After a very entertaining couple rounds of pool and a walk around the room, tony dragged me around of course, i have decided that my social awkwardly self deserved the rest. I sluggishly walk over to the center of the room, to the couch. Clint smiles fondly at me and opens his arms out to me, to which i place my drink down and crash into him. After getting comfortable laying on him, i lean down and pull off my shoes.
"Oh tapping out already?" Nat says from the couch next to us. I stick my tongue out at her and chug my drink.
"Whoa tiger, slow down." Clint says pulling the cup out of my hand and places it on the table to my right.
"Hey i can handle myself, besides I've had 5 of these things and yet i feel absolutely nothing." I say while moving off of Clint to the other end of the couch, facing them, and place my feet in his lap, crossing my arms.
"That's probably because i told tony to make sure that the bartenders don't serve you any alcohol." Nat says smugly while sipping her pink drink. I look at her in anger and in shock.
"You did what!?" I sit up and look at her in disbelief before looking over to Clint, who just throws his hands up at me before looking anywhere but me. "Why? Why would you do that? I am sorry if you don't know this but i'm definitely over 21." She gives me a look before sighing.
"And i don't know if you know this, but you just had a major panic attack not but a couple of days ago. I'm sorry to tell you this but alcohol and panic attacks don't mix well. Sam is the one who suggested it, seeing as he was one of the only people that you told about said panic attack, thank you for that by the way. Besides Bruce agreed that it would be better if you just had a relaxing night." I look up in shock as she tells me this calmly. Sam? I look over at where he is standing, I shake my head in anger and look away. So they decide this without talking to me, seeing what i thought about this? No they just decide to cut me off. Its not that i care about the alcohol, its the fact they couldn't have just talked to me about this. Yes i should have told them about what happened but still.
"If you wanted me to be relaxed you shouldn't have taken away my drinks away." I say before getting up and stomping away, without my shoes of course. I walk up to the bar and sigh, i lean up against the counter. Deciding that there was no point in drinking now, i order an apple juice and pretzels. I hear footsteps coming up toward me but continue to munch on my pretzels.
"Party boring you?" I hear Steve ask to my left. I take a large gulp of my drink before turning to look at him.
"Did you know?" I ask looking at the drink in his hand before looking back up to his eyes. He looked down at me with his puppy eyes and a sad look on his face. I scoff and turn, leaning my back against the bar.
"He cares about you, you know? He is just trying to look out for you." Steve says shrugging his head over to Sam. I bite my lip before looking down.
"He wasn't suppose to even tell you guys. I told him in private. How am i ever gonna trust him with anything again?" I ask shifting my gaze to Steve. He smiles softy at me.
"He told us because he was worried about you. I think that is saying something. He knew you would be angry but you being okay, being healthy was more important then anything, even if that meant losing your trust." I look over at Steve as he is saying this.
"I had a nightmare, and then i woke up, you think i would have felt better knowing i was safe, but no, turns out i was still in the nightmare. It scared me because i thought it would never end. Then i finally woke up, like really woke up and i." I bite my lip and play with my fingers. "It was like i suddenly couldn't breathe, i couldn't move, i couldn't do anything. I grab my phone and i hit the first button on speed dial and Sam answered. He got me to calm down, to breathe again." I turn to look up at him with watery eyes only to see him looking at me with a sad look. I shrug before grabbing my drink.
"You could have told me. You could have told all of us. You know we all love you, right?" Steve says reaching out to grab my hand. I smile up towards him and squeeze his hand.
"I know and i love that you all care about me. I'm just tired of feeling like this. Like i'm in a constant bubble that's just waiting to be popped. Yall look at me with pity,. So i just. " I pause and sigh " Im sorry. I know."
He puts his arm around me and pats my arm. I lean into him and look around the room.
"Its not that i'm upset that yall kept me from drinking, its the fact that yall didn't tell me. You just hide it from me, when we could have just talked. You guys expect me to tell you everything but yall dont tell me everything." I say sipping my drink.
"I argued a lot with them when they told me not to say anything, trust is a big thing with us but you know we are only looking out for you kiddo." Steve says making me smile softly. I nod and nudge him a bit. The big old softy. He pats my head lightly before leaving my side to mingle. I bite my lip, okay no I'm not totally mad at them anymore but the sting is still there, so i decide it best to stay alone. As i'm people watching and munching on my pretzel. I see a familiar figure approach me from my right.
"You ever gonna talk to me again tonight? I mean you said you were gonna mingle but you went around the room in under thirty minutes and then i see you hiding over here. One can only assume you are avoiding me." Sam says quietly while sitting down next to me. I hear him order another drink before he turns back to me and tries to reach for one of my pretzel, to which i pull the bowl away. "Ouch, so you are avoiding me." I hear him say.
I scoff and place my elbows on the bar counter. I feel his stare on the side of my face., but yet he doesn't say anything else, he just waits for me to talk.
"You told them." That's all i say because that's all there needs to be said. That's all it will take for him to know, that i'm upset, that i'm hurt. I hear him sigh and i see him turn to the crowd leaning his back on the bar. I lean my head forward and stare at the bar counter.
"What did you expect me to do Jules? You call me late in the night, practically crying, cant breathe, having the worst panic attack i've ever heard from you. I was scared, worried in fact. It took everything in me not to just jump on a plane to you. You told me how you had sessions with banner, so i took a step, i told him because i thought it should be something he should know, so i'm sorry if your mad at me because you didn't get to drink your feelings away with alcohol but i was trying to do what i thought was best." He takes a deep breaths while looking at me. I look over to him in shock.
"Okay first off i wasn't planning on getting drunk, Secondly what about what i think is best. Why doesn't anybody care to ask me what i think? Lastly i wasn't mad at you about the stupid alcohol, who care about the alcohol, you know i barely drink as it is." I whisper shout turning to face him fully.
"If you aren't mad about the alcohol, what are you even mad at?" He asks confused. I shake my head and scoff again.
"I mad because i trusted you. I ask you not to tell anybody and yet here we are, back in the bubble. People wanting to walk on egg shells around me. Scared that i'm gonna blow." I say to him in sadness. I told him countless times how i felt and for him to just spill it in a day, hurts like hell. I mean what else has he told them?
"I'm sorry. I was just doing what i thought was best for you." He says look at me with a sad look. I shake my head and stand up.
"Maybe you should have asked me what i thought about it first." I say before walking away from him.
YOU ARE READING
Alexithymia (Avengers : Age Of Ultron)
FanfictionI was always taught to take things day by day. Piece by Piece. Somedays that can seem impossible, but with them, nothing is. As long as we just stick Together.
