Statehouse Rules

Rule 10: Do Not Lock States Out of the Meeting Room

Today was supposed to be a Midwestern meeting. Which means Missouri was supposed to be sitting around, passing a bottle of ranch back and forth while discussing corn growth. Would Gov want them to discuss this? Of course not. But they'd do it anyway because it was more fun than talking about taxes.

Honestly, Missouri wouldn't mind talking about taxes right now. As long as it meant he was inside the meeting room with the others. Because right now he's just sitting on the ground outside of it. His shoulder aching from trying to break in the door with it.

He reached up and jiggled the handle again. Still locked like it was when he arrived a few minutes ago. And he couldn't just pop in because he used all his energy popping to and from his state and the statehouse.

Missouri's stomach rumbled. Right, food. The whole reason he was in this mess too. Apparently not liking ranch means he's not a true Midwesterner. So the others had to bar him from the meeting. They had threatened to do it last night at dinner. But Missouri didn't think they were actually serious!

A quick glance at his watch showed Missouri he had been sitting outside the meeting room door for 20 minutes. The corn argument inside was still going as strong as when it started. So it likely wouldn't end for another 30 at the least. Then there's the obligatory follow up arguments that always happen. So Missouri could be trapped out of the meeting room for well over an hour and half more.

He supposes technically he could just walk off and do something. But he's still too drained from his travel to move from his spot. Maybe a nap? Right here on the floor. Georgia does it all the time, maybe he's on to something.

"The hell you doing Mis'ry?"

Missouri looked up from his knees. Oh, South Carolina. How nice. "I got locked out of the meeting room."

South Carolina looked between Missouri and the meeting room door. "Any reason why?"

"'Cause I don't like ranch."

"Hmm. Sounds stupid on both yer sides." South Carolina looked Missouri over again. He had put his head back in his knees and shushed his stomach as it rumbled again. It gave South Carolina a thought. "You like BBQ though, right?"

"I love it." Missouri mumbled into his knees.

The next second South Carolina was grabbing him by the arm and dragging him to his feet. Even forcing Missouri down the hallway and out to the backyard. "Come on then nerd. We're grillin' outside. And you sound like you could use a bite."

----

Gov popped into the meeting room. It was time for him to get the meeting recap from the regional meeting. He already took two Advil, so he's prepared for arguments that may arise. Or have already arisen. The later was more likely.

Around the table the Midwestern states were once again arguing about corn. Though it's different this time because apparently they actually brought corn to compare. If only they brought the paperwork needed for the meeting.

Michigan, as region leader, had managed to get a few states to at least cooperate on the same side of the argument. But as usual, Ohio had to be on the opposite side, even though it sounded like he actually agreed with a few points that Michigan had. South Dakota kept him in line though. Kept him true to their side of the argument.

Gov only wishes they could do this for serious topics.

He scanned the meeting room again. Mentally counting up the states. But- he's one short. There's Iowa, Illinois, Indiana. Both Dakotas and Kansas.

"Where's Missouri?"

The arguments stopped. A few states giggled, like children who had just pranked their school teacher. "Outside the meeting room."

Gov raised an eyebrow. He was going to regret this. "Why is Missouri outside the meeting room?"

"Because he doesn't like ranch!" Kansas yelled. He held the ranch bottle close to his chest.

Of course it was about ranch. Why wouldn't it be? It's not like Gov should still be expecting normal reasons. He stuck a finger in his ear to get rid of the ringing from the yell. "Go let him in. Now. No buts."

Illinois groaned. As the state closest to the door he had to do it. "Uhh. Ope, he isn't here."

Gov sat up straighter. "What do you mean he isn't here?"

"I could throw the doors open if you want. But it's not like he's gonna magically appear."

"Well then find him."

—————

Missouri sat between Texas and Arkansas. There was a line of them at the table, all blindfolded. West Virginia was finishing jotting down their comments as Kentucky switched out the plates in front of them for new ones.

"Alright, the last sauce. This time being served on ribs." West Virginia explained.

Missouri licked his lips. This was fun. South Carolina had dragged him to the BBQ. Where they were arguing who's sauce to use.

So they came up with a logical solution. Blindfold taste testing. They even let Missouri join. He didn't mind getting a little dirty and sticky for this. His tummy is full of delicious foods, he's having a good time, and honestly he thinks his sauce is winning. He just knows it.

They're given the cue to start eating. Missouri enjoys the ribs, though he still thinks his sauce is better. This would definitely be a second choice if he needed to have more.

"Ope- You're alive!"

Missouri knew that voice. One of his fellow Midwestern states, his Midwestern enemy. Kansas. Had the meeting ended already? He barely noticed time passing.

"See, I told you he was still alive Gov. Can I go back now?"

Gov was here too? Great. If Missouri gets in trouble he's getting his revenge on Kansas. First trying to claim his city. And now his sanity?

"So he is. But the rest of you aren't off the hook yet. And on top of that- we're making a new rule that you can't lock states out of the meeting room. Understood?"

Missouri heard Kansas mutter something. He finished off his rib and licked the sauce off his fingers. West Virginia came by to record how much he liked the sauce.

Today turned out to be a good day.