𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐅𝐄𝐂𝐓 𝐏𝐓. 𝟏 ⟆ 𝐒𝐎𝐎𝐁𝐈𝐍 ✓ [ EDITING ]

◜➷ chapter three - 𝙧𝙚𝙨𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙢𝙚𝙣𝙩 [ 분개 ]

❛ don't you notice my pain at all ? ❜

"no no , try it again soobin" his manager states , pinching the bridge of his nose in disappointment as soobin nods , swallowing down a nervous lump.

soobin's eyes burn with tears that he blinks back , the all too familiar lump forming in his throat gradually again , hands in fists and sweating like crazy in the recording booth. he hates himself so much in the moment , and the fact he can't even sing a simple line. he's had to repeat the same line over and over because he can't reach the high note , in other words , he's the worst member they could've chosen for this line. he's sure taehyun would do much better for this...

he's still not fully recovered from his cold... but that's no excuse to not be able to sing. after all , he's been training for so long , he should be able to do so in his sleep. soobin tries again , voice shaking slightly at the way his manager's eyes are piercing right through him. not only that , his posture is really making soobin more anxious than he already is , throat feeling scratchy all over again. he takes a small calming breath , listening to the music before trying again. eyes closed , soobin tries his best. but again , instead of a flawless high note , a voice crack resonates through the headphones.

"okay that's enough for today soobin , i have no idea what kind of joke this is but it's not even slightly funny. get out!" his manager says raising his voice as soobin flinches slightly , shoulders slumping as he takes off the headphones before walking out of the recording booth.

he can see the way all the staff in the room stare at him , all those eyes directed at him. some filled with disappointment , some filled with annoyance , some filled with rage , and some filled with pity. none of those looks make him feel any better , in fact , as he steps out of the room , he feels his whole body tremble. he's breaking out in a cold sweat , throat constricting.

"everything okay?" beomgyu questions , picking up on the boy's body language in an instant and frowning in a concerned manner.

"i bet you did an amazing job soobin , not a surprise either! we have the best leader after all!" kai smiles sweetly , not knowing how much that hurt the poor leader's bruised heart.

"ah but don't worry , soobin. if you couldn't record it properly today , it can always be done when you're better. the comeback can be postponed. you're ill , they won't be angry with you" yeonjun says as soobin swallow his tears back , not entirely convinced with the elder's words.

"guess you're right..." he says quietly , walking towards the bathrooms as the rest just watch him leave silently , exchanging a few confused glances.

soobin locks himself up in one of the big stalls , quiet and broken sobs escaping his lips. his chest feels as if it's burning , the same sensation bubbling up in his throat too. and why does his heart feel as if it's getting squeezed by thorns? he hugs his knees to his chest , chin resting atop them as his shaky hands slowly reach for his messy hair.

i feel miserable

i feel lonely

i feel guilty

i feel ugly

i feel useless

what if someone hears his breakdown? would he want someone to hear such a thing? would they even care if they heard just in how much pain he is in? yeah... they probably wouldn't even pay him a thought. who would? after all , he's useless and unimportant.

thinking back to what happened with his manager , soobin's chest burns even more. why was he so apathetic with him? beomgyu had told him all about his pesky cold , and the manager even bought medication for him. then why couldn't he understand? nobody understands , nobody even notices... and that makes his heart bleed heavily with resentment.

❛ don't you notice my pain at all ? ❜