𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐅𝐄𝐂𝐓 𝐏𝐓. 𝟏 ⟆ 𝐒𝐎𝐎𝐁𝐈𝐍 ✓ [ EDITING ]

◜➷ chapter six - 𝙘𝙖𝙣𝙘𝙚𝙡 [ 영원 ]

❛ it's a favor for both you and me ❜

"why do you want to know so bad?!" soobin yells defensively , feeling overwhelmed with emotions , yeonjun going on his tippy-toes and continuing his mission of trying to retrieve the leader's phone from his hand.

"because you're yelling at me! it's obvious you're hiding something then!" yeonjun yells back as soobin only shakes his head , putting the phone up even higher so that it's way out of yeonjun's reach.

he makes sure to hold it so that the screen isn't visible to the elder , he doesn't want him to know what has been writing in his notes. he'd think he's completely lost his mind , or that he's exaggerating. or in the best case , he'd think it's just some unfinished lyrics for a future comeback...

"you're the one yelling at me so i'm yelling back!" soobin's voice cracks as yeonjun's facial expression changes , brows furrowing in huge worry for the younger boy.

the leader's phone buzzes as they both look up , soobin gulping silently as his eyes flicker between the elder and the door. he has already prepared everything weeks ago... he can't let this opportunity slip away.

on second thought , his hyung's eyes break his heart. the way yeonjun is looking up at him with tears welling in his fox-shaped eyes makes soobin feel like the worst person to breathe in this whole entire world. why does he feel such guilt clawing at his heart? why does he feel as if his own blood is filling up his lungs and suffocating him with his own resentment?

soobin , you're so selfish...

"kill myself?" yeonjun asks , voice shaking with emotion as soobin hides his phone in the comfort of his hoodie pocket , switching it off quickly and feeling his breath catch in his throat.

"it's not serious or anything..." soobin mumbles as yeonjun laughs , looking away , a single tear rolling down his cheek as his lip quivers.

"when did you start having these thoughts soobin?" yeonjun questions as soobin's heart stops , feeling completely exposed and targeted because of the way yeonjun looks at him with tearful eyes.

"i don't know what you're talking about" soobin states , hand turning into a fist inside his hoodie pocket as he tries to swallow the growing lump in his throat , eyes burning with tears of his own.

"then what was that fucking notification? it can't be nothing , so don't lie and play dumb right to my face soobin!" yeonjun raises his voice at the broken boy who flinches , eyes shutting tightly as he feels hot tears rolling down his cheeks.

"yeonjun hyung , don't yell at me!" soobin breaks down as the elder blinks at the taller boy , guilt flooding over thr two of them in this very moment.

yeonjun embraces the trembling boy , letting him cry into his shoulder , petting his hair lightly. soobin burries his face in his shoulder , unable to stop the way he's shaking in an uncontrollable way. shame , guilt and misery flood his senses as he attempts to calm down , clutching onto yeonjun as if he's his lifeline.

after a good ten minutes of breaking down , soobin finally manages to ease his sobs and trembles , wiping his wet cheeks embarrassed before looking to his elder. he can't help but feel a stab in his own heart with the way yeonjun looks at him. he shouldn't have broken down , he shouldn't have had his phone out... he should've just went and done it...

maybe i wouldn't feel so guilty then...

"i'm so sorry soobin..." yeonjun whispers quietly , his voice quivering with emotion , soobin nodding lightly as he tries to fight the urge to just spill everything to him right there and then.

"it's okay... i'm... i'm going to the store to buy some ice cream. want some too?" soobin answers , putting his hands back in his hoodie and gripping his phone tightly.

"sure , mint chocolate would be nice..." yeonjun says , and soobin can sense the extreme guilt radiating off his hyung.

great job soobin...

not only did you make him guilty

you're lying to him before leaving for good

soobin walks past yeonjun despite his gut screaming at him to hug him tightly and apologize for everything , for acting so rash , for all the things that had happened in the past two years. he's made his group's life hell , thinking only about himself.

sure he was hurt , sure he felt terrible... but he made them feel so too by not doing this earlier. he's burdened them with his very existence , with his constant clinginess and mood swings and obsessions to strive towards perfection while all he managed to do was mess up and let them all down.

soobin takes his phone out as he steps out of the building , air bitterly cold. he looks down to check the time , smiling bitterly to himself once he notices it's almost nine. the plan he has made , the plan that had been on his mind ever since a few months back... it's creeping closer and closer , and he's not going to cancel.