Dazzled by Flames (Flames Series #3)

Chapter 32

TW: Physical and Sexual Abuse. This chapter is highly sensitive and not appropriate for some readers, you may skip this part.

Lost

Napakurap ako matapos ang matagal kong pagtitig sa puting dingding. Hindi ako makagalaw dahil sa labis na panghihina. I have dried tears on my cheeks, too, and I'm sure I look disgusting now.

Disgusting.

That's what I am now. I'm fucking awful. Nakakadiri. Marumi.

I'm disgusting and I can't do anything about it. Gusto ko rin makaalis pero wala akong magawa. Ano bang kaya kong gawin? Wala. Kaya nga ako nandito. I failed to protect myself because I was so easily fooled.

Bumaba ang tingin ko sa katawan kong balot sa kumot. Pumikit ako at sa ginawa, naramdaman kong pumatak na naman ang panibagong luha.

Isa. No. Dalawang araw na pero hanggang ngayon, nandito pa rin ako. Hindi ako makaalis. No one is also coming to save me. I know Vixen will, but how long should I wait? Hanggang sa hindi ko na ba kaya? But I'm losing hope now. Hindi ko alam kung kakayanin ko pa kapag naulit.

My shoulders began to shake as my tears kept on pouring. Paulit-ulit sa utak ko lahat ng ginawa niya. The places he touched. The things he did. His eyes when he did all that without hesitation. My cries for help... of begging him to stop but he didn't.

I covered my ears and shut my eyes tightly. Maybe in this way, all those memories will fade like they never happened. But then they won't just go away. They're carved deep into me already that no one, not even myself, can do anything about it. Hindi na mabubura dahil hindi lang naman sa mga alaala ko nakaukit. Sa buong pagkatao ko na. And the only way to erase them is to erase the whole of me.

"Stop..." pakiusap ko sa kung sino.

Baka may nakikinig. Maybe He's listening. He didn't when I was begging last night and the night before that. Maybe now, He will.

Will You? If You are, please save me or... or maybe just take those memories away. Please let this be a nightmare that I just need to wake up from to be able to escape.

Umangat ang ulo ko noong marinig ko ang pagbukas ng pinto.

Sumiklab ang labis na galit at takot sa dibdib ko. Galit dahil sa mga ginawa niya. Never in my life I wished someone to die. Ngayon lang. I'll kill him if I have a chance to. I want him to suffer the way I did. I want to see him lose breath. But at the same time, I'm in so much fear. Takot dahil baka may mas malala siyang gawin. Takot dahil alam kong kayang-kaya niya akong saktan. Takot dahil baka hindi ko na makita si Vixen, the only man who truly loves me. Hindi naman puwedeng mawala na lang ako bigla sa kaniya. Masasaktan siya. I don't want that.

Nagsunod-sunod pa ang pagpatak ng mga luha ko. Mas dumami rin. I can't even see him clearly now because of too much tears.

God... please help me. Baka hindi ko na kayanin pagkatapos nito.

"I'm sorry natagalan ang pagligo ko," aniya.

I gritted my teeth. Suminghap ako at sinubukang gumalaw para makalayo sa kaniya pero hindi ko magawa. He gave me another dose of the drug a while ago. Labis na naman ang panghihina ko dahil doon.

"Please... G-gusto ko nang umuwi," my voice was weak.

His gaze at me darkened. Hindi nagustuhan ang sinabi ko.

Napaurong ako. Nanginginig ang buong katawan ko sa takot. Humugot ako ng malalim na hininga para mapakalma ang sarili ko pero wala iyong naging epekto.

"Umuwi sa boyfriend mo?"

Napasinghap ako noong humakbang siya papalapit sa akin. Umupo siya sa kama habang masama pa rin ang tingin sa akin.