𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐅𝐄𝐂𝐓 𝐏𝐓. 𝟏 ⟆ 𝐒𝐎𝐎𝐁𝐈𝐍 ✓ [ EDITING ]

◜➷ chapter five - 𝙚𝙢𝙥𝙩𝙮 [ 비우다 ]

❛ life has become so exhausting ❜

soobin opens his heavy eyes , his vision slowly adjusting to his own dimly lit room. the air seems much colder than usual , it's probably just the open window that's rattling quietly to his right , or the heating that's been recently turned off. but why does it also feel like a mental coldness?

soobin sits up dizzily , counting to ten , just so he's not standing up to early before getting up from his bed. his bare feet patter across the wooden planks to the door , and the very second he reaches out for the handle , the door opens and he bumps right into kai who was just entering his room.

"hey hyung! why are you up? you're supposed to be resting!" kai whines loudly as he grabs his wrist and drags him to his bed , a pout on his lips.

soobin lets himself get dragged , too tired to even start a fight with the maknae. he also kind of wants someone to take care of him... despite him seeming like he wants to be left alone. after all , it was just last week that kai and beomgyu made his soul feel so warm... he wants to feel that again , he wants all that coldness that's weighing his soul down to just melt away.

"so hyung , are you hungry? i'll get you something to eat" kai asks as he tucks the taller boy in , and soobin shakes his head , eyes wide and pleading.

"please don't leave" soobin croaks out desperately , throat burning from the lump that he has developed in his throat yet again , tears stinging his eyes.

"oh but hyung wait , i'll get you food and then i'll be back don't worry okay? then you can sleep too and-" kai gets cut off by soobin shaking his head , pulling on his sleeve.

"don't leave... please stay kai..." soobin speaks weakly as kai's expression changes into a much softer one , holding up one finger before dashing out of the room.

soobin puts the cover up to his face , muffling out the sound of his soft crying. maybe it's a mixture of both hurt and embarrassment? why did he have to act like that in front of him? he's like a baby. kai waddled back into the room with a huge blanket and some plushies. he closes the door softly , making it click , soobin peeking out from under the covers with puffy eyes.

kai plops down beside him , throwing the blanket over the two of them and then slipping under the cover. his arms along around his hyung , his warmth instantly drying any tears that stuck around in soobin's eyes.

"i figured it was a little chilly in here..." he whispers before nuzzling up to the elder who's heart starts pounding.

what is this feeling?

i felt it that week too...

but what is it called?

it's been a while since he felt so... but it feels just as comforting as the last. though... this time round , something dark consumes his thoughts , and it brings a sickening feeling to the pit of his stomach.

soobin doesn't even know when , but he fell asleep after a round of nightmares. nightmares of being a failure , nightmares of his member's and family's disappointment , nightmares of his manager's rage... all of these kept him up until god knows how late.

he looks to the side and notices a derpy little molang staring at him instead of kai who's gone already. a pang of sadness washes over him as he reaches out for the plushie , hugging it tightly. why is he feeling so lonely lately? he's seriously so pathetic , even a child can act better on its own than him...

when did i become so dependent?

when did i become so weak?

when did i become so useless?

when did i become so... broken?

soobin swallows harshly , wiping away some stray tears that have rolled down his face before sitting up at the edge of the bed , molang resting snuggly on his laps. despite feeling the warmth of kai's care before , all of it washed away when he woke up. just why is he feeling so empty?