I hop on the elevator and press the floor number i needed before leaning against the wall. These check ups aren't always so bad anymore. Once i get to talking sometimes, i just cant stop. Bruce knows more about me then i do about myself. I step out of the elevator and turn right.
"Hey Bruce so i have a theory, oh yall are still at it?" I say as i look up, walking into the lab only to see Tony and Bruce still working on a secret project evolving the scepter. I sigh and continue "Haven't yall been at this for days, you probably should think about taking a break eventually, you know, its good for the brain and you have a party and like an hour." Tony waves me off while Bruce smiles at me.
"Is there something you needed?" Bruce says walking over to me with paperwork. I give him a confused look before biting my lip.
"Umm its check up time?" I say quietly "But we can totally skip it for today. I mean I've been doing fine so i think i can be good for this week." He looks over at me with wide eyes before looking at the time and rubs his eyes. He's tired. Even i could see it from a mile away and the last thing i want to do now is to pile all of my issues on to him.
"No, no. Its fine, i think I'm done for the day anyways." Bruce says while placing his stuff down and taking his lab coat off. I wave my hands around and shake my head.
"No seriously why don't you go up and get some rest and we can just talk in the morning." I offer up trying my best to get out of today.
"Why don't you walk with me?" He suggests while waving to tony and leading me by the elbow to the elevator. I sigh and say bye to tony and following with him quietly.
"So what's up? How have you been, uh feeling, i guess?" Bruce says while placing his hands in his pockets and walking slowly beside me.
"I've been. Fine i guess. The other day was a hard day. I mean with everything that was happening. All the emotions. I still haven't figured out how to block them out fully. I kinda just." I stop trying to figure out how i felt.
"Shut down." He says voicing my thoughts. I look down and nod. "I told you that's not good for you. Shutting down, its like a set back for you. You need to be honest when it happens that way we can help." I shake my head playing with my hair.
"No because the last thing i need is people tip toeing around me again." I say as we both step into the elevator.
"Have you had anymore progress with healing yourself." He questions pressing the floor number. I sigh and shake my head.
"Not much. I mean yeah, papercuts. Knife slices. Nothing huge." I tell him picking at my fingers. We both exit when the doors open and walking down to our rooms.
"Well tomorrow well do a full exam okay. Start testing how much you can heal without actually hurting yourself." He tells me pointing his finger at me "10 am, no skipping " He says before turning down the hall to the right. I smile and wave while heading straight. I unlock my door and head straight to the shower. After the quickest shower of my life, i throw a robe on and brush my hair.
"Come in" I shout when i hear someone knock at my door.
"You know that's dangerous, leaving the door unlocked like that." Natasha says while passing the bathroom. I giggle and shake my head, only like seven people have access to this floor. What harm could happen. She comes into the bathroom with a hefty looking bag of makeup, and sets it on the counter and begins to unpack it.
"Ready to get dolled up." She says looking over at me through the mirror.
I give her an uneasy look and say "I think ill skip all that" She glares at me before placing her hands on the counter.
"Why? You usually love all this." She says before shaking her head at me and goes back to unpacking. I sigh before sitting down at the stool i brought in here.
"I'm not looking to impress anybody, besides I'm just not feeling it." I say while brush the ends of my hair. She smirks at me before coming over to me. She gestures me to turn to the mirror and takes the brush from me.
"What about Sam? I thought he was coming." Nat says. I glare at her through the mirror and shake my head. "You still havent told him, have you?" She asks while combing through my hair. I bite my lip and shake my head slightly, looking down. She smiles softly at me and continues "You know you need to, right? I though you two were getting closer?"
I nod while picking at my nails. She looks at me for a while before nodding and goes back to brushing.
"Hey Nat." I ask looking up to her then back down.
"Yes?" She says placing the brush down on the counter and walks over to the makeup.
"Do you, Do you think that if you all didn't turn up at the right time, That i may have turned out like them? You know scary, dangerous?" I ask picking my nails. I hear her sigh before coming over to me. She bends down in front of me and places her hands on my knees.
"We would have never let that happen, not to you. Even if you were to far gone and trying to kill us. We wouldn't just give up on you, ever. Okay. " She says placing her hand on my cheek. I look up at her and nod. She pats my cheek before standing up straight "Now, lets get prettier."
*****************
I let out a nervous sigh and wipe my palms on my pants. Nat tried and tried to get me to wear a dress but after enough arguing she let me have my way, as long as she could do more with my eyes.
I walk out once the elevators doors open and smile. The music was full blast with some popular song and the people were, well everywhere. I look around wide eyed. Crowds were definitely something I've had to learn how to deal with since living with tony. I usually just hide in some random corner but Nat said i needed to mingle a little.
I smile to random people i pass and head over to the couches when i hear my name being called. I look to my right and smile wider when i see Steve waving me over. He pulls me into a hug when i get to him and squeezes me tight.
"You look beautiful." He says before looking over my shoulder then back to me. I smile and thank him before looking behind me to see Sam standing next to the pool table. His eyes make there way to my face from my feet and he smiles wide. I blush ever so slightly and walk into his open arms. Sam and me got real close last year, before everything went south for me i guess. He knows i was kidnapped by hydra, obviously i cant keep that away from him but my new recent changes however, i decided to keep that to myself. I practically moved into Sam's house when i got back, he never wanted me out of his sight, not that i wanted to be but i needed to get back to reality, back to work, back to before. So after a lot of convincing, him or myself ill never actually know, and promises of daily check ins, i made the leap. So i packed my small amount of things and went back to my apartment. Which didn't last long, seeing as i couldn't stand to be alone for more then five seconds. I was falling asleep at work, eating was never a main thought and work became priority. It kept my mind away from things i didn't want to think about.
Everyone noticed that i was skinner and literally dragged me to a meeting room for an intervention. I was looked over by Bruce and Tony ordered all my favorite foods, Nat even sat with me and put on all my favorite films. I remember crying, the ideal that all this people cared for me so much to notice little things about me, was a new concept for me. I fell asleep peacefully that day, on the couch, with these amazing people around me. They made me feel safe. Safer.
"So which one of you am i gonna take down first?" I say placing my drink down and grabbing a pool stick before leaning smugly against the wall. They laugh before giving a questioning look at each other.
YOU ARE READING
Alexithymia (Avengers : Age Of Ultron)
ספרות חובביםI was always taught to take things day by day. Piece by Piece. Somedays that can seem impossible, but with them, nothing is. As long as we just stick Together.
