Book 4: When I'm In Need

Chapter 11: God Help Us All

I decided I needed a day all about myself—so much drama, so much that I needed to work out with the family.

Liam seemed pleased at the thought of me heading out, and enjoying myself, especially when we are going to tour America next month.

I had already bought almost an entirely new wardrobe and was walking back to the car when I saw him.

The 'him' that I haven't seen since the night I first slept with Noel at the Valley Festival. The 'him' that I have felt incredibly ashamed at the fact that I never contacted him after that night. And yes, I am talking about Damon.

Hoping he didn't notice me, he then looked right at me, his smile falling from his face instantly. I couldn't escape this now.

I started to walk over to him, as he just stared at me, probably wishing he could disappear at this moment. "Hey..." I said, feeling quite nervous.

"Hi..." was all I could get out of him.

"Can we talk? Somewhere a bit more private?" I suggested. He simply nodded.

We found a cafe, and chose to eat there.

"Okay, to start off. I'm sorry". I started.

He sighed, "I don't think you understand the pain you caused me that night..."

I looked at him confused, "that night?..." I was just apologising for being a crappy friend in general.

"The night of the Valley festival. The night you left me, and the whole Blur family, to be with Noel".

Okay, that makes a lot of sense. A lot of sense and I can understand why he is upset with me, oh well I thought I knew why. "I am so sorry. Are you upset because I am a terrible friend, or because it was a Gallagher I left for?"

"Both... and another reason. I was, and still am, in love with you. After our performance, you were supposed to come back, and I had planned to ask you out. When you hadn't made it back, I sent Alex, who of course was far from sober, to come find where you had gone. That is when he saw you kissing Noel, and he ran back to tell me. You absolutely broke me. And of course, I can't expect you to date me or anything, but it would have been nice if you told me. I wouldn't have minded if you were just honest".

I felt so horrible about my actions, but then again, all my actions in the 90s were big mistakes. Mistakes that ruined my life again and again. And here is another one that I could never take back. More importantly a mistake and a poor decision that hurt Damon so much. Someone who became my family. He never needed to even speak to me, he never needed to care about my problems with my family but he did. I am forever grateful for that.

"But, either way, I have moved on since then. I don't want to dwell on the past anymore. We've all made mistakes. Although I do always feel guilty for what I did to Liam and Noel in America when we were on tour. I don't know if you tagged along or not though. Do you remember?" He said.

I looked at Damon in confusion. "Wait, what did you do?"

"Uh, it was 1994 I believe, we were in San Francisco at the time, do you remember that?" He asked.

I nodded, "yeah I do remember that. I was very pregnant at the time, so I spent most of my time on the tour resting in the hotel room. I had no idea you guys were there too. I do remember Liam and Noel coming home from a radio interview with bruises, and each had a black eye. Noel said they had gotten into a fight as they left the radio station. So scary for me". I replied, thinking about that tough time in my life.

Damon let out a deep sigh, "I'm ashamed to say it, but I was at fault for that. That radio interview was for both us and Oasis. We got along fine in the interview, genuinely well-behaved for once. It was afterward, both Liam AND Noel taunted me, blaming me for why you left me that night and saying things like "another thing that shows how cooler we are then you". I snapped. I was still SO in love with you at that time. The pain from losing you was so fresh. But I am sorry".

I was in shock. Damon did that? Caused a very pregnant much more stress that I didn't need. I think this conversation is over. "You caused me extra stress on that tour, added with all the other things that happened, and when I fainted, one of my children didn't make it. One less thing to go wrong would have been amazing. But yeah, you're right, the past is over. So, now is my time to leave. Goodbye Damon". I said and left immediately. I needed to return to a certain someone for a much-needed "talk".

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lol this has been sitting in my drafts for weeks but i finished it, so here you are. hope you enjoy :)