𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐅𝐄𝐂𝐓 𝐏𝐓. 𝟏 ⟆ 𝐒𝐎𝐎𝐁𝐈𝐍 ✓ [ EDITING ]

◜➷ chapter seven - 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙣𝙠 𝙮𝙤𝙪 [ 감사합니다 ]

❛ the pain will disappear only if i will ❜

soobin types away on his phone , the city at night bringing a bittersweet feeling to his heart. ever since he became a trainee , life has only been an uphill. sure he was over the moon when he got into the company , but it wasn't as amazing as he thought it would be.

debut and working with his members , of course , was a little light in the dark tunnel he called life , but naive soobin mistook it as hope. it was false hope...

the happiness about debut and being an idol only lasted a bit and sizzled away when he was slapped with the harshness of an idol's life. everyday was a challenge in itself , each one more unbearable than the other. if it's not crazy diets , then it's hurtful hate comments , and the anxiety that sasaengs bring and getting judged for every single little thing you do on social media. it's as if he was living in an endless nightmare that has no escape , all eyes boring into him as if he's constantly on display.

he's thankful for his members... his family... the opportunities he's had. but none of them made his life any better... it's like he's stuck in a huge deep hole with steep walls the he cannot climb out of. no matter how much he climbs , scratches... he slides back down to the bottom. he knows he dug it out himself... maybe that's why he didn't utter a word , reach out for help. but no matter how much they love him , he still feels empty , alone and useless.

he can't be dependent on them for the rest of his life like a burden stuck to them. why keep on living if he's never going to get better , and only hurt them? he's been nothing but a problem , someone holding them back , someone being much too demanding , someone who's in constant need or else he's empty... and who wants someone like that?

feet dragging heavily along , dragging him along to the high and somehow quite intimidating bridge that will finish it all. he's dreamt of this for so long , but now that's he's here... he feels a pinch of guilt. he smiles through his tears , a broken sob escaping his mouth as he whispers to himself under his breath.

it's almost over...

i'll be free soon

whatever it was

that shackled his misery to him

it'll break away , with this one step

soobin finishes off the last line of the letters he has written in his notes , this one being for kai. he definitely wouldn't leave them all without a last goodbye , not to their face... it'd be too much , but he would feel the need to go back if he didn't. this way... there's no looking back , there's just one way to go , and that's down. he drops his phone to the ground , hearing the impact of it before taking in a deep quivering breath.

he climbs onto the edge , looking over to the waters as his tears join the vast dark waters. the cold winter breeze nips at his wet cheeks , causing him to shiver.

only a little bit now soobin , just jump

he takes a while to enjoy the freezing breeze , the last few breaths seperating him from his freedom. with no hesitation left in his system , his feet lightly push off the railing , pushing any fear he can feel in the pit of his heart.

his body crashes into the cold water of the river , and he closes his eyes shut , letting himself slowly sink deeper and deeper into the dark depths of the river. he doesn't even fight , not even a bit. he enjoys the way the water envelops him in a coldness that's certainly familiar , his hair tickling his face as if floats around it.

he opens his eyes , the waters just as dark , cold and lonely as they feel... almost as if reflecting his soul to him. despite the growing pressure in his chest , the intense burning feeling at the lack of oxygen , he smiles... he can finally let go of his miserable life and for that he mutters a small and weak thank you.