humming an energetic tune to himself , his feet dancing in a swift motion that comes to him with ease. his is face just as handsome as always , even without makeup on he shines with his beauty. just how does he do it so effortlessly?

❛ i try my best , but it's never enough ❜