TW: emetophobia
You may ask why I was curled around my toilet in the middle of the day shoving two fingers down my throat. The answer was simply because of Matteo.
I came home that night, exhausted from school, and there was the devil himself and his best friend.
"Hey Faye! Come eat with us." He smiled, looking at me expectantly. I couldn't just say no, then he would suspect something. So, eventually I agreed and sat next to Matteo.
He handed me a box of Chinese takeout and turned his attention back to Ethan.
I stared at the box of noodles in my hands, trying to build up the courage to take a bite.
"Fayeeee," Matteo said, breaking me from my thoughts.
"Yeah?"
He handed me a pair of chopsticks and abruptly stood up.
"I'm thirsty," He concluded.
"Well, your a big boy. I'm sure you can solve that issue," Ethan sassed. Matteo did nothing but flip him off and walk over to the fridge.
"Do you want anything Faye?" He asked, turning towards me. If I drank more water the noodles may come up better. Then I wouldn't gain anything. I'm already fat enough. I can't gain an- "Fayeeeee," Matteo yelled in my ear. "Why do you keep zoning out? Whatever. Water?"
"Sure," I muttered quietly.
He threw a bottle at me, and I surprisingly caught it. He gave me an approving look and turned back to the fridge and grabbed another water for himself.
"Where's my water?" Ethan huffed.
"Well, your a big boy. I'm sure you can solve that issue," Matteo mocked. I rolled my eyes and let them have their feud.
I stared at the noodles in from of me and tried to muster up the courage to take a bite. I held the chopsticks in my shaking hand and grabbed a bite. It looked anything but appetizing right now but I just closed my eyes and shoved the first bite down my throat.
It was... good?
No good food was healthy.
You're so fat. I can't believe you are eating those noodles. You are so disgusting. Who knew a model could really be so ugly behind the camera. Nobody like you deserves what you have. If people could see how fat and disgusting you are they'd never love you.
I shoved the noodles down my throat as quickly as I could, using my water to help. I just wanted to leave. I wanted to be in my room, without these noodles inside of me.
I slammed the empty takeout container on the counter and began walking away.
"Wow, that was fast. I've never seen you eat that much," Matteo remarked. I rolled my eyes out of his view line and continued upstairs.
Now here I am, trying to get all those disgusting noodles out of me. So clearly, all Matteo's fault.
I made myself throw up until I was too weak to do it again. And at that, I walked downstairs.
The house was quiet so I'm guessing Matteo was at Ethan's. I made my way downstairs and went through with my usual routine. Sleep, throw up, work out, repeat. It was perfect for an ugly, fat person like me.
I ran until I couldn't anymore, I lifted until I couldn't anymore, I worked until I couldn't anymore.
Walking upstairs filled me with absolute dread. I wasn't doing enough. I'm still going to look disgusting.
"Faye Elizabeth Collins!" My mother angrily yelled from upstairs. Great, the devil was home.
"Yes, mother?" She slammed down something on the island.
"What is this? You had the audacity to look like this?" She said it with so much venom in her voice.
I peered over at what she slammed down and immediately knew what she was talking about. It was a magazine with photos I took a month of two ago.
"I know. I'm sorry." Her eyes were laced with disgust. Disgust at me.
"You'd be out of your damn mind if you weren't! I raised you to always look your best and here you are looking completely homeless in pictures! All of your fat is showing, it's disgusting! I will be working nonstop until you don't have the audacity to humiliate me like that again!" I nodded, before she scoffed and walked away.
She was absolutely right. I picked up the magazine and saw myself on the front cover.
You look like you haven't gotten sleep in days. People will know. They will see you. They will see the real you.
A soft tear rolled down my cheek. I couldn't let that happen. I wouldn't let that happen. If people saw the real me, the real, disgusting, me, nobody would like me. Nobody would care. They would all leave me and I would be alone, again.
I set the magazine down and walked up the stairs. My body aches and I felt like I would collapse. But, nevertheless, there I was, back on the toilet, throwing up again.
I've never felt so weak so helpless. I couldn't even find the strength to make it back to my bedroom. I just sat on the cold tiles of the bathroom, in front of a vomit-filled toilet until all I saw was black.
QOTD: What's your favorite book and/or movie quote?
Word Count: 887
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Cover Girl
Teen Fiction"I had always fit into people's standards. Perfect. People don't tell you how much it sucks to be perfect. They expect happiness. They expect a put-together life, but my life was anything but happy and put-together. Some days were great, but mo...
